# If you were elected as the next Pope, what papal name would you choose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2009, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161 "2009-03-12T03:04:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/81 "2009-03-14T00:34:26Z")
Pope Awheelie, first Pope with a two wheeled pope-mobile. ---
**Author:** ![JayRx1981](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71e660/32.png) [@JayRx1981](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JayRx1981)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/82 "2009-03-14T02:24:22Z")
Pope Inion ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/83 "2009-03-14T05:04:31Z")
> [@](#): > > And if I could find a personal aide de camp named “Cardinal Windy”… Just issue a Papal Decree telling them to serve Pasta Fagioli in the Vatican cafeteria everyday. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/84 "2009-03-14T21:21:48Z")
Pope Cloetus The First ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/85 "2009-03-14T21:27:21Z")
Pope Ai (pronounced “I”), the Fisher Man or Cool Papa Sidemeat (or is that my Jazz name? Well, no reason the Pope can’t be a Jazz man) or the first Blues Pope Blind Pontificatin’ Clement ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/86 "2009-03-14T22:59:59Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > I like X or Z names, but it would be appropriate to pick a name that is a Catholic Saint to make sure you aren’t accused of making fun of the papacy, so I would be Pope Xystus or Pope Zoticus (I can’t believe, after checking at Catholic Online, how many St. Zoticuses there have been!) > > ) there s a saint attila … and one catholic school i went to had a sister mary atilla … ---
**Author:** ![akira5822](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/53a042/32.png) [@akira5822](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akira5822)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/87 "2009-03-14T23:26:44Z")
Pope Moishe lipshultz XIII ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/88 "2009-03-14T23:29:04Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > there s a saint attila … > > and one catholic school i went to had a sister mary atilla … So she was Atilla the Nun? _d&r_ ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/89 "2009-03-15T00:35:16Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > there s a saint attila …\>snip\< The creator of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/90 "2009-03-15T00:57:43Z")
My brother says he wants to be Pope Corn. And yeah, Atilla the Nun must have had a prtty rough time in nun school. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/91 "2009-03-15T02:35:17Z")
I’d provide the Catholic church with a fresh start and bold new direction as… Pope Gomorrah! If you thought sodomy was bad… ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/92 "2009-03-15T04:57:10Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > George Ringo The First. That is the First to say George Ringo, the obvious joke. The National Lampoon has a wonderful headline when John Paul I was elected Pope: “John Paul Elected Pope; George, Ringo Miffed” …with a picture of George with a word balloon saying “I wanted to wear the shoes of the Fisherman!” And a [picture of Ringo in Listzomania](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3238/3079695624_428dc7bfe3.jpg) saying “Yeah, I have me own Pope clothes and everything!” ---
**Author:** ![beckwall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b487fb/32.png) [@beckwall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beckwall)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/93 "2009-03-16T00:25:19Z")
Pope Allah Buddha Ganesh. Or maybe Pope Spike. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/94 "2009-03-16T02:11:19Z")
Pope Hope. ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/95 "2009-03-16T09:14:17Z")
I’d have to second Lando II, just because he seems to have been such an awesome guy. Not only was he the “least important” pope: [QUOTE=Wikipedia] Lando was pope during the Pornocracy [/QUOTE] . Now that’s how I want history to remember me! ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/96 "2009-03-16T11:04:14Z")
> [@Bluffcityguy](#): > > “Pope Hopalong” has a nice ring to it, I think. I was thinking Pope-Along Cassidy. So maybe Pope My Ride. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/97 "2009-03-16T13:19:54Z")
Pope Ultimate the Last Because if they ever made me the pope God would surely make it rain hellfire and frogs until all the lands were covered with burning frogs and the seas awash in amphibious ash. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/98 "2009-03-16T14:54:12Z")
Traditionalist here. I’d be Pope Clement XV. There’ve been some good popes named Clement; I’d want to continue their work (if I were Catholic, that is). ---
**Author:** ![Iacob\_Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Iacob\_Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iacob_Matthew)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/99 "2009-03-16T16:48:31Z")
Pope John XX, because there’s something that’s always bothered me. On the death of Pope Adrian V, Pedro Juliani, who should have become John XX (due to clerical error) ascended to the chair as Pope John XXI. In other words, they skipped one. And I want to know just what will happen when you plug the gap. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/100 "2009-03-16T17:28:29Z")
> [@Iacob\_Matthew](#): > > In other words, they skipped one. And I want to know just what will happen when you plug the gap. You go back in time. Cruising wikipedia this weekend led me to want to change my answer: I now want to be known as Pope [Yaakov Gesundheit](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaakov_Gesundheit). Best actual name EVER! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161.md?page=6)