# If you were to masturbate... **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [May 2, 2002, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765 "2002-05-02T01:06:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BrandonR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BrandonR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrandonR)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/1 "2002-05-02T01:06:58Z")
To a photo of yourself, would that be considered incest? Sounds pretty weird and sick to me… Has this been discussed before? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/2 "2002-05-02T01:09:33Z")
No, what you are doing is extreme narcissism. But if it makes you feel naughtier to think of it as incest, go right ahead. Everybody needs a hobby. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/3 "2002-05-02T01:12:04Z")
The classic definition of incest is sexual relations between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by custom. So, to answer your question as Dr. F did: No. ---
**Author:** ![Undead\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Undead\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Undead_Dude)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/4 "2002-05-02T01:12:21Z")
Gosh, if you think it’s twisted to look at a picture of yourself while you masturbate, imagine if you actually _touched_ yourself. ---
**Author:** ![BrandonR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BrandonR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrandonR)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/5 "2002-05-02T01:12:21Z")
I’m not saying I ever did it, nor would I. It’s just a weird question, and funny in a weird way. ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/6 "2002-05-02T02:10:15Z")
A better question is, if you had sex with a clone of yourself, would that be incest, homosexuality or masturbation? ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/7 "2002-05-02T02:36:30Z")
I can’t believe I’m actually going to try to answer **Fiver** ’s question, but what the hell…I’m bored. Masturbation typically refers to the erotic manipulation of one’s own sexual organs for gratification. Since the clone would technically represent _another_ person, although with identical DNA, this doesn’t sound like the term masturbation would apply here. Incest could work as a description. A clone might be regarded as a twin brother or sister. Sex with a twin brother or sister? Ick. Homosexuality could also work, since you and your clone would be of the same gender. But there’s something else to consider in human cloning. The human clone wouldn’t start out life at the same age as you. Since the clone would not start out at the same age you are, another term would also seem to apply as long as the clone is a child: pedophilia. Double and triple ick, not to mention criminal. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/8 "2002-05-02T05:47:12Z")
If you went back in time and had sex with a legal-age version of you, and brought back with you equipment to make a same-sex relationship fruitful, could you be a mother, a father, and a single parent all in one? If the offspring came back with similar equipment and boinked a younger version of his parent not long after his own birth, could he be his own child’s brother? You know you’re a temporal redneck if your family tree forms a Moebius strip. 😃 (West Virgina is for lovers.) ---
**Author:** ![Redhawke.the.bard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Redhawke.the.bard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redhawke.the.bard)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/9 "2002-05-02T06:04:05Z")
IIRC, masturbation only relates to the stimulation of the genitalia with the hand. Whose hands and whose genitalia does not necessarily affect the answer. For instance, mutual masturbation is generally considered to include one partner’s manual stimulation of the other partner’s genitalia. So that means that **Fiver** ’s example would be incestuous, homosexual mutual masturbation. But hey, who are we to judge? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/10 "2002-05-02T06:09:39Z")
I understand the University of the Ozarks is pursuing this research aggresively. ---
**Author:** ![MarkyDeSade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@MarkyDeSade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MarkyDeSade)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/11 "2002-05-02T06:11:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Redhawke.the.bard \* > **IIRC, masturbation only relates to the stimulation of the genitalia with the hand.** No way. I used to have a pillow that I loved, and I’m sure that was masturbation. Go ahead, say I’m weird, but I saved on lotion. Furthermore, I don’t think getting a handjob from somebody is considered masturbation. Maybe I’m behind on my definitions, but… ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_The\_Bold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/41988e/32.png) [@Dale\_The\_Bold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_The_Bold)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/12 "2002-05-02T07:02:54Z")
Why use a photo? A mirror is easier to explain by the bedpost. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/13 "2002-05-02T07:32:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Derleth \* > If you went back in time and had sex with a legal-age version of you, and brought back with you equipment to make a same-sex relationship fruitful, could you be a mother, a father, and a single parent all in one? I don’t know about _All You Zombies_[sup]1[/sup], but for some, the special equipment isn’t necessary. [sup]1[/sup] Let’s see who gets the reference… ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/14 "2002-05-02T08:02:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Derleth \* > **You know you’re a temporal redneck if your family tree forms a Moebius strip.** Dude, that’s twisted. ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/15 "2002-05-02T11:31:02Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **MarkyDeSade** _ > > I used to have a pillow that I loved, and I’m sure that was masturbation. Pillow cases are by no means unusual. The French would call the activity _frottage d’oreiller_ which translates as ‘sexual excitement obtained by rubbing up against a clothed pillow’. The nearest English equivalent is pillow torque. ---
**Author:** ![femtosecond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@femtosecond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/femtosecond)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/16 "2002-05-02T12:03:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sturmhauke \* > \*\*Dude, that’s twisted. \*\* Sure it is, Dave. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/17 "2002-05-02T12:16:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*\*dtilque \*\* > > I don’t know about _All You Zombies_[sup]1[/sup], but for some, the special equipment isn’t necessary. > > [sup]1[/sup] Let’s see who gets the reference… There was a short story written about 1970 about a man calling himself the unwed mother who went back in time before his female-to-male sex change, and sex with himself (herself?) and conceived a daughter who grew up to be him. I can’t find my copy right now and I don’t remember the author. It was a wild ride of a story. Was that the story? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/18 "2002-05-02T12:25:27Z")
Heinlein wrote two versions of the story, one called “All You Zombies” and the other “By His Bootstraps.” Both were about a time-traveler who was both of his parents. ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/19 "2002-05-02T12:30:33Z")
Bugger this thread being in GQ. My normal response to a thread title like “If I were to masturbate” would be along the lines of “what else woud be new…”. :d&r: from Jill and Manny VERY fast. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/20 "2002-05-02T12:31:48Z")
Not The Hooters, so it must be Heinlein. Do I win my bottle of Old Underwear. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765.md?page=2)