# If you were inventing a fictional know-all today, what name would you choose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 30, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194 "2004-12-30T02:28:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/1 "2004-12-30T02:28:33Z")
Inspired by [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5659742&postcount=37). Cecil Adams was okay for its time, I suppose, but if it were down to you to invent a fictional know-all character for your local newpaper, what name would you give him or her? Currently in Office mode, I’d go for David Brent, I think. Short and snappy. And kind of inspirational. And if you don’t like it, you know what you can do. Best nomination gets submitted to Ed Zotti. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/2 "2004-12-30T02:41:03Z")
Mister Smartypants ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/3 "2004-12-30T02:43:30Z")
Monty. Oh wait, that was uncalled for. \ ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/4 "2004-12-30T02:49:54Z")
> [@THespos](#): > > Monty. > > Oh wait, that was uncalled for. No, that’s excellent: perhaps in its full form Montague. Has the right sense of preciousness and studiousness. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/5 "2004-12-30T02:52:39Z")
Cornelius Garamond. I named one of my co-workers that, after he named me Roxanne Baskerville. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/6 "2004-12-30T02:55:17Z")
Dinsdale. It’s just so… fitting, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/7 "2004-12-30T03:52:15Z")
Patrick Hiu. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/8 "2004-12-30T04:01:48Z")
Arthur Gerund ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/9 "2004-12-30T04:06:53Z")
Kythereia. It just has a certain ring to it. 😉 (Cecil Adams was good ‘in its time’? Beware the hamsters, my friend!) Mark McKeveny. No reason why, it just sounds neat. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/10 "2004-12-30T04:10:20Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > (Cecil Adams was good ‘in its time’? Beware the hamsters, my friend!) Thanks for reminding me. We could do with getting rid of “the hamsters” too. Every message board and its dog uses the same tired joke. Any creative ideas for euphemisms for computer glitches? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/11 "2004-12-30T04:12:02Z")
Something British. Alec or Colin or Colm Somethingorother. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/12 "2004-12-30T04:23:09Z")
I like the British idea. How about: Alistair Montworth ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/13 "2004-12-30T04:31:14Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > I like the British idea. > > How about: Alistair Montworth Top hole, but what do you think of “Alasdair” as opposed to “Alistair”. The first time I came across the former, I thought it was a misprint, having been brought up on Alistair Maclean books. Doesn’t it have that extra bit of cachet that we’re looking for? ---
**Author:** ![eieiome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc348/32.png) [@eieiome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eieiome)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/14 "2004-12-30T08:28:32Z")
I think Bastian has a certain British ring to it, while an American KIA would be a Kevin. ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/15 "2004-12-30T15:37:04Z")
Ken Jennings. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-inventing-a-fictional-know-all-today-what-name-would-you-choose/282194/16 "2004-12-30T23:28:26Z")
It would certainly be a woman’s name. Marilyn vos Savant sounds great, but it’s already in use.