# If you were shopping in a very pleasant produce section of your grocery store **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 9, 2026, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955 "2026-05-09T21:43:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/21 "2026-05-10T05:53:15Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > My local produce section has tiny glass jars of sun-dried tomatoes. Unfortunately not large enough to definitely break upon hitting, but they’re heavy and compact enough that I could put a lot of energy into them and they wouldn’t lose a lot of speed in the air. “How did you break your foot?” “I dropped some tomatoes on it.” “Tomatoes?!” “They were in a can!” ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/22 "2026-05-10T06:28:18Z")
Banana peels might help. If you can eat fast enough. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/23 "2026-05-10T07:30:50Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > make an improvised flail. In order to use that though, you’d have to get within kicking distance of a ninja. ---
**Author:** ![DLDuraugh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/53a042/32.png) [@DLDuraugh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DLDuraugh)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/24 "2026-05-10T16:20:04Z")
I will use psychological warfare. I’ll pluck one tiny little grape from a bunch of green grapes, hold this between my thumb and index finger, and then charge straight towards those ninjas while screaming “I’m holding a green grape in my right hand and I know how to use it!” ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/25 "2026-05-10T16:23:52Z")
I would, very carefully, pick up a pineapple and hold it horizontally, so the leaves are pointed toward the attackers. One encounter with those sharp objects would convince them to seek another victim. ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2026, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/26 "2026-05-10T16:59:09Z")
If there is a tropical fruit section go for the durian. Those sharp spikes will kill you. In fact people have died by having a fruit drop off the tree and clobber them. Here is a list of durian deaths from 2012 > **[Death By Fruit | When Durian Really Does Kill People - Year of the Durian](https://www.yearofthedurian.com/2013/01/durian-obituaries-of-2012.html)** > > Durian has a bad reputation – and not only for it’s smell. At first we believed rumors of people dying from durian to be a myth, but sadly, yes, our beloved fruit is a bit of a murderer. While Rob and I romped around Asia sampling durian, the media... ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2026, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/27 "2026-05-11T05:51:17Z")
Corn. It’s really dangerous. Can go right through you. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2026, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/28 "2026-05-11T06:59:34Z")
[Peaches](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GCrzjVdmSg&list=RD3GCrzjVdmSg&start_radio=1). ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2026, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/29 "2026-05-11T07:15:43Z")
Very cute.😀 ---
**Author:** ![Lurking\_Quahog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lurking_quahog/32/21274_2.png) [@Lurking\_Quahog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lurking_Quahog)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2026, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/30 "2026-05-11T11:01:27Z")
Ninja-throwing-star fruit. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2026, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/31 "2026-05-11T12:26:36Z")
I’d squeeze lemons in their eyes. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2026, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/32 "2026-05-11T14:45:41Z")
I would beat them to death with a Kroger™ chicken breast. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2026, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/33 "2026-05-11T17:58:20Z")
You crack me up, Carni\* A chicken breast left in the produce section would not be a pleasant cudgel to get whacked with. \*nickname ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/34 "2026-05-12T00:06:51Z")
Meanwhile, I’m still wondering about “a very pleasant produce section of my grocery store”. How many produce sections do you think my grocery store has? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/35 "2026-05-12T00:16:44Z")
Ooh, those little jars of garlic? I bet I could chuck one of those hard enough to at least cause a distraction. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/36 "2026-05-12T00:30:59Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > How many produce sections do you think my grocery store has? Well, mine has at least two. One for the normal produce, and the other for the very pleasant produce. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/37 "2026-05-12T00:32:00Z")
I would grab the weighing basket, rip it from its moorings, and fling it with deadly accuracy and force like the nascent death Frisbee it was made to be. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/38 "2026-05-12T02:31:12Z")
Sorry… “ **The** very pleasant produce section…” ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/39 "2026-05-12T21:57:04Z")
And now my cursed fuzzy brain wants to make it “The very _pheasant_ produce section” Pheasants have their own produce section? You guys shop waaaaay upscale from me. I also want to provide an additional option against the ninja! At one of my more upscale stores, the produce section fades into the “fancy” cheese section, so a few times a year there’s a large, 80ish pound wheel of Parm just right there (no so slowly being sectioned off). Though I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to pick it up and chuck it at the ninja, not being built like He-Man. But, as shown on this wonderful site: > **[Breaking it Down: 80 Pounds of Parmesan — It's Not You It's Brie](https://www.itsnotyouitsbrie.com/blog/breaking-it-down-eighty-pounds-of-parmesan)** > > Did you ever waltz by a wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano in a cheese or Italian goods shop and wander how they'd cut that huge, eighty pound wheel into tiny little chunks so you could take it home and grate it? As far as you knew, the FDA didn't allow... The cheesemonger is heavily armed! I’m sneaking over there and (very, Very politely!) borrow some piercing instruments that the happen to have on hand! ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955/40 "2026-05-12T22:16:19Z")
I’d definitely fight ninjas with an aged parmesan, not because of its weight, but because it’s so… _[takes off sunglasses]_… sharp. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-shopping-in-a-very-pleasant-produce-section-of-your-grocery-store/1029955.md?page=3)