# If Your Pet Could Talk What would It Say? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 26, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349 "2000-10-26T01:45:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wandering\_Pilgrim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f19dbf/32.png) [@Wandering\_Pilgrim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wandering_Pilgrim)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/1 "2000-10-26T01:45:38Z")
Have you ever wondered if my pet could talk what would he say? Maybe it would ask for something or tell you something that it couldn’t tell you before…Like for example my cat Vern would probably…no wait he would definately say GET OFF THAT COMPUTER THINGY!!! Because sometimes I get home and the first thing I do is get online…so lets here those pets speak out through there owners… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/2 "2000-10-26T01:50:15Z")
I don’t think I WANNA know what my cats would say… ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/3 "2000-10-26T01:53:30Z")
My pet does talk… African Grey parrot… knows what he’s saying too, says “Phone” when it rings and says “Dinner” when his dish is empty and he wants to be fed… also calls “Dinner” when mom is cooking. ---
**Author:** ![DoZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@DoZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoZ)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/4 "2000-10-26T01:58:49Z")
Mine just wants food. But then she’s an old cat. ---
**Author:** ![Lazarus7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/67e7ee/32.png) [@Lazarus7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazarus7)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/5 "2000-10-26T02:05:13Z")
she would say “pay attention to me!” “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” I am sure of it !!! I have translated from cat and I figure that this is what she is saying!! ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/6 "2000-10-26T03:20:38Z")
My dog would probably just beg for attention and either tell me to stop cooing and play with him or say “oh yeah, keep doing that… ahhhh” Kitty ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/7 "2000-10-26T03:23:17Z")
My dog would be like the old far side cartoon - a translation of his barking would be “hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey” ---
**Author:** ![Minxsmom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Minxsmom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minxsmom)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/8 "2000-10-26T03:34:31Z")
petmepetmepetmepetmepetmepetmepetmepetmepetmefeedmepetmepetme feedmepetmepetmepetmepetmepetmecleanmyboxpetmepetmepetmepetme Something like that 😉 ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/9 "2000-10-26T03:38:48Z")
If cats could talk … they wouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/10 "2000-10-26T03:39:24Z")
My cats would insist I leave the front door open 24x7, rain or shine–especially rain. Oh, yeah, _and sell the vacuum cleaner_. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/11 "2000-10-26T03:42:42Z")
My dog _does_ talk. Just the other day I asked him what was on top of the house and he said “roof roof!” ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/12 "2000-10-26T03:46:37Z")
My doggy talks, he’s got a big deep scary bark and a nice threatening growl too, I can bark right back at him and we have any understanding. Isn’t having such a wonderful puppy just great? Kitty ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/13 "2000-10-26T03:53:07Z")
My ferret, while in the cage: “Lemme out. C’mon! Lemme out! Lemme out!” While out of the cage: “What’s that? Can I chew on it? Is it bigger than me? I can kick its ass! Hahahahah! Why can’t I go in the kitchen? Whywhywhywhywhy?” My cat: “You bought a ferret? What purpose does this lowly rodent serve? Is it some kind of appetizer? Take it away; it displeases me.” ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/14 "2000-10-26T04:11:20Z")
My dogs already talk. Just today, I came home and asked Grizzly how his day was, and he said “Ruff.” :rolleyes: Actually, my dogs would say, “We love you! You cannot resist our eyes! Even if Duke did chew your new sneakers, you cannot help but love us back! Now where are those other two weird looking dogs, those cat-things. We want to play, even if they do smell funny.” ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/15 "2000-10-26T04:37:11Z")
“Ich bin Ihr Meister, Bogen unten zu mir,” [sub] I’ve got a German Shepard[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Cyndar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cyndar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyndar)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/16 "2000-10-26T05:07:38Z")
My cats would ask me why I leave the house three nights a week to go play with other animals. They would also say, “Mom, these forced blood donations have got to stop.” ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/17 "2000-10-26T05:31:45Z")
Our cats would say “OH MY GOD!!! I can SEE the BOTTOM of the food dish! WE’RE GONNA STARVE!!! FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT!!!” That, and “What are you doing? Wanna pet me? I wanna be petted. Pet me now, ok?” All with a Monty-Pythonesque Cockney accent. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/18 "2000-10-26T05:44:52Z")
Mine would surely say, “Help! I’ve got another big brown smelly thing stuck to my ass!” ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/19 "2000-10-26T05:59:00Z")
“I have to pee!” ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/20 "2000-10-26T10:02:32Z")
“ **_WHY THE F_CK DID YOU HAVE ME NEUTERED?!?!?!** \*” :mad: 😕 :eek: Also, the cat would say “Why the hell is the dog eating my…” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349.md?page=2)