# If you were shopping in a very pleasant produce section of your grocery store **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 9, 2026, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955 "2026-05-09T21:43:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/1 "2026-05-09T21:43:04Z")
But… All of a sudden ninjas were attacking. Scared out of your wits, what piece of produce would be your go-to weapon (fruits or veggies) of choice? ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/2 "2026-05-09T21:45:17Z")
Fortunately, I’ve had weeks of training using fresh fruit to defend myself. In fact, most recently, a banana. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/3 "2026-05-09T21:45:46Z")
Coconuts. Failing that, acorn squash. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/4 "2026-05-09T21:46:09Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > Fortunately, I’ve had weeks of training using fresh fruit to defend myself. Preparing yourself for this exact event? Wow, you must be like Batman. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/5 "2026-05-09T21:48:33Z")
I’m gonna rely on a hand of ginger. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/6 "2026-05-09T21:53:54Z")
If I’m in the produce section, a bag of oranges or potatoes, but condiment section and I’m reaching for black pepper and powdered chili. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/7 "2026-05-09T22:56:17Z")
I’m grabbing the scale they use to weigh produce. Swing it around by those hanging chains. But I’m not too worried. If I know that ninjas are attacking, then they must not be very good ninjas. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/8 "2026-05-09T23:01:05Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > Fortunately, I’ve had weeks of training using fresh fruit to defend myself. In fact, most recently, a banana. You distract them with the fresh fruit then release the 16 ton weight. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/9 "2026-05-09T23:02:14Z")
Apples. You can toss them like baseballs. Just one Pink Lady between the eyes, and a ninja is going down. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/10 "2026-05-09T23:04:27Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > You distract them with the fresh fruit then release the 16 ton weight. What about a point-ed stick? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2026, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/11 "2026-05-09T23:05:05Z")
> [@Llama\_Llogophile](#): > > > [@running\_coach](#): > > > > You distract them with the fresh fruit then release the 16 ton weight. > > What about a point-ed stick? - Shut up! ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/12 "2026-05-10T00:08:20Z")
I’d pick a Brussels sprout tree. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/13 "2026-05-10T00:29:30Z")
I can throw a potato with pretty good aim and do it multiple times. Anything heavier and my distance and accuracy will suffer too soon. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/14 "2026-05-10T00:33:00Z")
Threaten them with broccoli. Trust me; they will go running. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/15 "2026-05-10T00:50:33Z")
You folks choosing fruits and vegetables are crazy. I have a Ninja at home and it just blends those things in seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/16 "2026-05-10T01:12:38Z")
Smoothies for all. Yay!! ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/17 "2026-05-10T01:57:53Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Just one Pink Lady between the eyes, and a ninja is going down. They’re also surprisingly effective on doctors. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/18 "2026-05-10T02:41:17Z")
As a former Produce man, I’m grabbing the water hose. Newer and fancier stores have the automated sprinkler system for the greens and lettuce in the refrigerated section, but there’s usually still a hose somewhere. Can be a surprisingly decent weapon in the right hands. Probably not my hands, but someone’s. Or, quadruple up some bags, the big greens bags, drop a cabbage into it, twist up the slack, make an improvised flail. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/19 "2026-05-10T03:50:02Z")
My local produce section has tiny glass jars of sun-dried tomatoes. Unfortunately not large enough to definitely break upon hitting, but they’re heavy and compact enough that I could put a lot of energy into them and they wouldn’t lose a lot of speed in the air. That, or I release the tiger. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/20 "2026-05-10T03:59:36Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Scared out of your wits, what piece of produce would be your go-to weapon (fruits or veggies) of choice? It depends! If it’s a fruit ninja, I’m not going to feed it’s slicing streak. Don’t play to the ninja’s strengths. Unless you think you can fake it out - throw all the fruit it wants, and then sneak in a few onions - run away while they’re in tears of pain and semi-blind. If it’s a true Japanese ninja of the modern era, perhaps I’ll dual wield a pair of thick leeks, and threaten them with the anime/manga trope of a leek butt attack (again _trope_ and black humor, not really serious, but when you’re talking about ninja attacks in produce…) to scare them away or allow me to escape. If it’s a crazed, ninja obsessed weirdos with a view to a kill though… I’ll rip some of the wire shelving from under the mister section - it isn’t super sturdy, but it’ll give me some reach, and the openings give me options to catch the blade if they’re careless. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955.md?page=2)