# If you were President, how would you request a bathroom break? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2005, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824 "2005-09-15T18:00:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/21 "2005-09-15T20:59:51Z")
The phrase “executive weasel” comes unbidden to mind… ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/22 "2005-09-15T21:02:33Z")
“I’ve gotta drain-y the Cheney.” ---
**Author:** ![Coin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Coin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coin)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/23 "2005-09-15T21:08:06Z")
I’d probably just whip it out and pee on some Middle Easterners and try and splash someone French, just to watch my approval ratings go up No, I wouldn’t really do that. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/24 "2005-09-15T21:33:24Z")
> [@Duke of Rat](#): > > Me, I’d hop right up on the counter and drop trou. > [@slortar](#): > > … I’d just take a dump right on the table in front of me and let the rest of the room deal with it. > [@Coin](#): > > I’d probably just whip it out and pee on some Middle Easterners and try and splash someone French … I’m seeing a disturbing trend, here. ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/25 "2005-09-15T21:48:09Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > Excuse me. I have to go make a deposit in the Federal Reserve. “But sir, that’s [downtown](http://www.ny.frb.org/aboutthefed/ny_tours.html). You’ll never make it.” I wonder what happened. Film at 11. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/26 "2005-09-15T22:20:38Z")
I demand to use the men’s room, or I’ll bomb you back into the Stone Age!!! ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/27 "2005-09-15T22:56:37Z")
Given his senior advisor’s nickname, maybe just “I’ve got some Roving to do.” ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/28 "2005-09-15T23:09:29Z")
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have just signed legislation outlawing the Russians forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. . . In the meantime, I gotta take a break. Stay tuned as I instruct STRATCOM to begin nucular launch procedures." Tripler Typos intended. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/29 "2005-09-16T01:10:26Z")
Standing up & heading to the can: “Keep talking, I’m listening…Hey anyone want another beer?” ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/30 "2005-09-16T01:19:22Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > I’m seeing a disturbing trend, here. Hey, come on. It’s not the first time Bush has taken a whiz on the UN. It’d just be physically instead of metaphorically. Of course, the answer to the note in question should have been “I told you to go before we left the hotel!” ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/31 "2005-09-16T01:39:38Z")
Back in highschool, any time someone in band class asked, “Can I go to the bathroom?”, our teacher would respond, “Only you and your doctor know if you can. _May_ you go to the bathroom? Yes.” He was a great guy, but a bit of a grammer nazi. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/32 "2005-09-16T01:53:34Z")
“'Scuse me while I assbarf on the Japanese prime minister.” ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/33 "2005-09-16T02:44:16Z")
The note could say “Potus needs potty.” ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/34 "2005-09-16T02:52:11Z")
Telling the leader of a foreign country you’re about to honk out a dirtsnake is one thing. Coming back and saying “You gotta see this thing!” takes some cojones. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/35 "2005-09-16T02:58:32Z")
Not sure how relevant this is, but legend has it that Grover Cleveland’s favorite presidential prerogative was being able to pee out the window in the Oval Office. [Cite, sort of.](http://www.newcitychicago.com/chicago2/571.html) ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/36 "2005-09-16T03:35:04Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > If I were President, I wouldn’t interrupt important meetings to leave the room when I needed to take a pee. I would request that someone bring me a pot to piss in. They could play “Pail to the Chief” while I relieved myself. Actually, that’s happened, although not at the federal level. In 2001, a St. Louis alderwoman urniated in a wastebasket during a filibuster, rather than give up her speaking time. Her allies in the council surrounded her to provide privacy while she tinkled. Really, no shit! (At least, they didn’t find any in the trash can.) I believe she may have been the same alderwoman who later accused another of putting cocaine in her coffee and then, about a year after that in 2003, threw a pitcher of water in someone’s face. I’m not sure if she was reelected. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/37 "2005-09-16T03:56:12Z")
Wasn’t there an Aide or Aides that stated LBJ would pinch a loaf while not only leaving the door open, but insisting that said poor sap had to be in the bathroom? I know I’ve read it, but can’t remember where. Anyone else hear this? It was usually, from what I remember, someone reading him the latest news every morning or taking down a speech. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/38 "2005-09-16T06:21:20Z")
Plan ahead. Have your staff go to the organizers of the meeting. Demand an announcement of a half hour pit-stop break right before the agenda is launched. Insist that no further apart than every two hours, one is better, that there be an announcement of another 15 minute break. With pre-planning emergencies are kept to a minimum. [semijack]Kennedy visited the Naval Base where I worked. The command requested that everyone along the route of the cavalcade spruce up yards; paint and repair fences; and in general clean up. If the residents failed to do so to the Commander’s satisfaction a crew from Public Works showed up to do it. The areas in the buildings that were to be visited were all repainted. And then just a day or so before the great event someone looked at the timeline and discovered that when the entourage arrived at the main laboratory it would have been about 3 hours from the start and maybe time for a head stop. So a paint crew rushed into the lab, painted the hallway down to the heads and painted the heads. I get the feeling that the President smelled a lot of fresh paint on his trip.[/semijack] ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/39 "2005-09-16T06:50:02Z")
“I’ve got something urgent I need to run through my caucus.” ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824/40 "2005-09-16T08:08:32Z")
I’d take it out, shake it around, making sure everone gets an eyeful. I’d slap it in people’s faces. Then, I’d jump up onto the table, and piss into everyone’s water glasses. I’d make sure to miss every once in a while also, so plenty of the others get good splashes in the face and some stains on their shirts. I’d even aim a stream of it at the ceiling, so it could drip all over the place. After that, I’d get it all over all the important papers and files. Then I’d pull my pants all the way down, and show everyone my bare ass. I’d squat right in the middle of the desk and shit on it. They call me…The Aristocrat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-president-how-would-you-request-a-bathroom-break/321824.md?page=3)