# If you were the three wise men....
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 14, 1999, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067 "1999-12-14T01:02:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/1 "1999-12-14T01:02:00Z")
what three gifts would you have brought?
* * *
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
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### Author:  [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/2 "1999-12-14T01:06:00Z")
I would have all three of us bring myrrh, to see what Mary would have said when she opened the last present. “$#@#%#! Not more myrrh!”
* * *
Quand les talons claquent, l’esprit se vide.
Maréchal Lyautey
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### Author:  [@GraceTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraceTX)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/3 "1999-12-14T01:13:00Z")
Well it sure as heck wouldn’t be diapers. I don’t think the Son of God would have a need for them.
How about Q-tips (they feel so good), Doc Martens, and a recipe book on how to feed 5000 on 2 loaves and 5 fishes?
I’d better go hide before I get struck down by lightening.
* * *
“Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.”
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### Author:  [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/4 "1999-12-14T01:30:00Z")
A teething ring.
Would _you_ like to deal with a cranky Saviour with a mouthache?
– Sylence
* * *
I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one.
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### Author:  [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/5 "1999-12-14T01:34:00Z")
How about Pokemon?
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### Author:  [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/6 "1999-12-14T03:42:00Z")
I believe I would have given God a sense of humor.
* * *
-
The best lack all conviction
The worst are full of passionate intensity.
\*
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### Author:  [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/7 "1999-12-14T03:46:00Z")
Michelin tires.
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### Author:  [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/8 "1999-12-14T04:01:00Z")
Oh, I think God’s sense of humor is just fine, Spiritus. The evidence is all around.
Catrandom
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### Author:  [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/9 "1999-12-14T04:42:00Z")
How about a set of drums?
* * *
Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99.
“I get along well with everybody.” --I.M.F.
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### Author:  [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/10 "1999-12-14T04:49:00Z")
A room at the inn.
**\Tris\**
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### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/11 "1999-12-14T04:56:00Z")
Some pork rinds to satisfy that damn disgusting craving Mary has had for the last three months (ok, they’re not kosher, but it will work out! It will be ok!)
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### Author:  [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)
#### Post date: [December 15, 1999, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/12 "1999-12-15T06:36:00Z")
Beer.
* * *
Yer pal,
Satan
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### Author:  [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)
#### Post date: [December 15, 1999, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/13 "1999-12-15T06:39:00Z")
Epidural for the Virgin Mary.
Bedding for Jesus.
Cigars for Joseph.
* * *
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 14, 1999, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/14 "1999-12-14T23:34:00Z")
Gerber’s Strained Pears.
No,wait… that’s for Satan, isn’t it?
* * *
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean **The Jackalope’s Bills** Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
_This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord._
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### Author:  [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)
#### Post date: [December 15, 1999, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/15 "1999-12-15T21:51:00Z")
Dear Spiritus Mundi:
What makes you think God lacks a sense of humor?
He, She, or It created the human race.
If that’s not proof of a sense of humor, I don’t know what is.
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### Author:  [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)
#### Post date: [December 15, 1999, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/16 "1999-12-15T21:57:00Z")
1. My UserName would be **jab1, 2 and 3**.
2. There would be two too many of me.
* * *
\>\< DARWIN \>
\_\_ **L\_\_\_L**
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### Author:  [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/17 "1999-12-16T01:46:00Z")
1. Infant donkey seat
2. Savings bonds
3. T-shirt saying “Behold this day in the city of David, a Savior is born, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/18 "1999-12-16T02:22:00Z")
The names of the three wise men were Larry, Moe & Curly. I have it on the best authority; every bit as good as the Bible.
* * *
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean **The Jackalope’s Bills** Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
_This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord._
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### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/19 "1999-12-16T14:31:00Z")
“Behold this day in the city of David, a Savior is born, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”
## Put me down for 1,000. I’m sure there’s business in those - CLASSIC 😉
Coldfire
* * *
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
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### Author:  [@NonTarheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NonTarheel)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-the-three-wise-men/12067/20 "1999-12-16T23:09:00Z")
Each Wise Man should have given Jesus a different thing ending in -gry.
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