# If you'll smear your penis with mustard will it get burnt? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 25, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024 "2003-12-25T17:39:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![netscape\_6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8c91f0/32.png) [@netscape\_6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/netscape_6)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/21 "2003-12-26T01:29:08Z")
alot of people like mustard on their weenie ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/22 "2003-12-26T05:13:02Z")
Okay, Blinkie’s Fourth Law: “When in doubt, don’t put it on your penis.” ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/23 "2003-12-26T11:52:15Z")
The romans had various cures for impotence involving mustard (also nettles and other unpleasant things). ---
**Author:** ![eyeamflesch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b2d939/32.png) [@eyeamflesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eyeamflesch)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/24 "2003-12-26T12:00:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dragonblink \* > \*\*Okay, Blinkie’s Fourth Law: “When in doubt, don’t put it on your penis.” \*\* Any links with info on that? Also, back to the topic guys, I’m asking this question, because in case mustard does not destroy a penis, then I want to try it. ---
**Author:** ![gouda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c77e96/32.png) [@gouda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gouda)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/25 "2003-12-26T12:35:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by eyeamflesch \* > \*\*Also, back to the topic guys, I’m asking this question, because in case mustard does not destroy a penis, then I want to try it. \*\* WHY? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Serpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/26 "2003-12-26T13:17:18Z")
I REALLY want to know why. I’m intrigued with the reasoning. Run out of lotion? Want to feel some spiciness on your wang? Just `cause? ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/27 "2003-12-26T13:36:00Z")
For what it’s worth, I found this (from a google search) posted in a Yahoo Group: > [@](#): > > Mustard is believed to stimulate the sexual glands and increase desire. **A folklore remedy for impotence recommends rubbing the penis with mustard**. In the Middle Ages mustard paste was used as a stimulant and smeared over the body. > > The Bible describes it as ‘the greatest amongst herbs’. In the 12th century, Maimonedes, the Jewish-Arab physician, **recommended a massage oil of mustard seeds, carrots, radishes and yellow ants to be rubbed vigorously onto the penis**. You will have an erection even after ejaculation, the medieval doctor promised. > > Mustard: Releases testosterone in men and women, has a powerful effect on the sexual glands – stimulating them and increasing sexual desire. Mustard’s heating characteristic also makes it valuable as a healing herb, but it is one that must be used judiciously. Too much exposure or contact with the skin can cause irritation. Used in moderation it stimulates circulation, and so is used for chest congestion, toothache, headache, and to relieve sprains and rheumatism. In small doses internally, it stimulates the appetite and aids digestion. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/28 "2003-12-26T13:44:45Z")
And you’ll find award-winning poetry from [here](http://www.clubs.psu.edu/up/python/newsletter/Fa2001/Completely%20Different%20-%20Volume%20Arr_8.pdf): > [@](#): > > **Mustard on My Penis** > > My doctor > Says always > Put mustard > On your penis > It’s weird > I know > But it’s true > So I do > > And every morning > When I wake up > Grab a big cup > Fill it up top > With my Dijon > Spicy mustard > Yeah I get hard > Yeah I do ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/29 "2003-12-26T13:56:49Z")
Trying to get a French-kiss? ---
**Author:** ![adirondack\_mike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5a626/32.png) [@adirondack\_mike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adirondack_mike)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/30 "2003-12-26T14:54:20Z")
grey poupon? ---
**Author:** ![gluteus\_maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/31 "2003-12-26T15:08:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by eyeamflesch \* > \*\*If you’ll smear your penis with mustard will it get burnt? \*\* There are no known cases of mustard being burnt by contact with my penis. Yet, some ancient philosopher supposedly said, “He who has a hot rod may as well smear mustard on his penis.”… ---
**Author:** ![gluteus\_maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/32 "2003-12-26T15:19:39Z")
Oh, and, welcome to the SDMB, **eyeamflesch** … … got any more burning questions? ---
**Author:** ![eyeamflesch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b2d939/32.png) [@eyeamflesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eyeamflesch)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/33 "2003-12-26T15:25:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gouda \* > \*\*WHY? \*\* WHY **NOT?** Anyway, mustard is the only thing/notion if I remotely have faith in. Yesterday I shaved my penis and I thought of it. I’m thinking of aplplying mustard on it for an hour or so and then yogurt. Obsviously, it will take sometime until I figure out the portions and duration that will feel good for me, but if nothing bad can come out of it (i.e. my penis getting severely burnt) then it’s worth a try. ---
**Author:** ![eyeamflesch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b2d939/32.png) [@eyeamflesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eyeamflesch)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/34 "2003-12-26T15:28:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gluteus maximus \* > \*\*Oh, and, welcome to the SDMB, **eyeamflesch** … > > … got any more burning questions? \*\* This is actually my second question, the first is here: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&postid=4294320#post4294320](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&postid=4294320#post4294320) Thank you for welcoming me, I’m glad this board is not pretentious. ---
**Author:** ![gluteus\_maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/35 "2003-12-26T17:19:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by eyeamflesch \* > \*\* > Yesterday I shaved my penis and I thought of it. I’m thinking of aplplying mustard on it for an hour or so and then yogurt. Obsviously, it will take sometime until I figure out the portions and duration that will feel good for me, but if nothing bad can come out of it (i.e. my penis getting severely burnt) then it’s worth a try. \*\* Hmmm… (I can’t believe I’m asking this!) You have (had) a hairy penis? How does it feel when you put mustard on other parts of your body? Try some on the inside of your elbow first, or maybe on your nipples. Please let us know your results! Oh, yeah… If you throw your fingernail clippings into the fireplace, your house will burn down. So, it’s probably safer to eat them. Try them with a little mustard. ---
**Author:** ![urban1a](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e47c2d/32.png) [@urban1a](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/urban1a)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/36 "2003-12-26T17:36:01Z")
I don’t know about mustard, but I do know that Ben Gay makes an unsatisfactory lubricant. 😃 Bob ---
**Author:** ![eyeamflesch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b2d939/32.png) [@eyeamflesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eyeamflesch)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/37 "2003-12-26T18:01:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gluteus maximus \* > \*\*Hmmm… > > (I can’t believe I’m asking this!) > > You have (had) a hairy penis? > > How does it feel when you put mustard on other parts of your body? Try some on the inside of your elbow first, or maybe on your nipples. > > Please let us know your results! > > Oh, yeah… > > If you throw your fingernail clippings into the fireplace, your house will burn down. So, it’s probably safer to eat them. Try them with a little mustard. \*\* I don’t know if my penis is hairier than normal cause I’ve never compared my growth of hair of that particular area with anyone else. I’ve never put mustard in other parts of the body. I’m thinking of armpits instead of the inside of the elbows, and I don’t think I’ll enjoy mustard on my nipples with no woman around to eat it. Anyway, don’t you focus on me but on the act of smearing mustard on your penis and the utilitarian properties of it. Any more info would be highly appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/38 "2003-12-26T18:24:46Z")
Location: Greece Really? First poster in Greece I’ve noticed here. And welcome. Most people refer to only the part of the male genitals that protrudes (the shaft) as the penis. Rarely does it grow any hair. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/39 "2003-12-26T21:22:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gouda \* > **WHY?** Pure research is its own reward. ---
**Author:** ![RadioOrange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a9adbd/32.png) [@RadioOrange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadioOrange)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024/40 "2003-12-27T05:50:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by adirondack\_mike \* > \*\*grey poupon? \*\* “Sir, do you have any grey poupon?” “Sure, why?” “So that I can slather it over my Tallywacker.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youll-smear-your-penis-with-mustard-will-it-get-burnt/221024.md?page=3)