# If your parents had arranged your marriage, do you think they would've done a good job? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 1, 2011, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364 "2011-05-01T06:21:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/41 "2011-05-01T23:03:33Z")
No way at all. Never in a million years. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/42 "2011-05-01T23:27:54Z")
Mine would have been like **WhyNot** /s parent. They would have found someone more stable than my first husband (not hard to do) but probably someone I couldn’t totally relate to. They would have NEVER have found someone as great as my current husband!!! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/43 "2011-05-01T23:45:58Z")
I wouldn’t trust my parents to choose matching socks. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/44 "2011-05-01T23:47:38Z")
Hell to the no, cubed. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/45 "2011-05-02T02:58:41Z")
Mine might have done all right, but not as well as I did for myself. They’d have picked someone reasonable, but they probably would have gone with someone who was more of a hippie/free spirit type rather than the cynical, funny, practical geek I married. I might have gotten along with someone like that, but I probably wouldn’t have grown as well as I have. ---
**Author:** ![Sally\_Mander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e56c9b/32.png) [@Sally\_Mander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sally_Mander)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/46 "2011-05-02T03:11:05Z")
> [@DoctorJ](#): > > My parents can’t even pick out a Christmas present for me without my Amazon wish list, Damn, my mother can’t even be trusted to pick out a gift for me WITH my Amazon wish list…you think I’d trust her to pick out a husband? :smack: (She looks at my wish list, but because she doesn’t trust on-line shopping, she goes out and buys something that’s supposedly ‘just like’ the item on my wish list. It’s never right.) My step-mother, on the other hand, yeah, I think I could trust her choice in a husband. She certainly couldn’t do worse than the one I picked out myself. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/47 "2011-05-02T03:36:52Z")
It’s funny that the people who really have good friendly relationships with their parents are totally not in this thread. 🙂 I’ve really been thinking about the question a lot lately and still can’t answer it - I think they’d pick somebody they THOUGHT was a Christian, but even now I think my dad secretly thinks I am too! They’d pick somebody smart and successful and attractive and kind, for sure - whether or not I’d have any chemistry, I don’t know. But they’d probably do better than I have, because I’ve never hit all of those at the same time, have I? But the reason I came back to this thread to snicker is that my mother has evidently reached the age where she has to mention when she gets a new young doctor and he’s not hideous. Because she mentioned one today and looking back this is the fifth or sixth one. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/48 "2011-05-02T06:51:34Z")
I’m gay, so that’s no right there, but except for that detail, I think so. My parents and I get along, and I generally respect their judgement. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/49 "2011-05-02T17:29:03Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > But assuming that you had been born in a different era or culture, but your parents were still fundamentally themselves, would they have made a good choice with regard to a spouse for you? Or would they in all likelihood have paired you up with a walking disaster? Neither. They would have found me someone intelligent and hardworking who would treat me well…but who fundamentally didn’t get me any better than they do. Assuming, of course, that it occurred to them to look for someone. Given my history as the invisible child, I wouldn’t hold my breath on that count. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/50 "2011-05-02T17:51:03Z")
I don’t think anyone who has ever introduced me to someone they thought I’d like has ever been even vaguely close to the mark. So I doubt my parents would do any better. I sometimes wish they’d try though. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/51 "2011-05-02T18:03:10Z")
No. I think they would have found themselves the perfect son-in-law without really considering whether or not he would have been a good husband. ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/52 "2011-05-02T18:37:27Z")
Hell NO! My single-parent mother was a lovely person, and would have meant well. She would have been looking for: A) An Obama type: Black, tall, (very important to her) good-looking, clean cut, intelligent, self-confident, polite and ambitious. but probably would have ended up choosing: B) A tall, good-looking black man who she thought was intelligent, polite and ambitious because he could talk a good game, but would turn out to be a stupid, arrogant blowhard at best, and emotional abuser at worst. The woman was a lousy judge of men. She would have also ignored the fact that I’m an atheist, and have never wanted children, probably because she believed that those things were “a phase Monstera is going through,” until I was in my forties. So the arrogant blowhard referenced above probably would have wanted me barefoot, pregnant and in church. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/53 "2011-05-02T18:39:50Z")
Absolutely not. It took me several tries to get it right and the ones they liked the best were the ones I parted with most bitterly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/54 "2011-05-02T18:48:24Z")
My mother did, and I knowing what I know now I’d say no. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/55 "2011-05-02T18:49:35Z")
Gosh, I don’t know! Mine have passed away now, but they both loved my wife very much, so I like to think that we were at least on the same page or something. ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/56 "2011-05-02T18:50:26Z")
Not just no, but Hell No! ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/57 "2011-05-02T19:26:46Z")
I would like to think they would’ve at least picked someone beautiful, but I don’t even feel confident with giving them that small benefit of the doubt. I had some ugly shirts in my closet. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/58 "2011-05-02T19:33:03Z")
My parents would have tried to find the guy who made the most money. Or a medical doctor who made above a certain threshold would also be okay. And from a good family (meaning, no divorces). And well-educated (ideally from Harvard with a professional degree. Ideally also from Harvard). And healthy (meaning, no chronic diseases in the family). I suppose they’d make some cursory examination of whether he was committed to marriage and stuff like that. My dad would have tried to find an LDS guy as well, which would at least raise those priors. I suspect any objections I made such as “We don’t have anything to talk about!” or “I never see him because he’s working all the time!” would be met by “Sweetie, with that kind of money you can _hire_ someone to talk to you.” But, hm. I’m surprised to say this (it’s not what I came in the thread to say, actually), but my parents wouldn’t have done a horrible job, I guess; they wouldn’t focus on the things I think are important, but some of their values would raise the priors on those (e.g., I love geeks, and their insistence on education would make it more likely they’d pick a geek). My mom alone would’ve made a mess, probably, because she’d be fixated on the money thing to the exclusion of everything else, but together they’d probably have done okay. Though not nearly as well as I did 🙂 so it totally makes me cringe to think of them in charge of it. My comfortably middle-class, engineer, public-university-educated, Lutheran white husband (though he is healthy, from a “good family” back one generation, committed to marriage and has a Ph.D. from a great techie school) is waaaaaaaay better than anyone they would’ve picked out. ETA: Heh, rereading that I realized to my horror that I know the person they would have tried to pick out for me. That… well, it wouldn’t have been a disaster, exactly, we’d probably stay married and be reasonably happy, but… eek. Eek! We had _nothing_ in common – I think we once struggled to have a five-minute conversation. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/59 "2011-05-02T20:15:19Z")
> [@Monstera\_deliciosa](#): > > She would have also ignored the fact that I’m an atheist, and have never wanted children, probably because she believed that those things were “a phase Monstera is going through,” until I was in my forties. Yeah, my parents were recently talking up a tenant of theirs as a potential mate for me, and I still don’t know what they are smoking. The guy is a devout Muslim. Mind you, my parents and every other religious person in my family are dedicated Christians, but on top of that, I’m a fornicating agnostic. But they think this guy could be a match for me? Really? A guy who doesn’t think women should walk around with their hair showing??? The guy also has told them that he thinks the moon landing is a hoax. Now just how deep must this guy’s beliefs in conspiracy theories be that a revelation like this comes up in a conversation with his landlords? Pretty damn deep, I’d say. That they think he could be the man for me just confirms in my mind that my parents and I see the world in very different ways. Like so different, sometimes I wonder if they are whooshing me. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364/60 "2011-05-02T20:38:31Z")
Given the women my Dad has chosen since my mom died (I was too young to know her), I can only shudder at the horror my arranged marriage would be. I’d probably kill the bitch just for the sweet release of prison. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-parents-had-arranged-your-marriage-do-you-think-they-wouldve-done-a-good-job/580364.md?page=4)