# if your ex did this, what would you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2014, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782 "2014-07-22T22:28:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/41 "2014-07-24T10:28:49Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > I’m pretty sure **Oakminster** was responding to **jturr88** , not you. > > I’d definitely be calling the police, or an attorney, to find out what sort of laws my ex and his/her SO were breaking. I’d probably talk to HR or my employer, too. I certainly wouldn’t do nothing beyond changing passwords. that sort of behaviour shouldn’t be tolerated. > > I don’t see how the presence of offspring would affect my decision. Depending on how egregious the behavior is, it might affect a reevaluation of whether the ex could be trusted to abide by the terms of custody/visitation arrangements. ---
**Author:** ![amorali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@amorali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amorali)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/42 "2014-07-24T13:52:42Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Depending on how egregious the behavior is, it might affect a reevaluation of whether the ex could be trusted to abide by the terms of custody/visitation arrangements. The state only cares if the kid has a broken limb, the parent molests them or is shooting up heroin in front of the child. Even criminals have the right to see their children. ---
**Author:** ![amorali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@amorali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amorali)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/43 "2014-07-24T14:45:35Z")
> [@LinusK](#): > > There’s no harm in filing a police report. If it ever comes up, you can say you did it. And maybe you can even get a copy, for the family court. > > I wouldn’t count on the police doing anything about it, though, and even if they do, it won’t necessarily be of any great help to you. All they can do is put her in jail for a day or two. > > The key thing to remember is that once you’ve talked to the police about it, it’s up to them (and later, the prosecutor) to decide what to do about it. It’s not up to you. That would be nice actually. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/44 "2014-07-24T15:12:47Z")
My main advice is document everything. After any conversation about any of this, or getting an e-mail or anything else, write down exactly what just happened (only exception is talks with your lawyer. Write those down somewhere else). Be very careful to distinguish what you actually saw/heard from what you think based on that. As much as possible make copies (electronic is OK) of anything (e.g. save an e-mail to disk, or forward it to another account you use just for saving that kind of thing). If, God forbid, you ever end up in front of a Judge asking for something, the Judge will listen to your version of things much more if you can say "Yes, your honor, I am sure that’s what she said, because I wrote it down later that day, as you can see here in my log. " After that, I can only say it depends on what else is going on, in particular terms of the divorce/custody arrangement and what I wanted. Figure out the last one, then probably talk to your lawyer about next steps. ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/45 "2014-07-24T15:20:54Z")
Print off everything you can. Contact Police and a Lawyer. This kind of crap puts your child in danger,if only of a lower standard of living 'cause you lost your job. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/46 "2014-07-24T15:48:14Z")
> [@amorali](#): > > Did she have other signs of mental illness? Nope. Unlike your situation, she has never (to my knowledge) done anything I’d describe as malicious, just the bizarre stalking. I mean, she’s a huge asshole to me, but that’s why the relationship ended in the first place. Thankfully we never had kids, so we have no contact with each other. I wish you the best of luck. The stalking gets pretty unnerving. ---
**Author:** ![amorali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@amorali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amorali)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/47 "2014-07-24T16:33:44Z")
> [@Lorene89095](#): > > Print off everything you can. > Contact Police and a Lawyer. > This kind of crap puts your child in danger,if only of a lower standard of living 'cause you lost your job. Odd thing is he would have to pay more more child support if that happened. Not sure what the logic was there but I guess there was none. And technically doing something like that risks your own job too. A lot of employers don’t appreciate it when people are charged with that kind of thing. So talk about shooting yourself in the foot. ---
**Author:** ![amorali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@amorali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amorali)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/48 "2014-07-24T16:36:06Z")
> [@Lowdown](#): > > Nope. Unlike your situation, she has never (to my knowledge) done anything I’d describe as malicious, just the bizarre stalking. I mean, she’s a huge asshole to me, but that’s why the relationship ended in the first place. Thankfully we never had kids, so we have no contact with each other. I wish you the best of luck. The stalking gets pretty unnerving. Some people can’t move on I guess. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/49 "2014-07-24T17:29:58Z")
Hire a bunch of burly gentlemen to pay her a visit ---
**Author:** ![amorali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@amorali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amorali)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/50 "2014-07-24T18:21:38Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Hire a bunch of burly gentlemen to pay her a visit Chippendales? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/51 "2014-07-24T20:29:34Z")
If I got divorced and didn’t immediately change all my passwords upon separation, I would see the “hack” as my fault. I might pursue legal recourse if my employment was affected by the harassment, but I’d inevitably blame myself for not changing my password in the first place. If I had changed my password and he got the new one through some kind of hack or break-in/physical access, I’d go scorched-earth on the motherfucker. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/52 "2014-07-24T21:22:40Z")
> [@LinusK](#): > > The key thing to remember is that once you’ve talked to the police about it, it’s up to them (and later, the prosecutor) to decide what to do about it. It’s not up to you. I disagree. The police and prosecutors don’t have all that much to do with someone filing CIVIL suit for Libel, Slander, or Harassment. ---
**Author:** ![amorali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@amorali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amorali)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782/53 "2014-07-25T00:50:04Z")
This has been interesting definitely. Thank you. Just for the record luckily I work for a company that has some sanity to it and they didn’t take the bait. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-ex-did-this-what-would-you-do/693782.md?page=2)