- Put it in a lockbox.
- Never touch it.
In addition to the usual suggestions of spending $5M on various splurges…
Donate big bucks to selected political campaigns, and bring back the pillory for petty crimes.
Then enjoy the access that comes with donating big bucks to political campaigns. And bribe supermodels to attend big-name functions with me.
WOOO-HOO!!! I WON!!!
$2. I matched the Mega-number.
Like many dopers here, I’d begin by retaining financial planning help and legal help.
(This is predicated on being the sole winner of the current MegaMillions jackpot)
Then I’d break the money into two portions. About 10% would go to me directly to use for me and the sort of familial obligations other posters have mentioned. This money would be used to get me a house, a car, and out of this apartment. I’d set up college trusts for all the kids in my immediate family.
The other 90% would be put into a charitable foundation, which I would use to set up, first a little joke scholarship I’d dreamed up a few years ago: The Tremain Lysenko Foundation for the Retardation of Western Studies. (The scholarships would be real, and full boat, but only people who get that the title is a bit of a backhanded compliment to the recipient would be likely to get the scholarships.) Then just spend some of the foundation’s money each year on things that I think are good and worthwhile, like maybe Ruffian’s Romanian orphanages.
And definitely hide. I don’t want fame.
My wish list has changed over the years. Here’s the most recent and not in any particular order:
[ul]
[li]Keep the news between Mr. AdoptaMom and myself (I don’t even think we’d tell the kids - at least initially)[/li][li]Pay off debts.[/li][li]Set up future retirement financial security.[/li][li]Do a few projects around the house we just bought.[/li][li]Set up secret college funds for AdoptaKids and the grandbabies but not tell them until they actually begin choosing the colleges they’d like to apply to.[/li][li]Set up a financial vehicle that would allow one parent of each of our grandchildren to be a stay at home parent if they chose to. Enough to live reasonably, but not irresponsibly.[/li][li]Endow the non profit where I work with enough $ to bring every employees salary up to industry standards for the next 3 years, which should give them enough time to figure out how to maintain that level from then on.[/li][li]Do something special for foster parents in our area. For instance, an all expenses paid weekend away once every six months or so.[/li][li]New, brand name tennis shoes for every child in foster care in our area (you wouldn’t believe how important that is to some of the kids) plus an outfit or two.[/li][li]Pay off the mortgages of our siblings - without telling them who did it of course.[/li][li]Buy one of every scent of candle White Barn and Yankee Candle makes.[/li][/ul]
It’s because I have no interest in playing the lottery every week… but every now and again is cool. It’s a cheap way to buy into a bit of a dream. Limiting it to the really large amounts is cool because I’m not spending tons of money playing regularly and I know when I dream and think about it that it’s going to be just ludicrous amounts of money. I mean… in general I think the lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math… which is fine, I suck at math. But, every now and then I look at the billboard and notice it’s at 157 million and stop in for my random $5 ticket and don’t feel that bad about wasting the money. That’s why.
[ul]
[li]Pay of debt. (Car and Student Loans)[/li][li]Buy house both here and on the coast (maybe a condo in Vegas too)[/li][li]Retire at 24.[/li][li]Play a SHIATLOAD of poker! 
[/li][/ul]
I’d probably help my retired grandparents out too if they need help, but honestly I wouldn’t give away that much money.
Let’s see, assuming I’ve won an insane amount and I’ve got the sense to hire a dollar monkey to stop me being too crazy
$1,000,000 each to my immediate family.
Pay off all debts. That’s chump change, though.
Go to work one last time. I don’t know how that would go down. Maybe I’d smirk for a whole day, maybe I’d laugh in everyone’s face, maybe I’d quietly say goodbye to everyone, but it would be a very memorable day regardless.
Lock 90%+ of money away for year. Sounds boring, but the initial rush to spend spend spend could result in a lot of long term grief.
Make the dollar monkey give me $50,000 a month for that first year. Enough to get by on 
Travel, try new stuff, have fun etc. for a year. Decide what to do with rest of money.
- Pay off debts (Less than $100K at this point, including mortgage, car and credit cards.)
- College for my daughter
- Take roughly 1/3 of winnings (or 10 million bucks, whichever is smaller :D) and divide among sister, brothers, and their kids
- Buy the Bristol Renaissance Faire
- WOOHOO! Dance madly.
- Pay off hospital bills.
- Secure FIL’s house
- Secure Grandma-in-law’s house
- Buy my family a vacation home in Vancouver so they could visit us while remaining Canadian
- Buy that house I’ve been drooling over for the last six months - it’s still up for sale!
- Put in my two weeks notice at work - but donating a hefty amount to the owner to continue building/improving her stores
- Go straight for my BA in Interior Design, and my husband can get back to school, too, pursuing something he’s always wanted to do or try but was afraid to “waste” the money on
- Put the rest away and let it grow. Despite the awesome house I want, we otherwise live pretty simply, and money won’t change that. I don’t care for expensive things. Well, I mean, I might switch to name brand toilet paper. Hmm.
- Switch to name brand toilet paper.
- Live off the interest, and travel more often.
- Tell NO-ONE (Australian Lotteries have a privacy provision)
- Pay off Mortgage and buy a new Volvo
- Put the rest of the money in a term deposit for three months
- Buy nothing else more expensive than a pizza the next three months.
- Figure out a plan which provides for the future of my children while still giving them some incentive to work for a living
- After three months, quit my job in a spectacular fashion
- Big world holiday
- Blow the rest of the money on my mad scheme to raise James Brown from the dead
- Possibly die desititute in the gutter.
Hookers and coke in plentiful quantities, of course.
Oh, and buy a Cadillac with dubs.
That’s the one thing I absolutely wouldn’t do.
I’d rather get them fancy but not new cars.
Don’t you know the damn things depreciate at least 10% the second you drive them off the lot?
A 1 year old Lexus for all two (mom and dad).
That said, I don’t care if I won $200 million or $2 million.
It all goes into mutual funds, hopefully split between two or three different brokers, and I remain poor until the interest comes in.
I would do my absolute best to never touch the principle.
- Buy the house I’m renting - I love it.
- Trust fund for my niece.
- Trust fund for my brother.
- Set up a charitable trust in my late mother’s name for donations to…whatever.
- Call up the local PBS station & offer to meet their pledge goal IF THEY JUST STOP THOSE FREAKING BEGGING SESSIONS!
- Just continue to live my life the same way I live it now - only with more breathing room
VCNJ~
- A flat in Parchelona (Parchelona = Barcelona + towns adjacent to it and which can be reached by subway).
- Sell my car. Yes, I know, it sounds like a dumb thing to say. But if I was based in Parchelona it would make sense to use the bus/subway/taxis/rent as needed. Being based in a small town, it doesn’t.
- A desktop from PCBox (you buy the parts and stick them together, asking for help if you can’t figure something out).
- And other decoration from IKEA, Natura, antiquaries and MediaMarkt. Eclectic, they call it
- I’d try to get into a groove of “one project a year”. A reasonably done project is 9 months. A badly-done one can be years. A hurried one is a nightmare for eternity. At least one of the other 3 months would be dedicated to travel (part of it, “back home”).
The family doesn’t have anybody of college age; the only one who’s not college educated and who may at some point want to be has parents who should be able to pay for it. There would be a chunk going to NPOs but it’s not something to happen only in case of lottery, it’s part of my life already.
Hire honest financial and legal help. I don’t want to be screwed or sued.
Provide for my family, a couple of friends, and charities.
Make sure my family and I stay healthy, physically and mentally.
Spend several million dollars equipping, recording, promoting and touring my band.
Live well off the remaining, invested securely. I don’t care for lifestyles of the rich and famous; I’d rather spend it on having fun and learning and seeing and doing things that interest me and my family.
Let’s start off by assuming a $100,000 win (after taxes. Hey, right now $100,000 after taxes is the equivalent of 5 years pay for me.) The breakdown would be roughly as follows:
- $10,000 into a savings account (6 months pay)
- Max amount in my IRA for the year (not sure what it would actually be, but assume the full $4,000.)
- $46,000 (or $50,000 less total allowed IRA contribution) into an index fund tracking the S&P 500. Maybe I’d diversify it out a bit and buy a bond fund as well. But at my age I want to be stock-heavy.
- $30,000 for that new car I want.
- The last $10,000 pays off the debt I have (not much) and the rest is spending money.
Now, if we assume a much higher number, it’s more or less the same. If we’re talking millions, getting a lawyer and a financial advisor become a priority, but still, a fair amount would go into liquid savings, most would go into the market, I’d clear the debt I already owe (and if we’re literally talking like $100 million, probably ask my parents if they want their debt cleared as well), and I could have fun with the rest. But I don’t understand $100 million the way I do $100,000. I don’t think I’d wind up being one of those stories you often hear about, but eventually money by itself becomes just about meaningless.
For those of you getting a financial planner ASAP…
Would a financial planner be more or less apt to be honest and trustworthy when (s)he is faced with a new millionaire client? Do they have anything to gain by screwing you?
For some reason I imagine the people who answered “get a financial planner right away” as their first priority calling up the first listing under “Financial Planners” in the phone book at 11:01 PM on a Wednesday night asking for whoever is available to please come help them claim their prize 
My daydream version of that scenario is informing my planners/accountants that I would be stashing $10 million overseas in an account they could not access, for the express purpose of giving me revenge money in case any of them did something stupid, like embezzle. That would be enough money to enable me to have them tracked down and whacked, wherever they tried to hide. Easier to do that than to take their children hostage. 
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Pay off debts
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Book a seat on Soyuz to the International Space Station