# If you were to masturbate... **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [May 2, 2002, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765 "2002-05-02T01:06:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2002, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/21 "2002-05-02T13:09:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*\*sturmhauke \*\* > > Dude, that’s twisted. No, it’s _half_-twisted. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/22 "2002-05-05T22:21:34Z")
I once read a book called “The Man Who Folded Himself.” A time travel tale, it used the premise that every time the hero travelled, he left himself there and started a new branch of reality. He encountered himself a lot, even saw himself die several times. When he had sex with himself, he rationalized that it was merely masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![Redhawke.the.bard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Redhawke.the.bard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redhawke.the.bard)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/23 "2002-05-05T23:48:43Z")
**MarkyDeSade** > [@](#): > > No way. I used to have a pillow that I loved, and I’m sure that was masturbation. Go ahead, say I’m weird, but I saved on lotion. Furthermore, I don’t think getting a handjob from somebody is considered masturbation. Maybe I’m behind on my definitions, but… _From Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary_ - mas.tur.bation (n). 1. the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals resulting in an orgasm; sexual self-gratification. 2. the stimulation, other than by coitus, of another’s genitals resulting in an orgasm. So we were both right. Or both wrong. Call this one a tie? -Redhawke ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2002, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/24 "2002-05-06T07:12:09Z")
Quoth **DrFidelius** : > [@](#): > > Heinlein wrote two versions of the story, one called “All You Zombies” and the other “By His Bootstraps.” > > ``` > Both were about a time-traveler who was both of his parents. > > ``` No, only “Zombies” had the sex. “By His Own Bootstraps” had similar causal structures, but with books and words, not DNA. And while we’re on the topic of science fiction, Asimov wrote a little ditty about cloning oneself, but duplicating the X chromosone instead of using the Y. Heinlein later used this concept in one of his novels; when the characters involved (inevitably) had sex, they rationalized it as masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/25 "2002-05-07T00:18:26Z")
“Clone, clone of my own, With the Y chromosome turned to X…” Plotlines I can’t remember anymore, but I can remember a fat man in a bowtie singing bawdy songs and reciting limericks with glee. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/26 "2002-05-07T00:30:11Z")
What? Heinlein’s written this story, and Asimov has too? And in _The Persistence of Vision_ by John Varley, he’s got like three short stories that are variations on this theme. I thought he was just a weirdo, a little too obsessed with this pet idea of his. But Heinlein had the same idea? And Asimov did too? Sheesh. Those guys needed to get out of the house more! 😃 Daniel ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/27 "2002-05-07T00:49:16Z")
Correction: Bolo tie, not bowtie. The memory is the second thing to go. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/28 "2002-05-07T01:40:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fiver \* > \*\*A better question is, if you had sex with a clone of yourself, would that be incest, homosexuality or masturbation? \*\* Yes. ---
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/29 "2002-05-07T02:21:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Atreyu \* > **But there’s something else to consider in human cloning. The human clone wouldn’t start out life at the same age as you** Why necessarily? Can embryos not be cloned? If it’s possible, it’s certainly plausible to have a clone who is the same age as you (give or take a few days). ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/30 "2002-05-07T06:20:35Z")
Man, I spent the weekend away from this thread, came back, and it’s weirder than ever. It’s enough to make me hit the Klein bottle. ---
**Author:** ![Genocide](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ad7895/32.png) [@Genocide](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genocide)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765/31 "2002-05-07T11:51:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrandonR \* > \*\*To a photo of yourself, would that be considered incest? Sounds pretty weird and sick to me… Has this been discussed before? 🙂 \*\* I have a m8 who does that, he has serious probs [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-to-masturbate/106765.md?page=1)