# If Your Pet Could Talk What would It Say? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 26, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349 "2000-10-26T01:45:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/41 "2000-10-27T15:06:23Z")
I don’t know what the dog would say, but the sheep’s a liar. ---
**Author:** ![kiffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d78d45/32.png) [@kiffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiffa)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/42 "2000-10-27T17:41:42Z")
Sugarladysweetcakes and honeybunnysweetiepie, my two mini dachshunds, have limited vocabularies which can best be illustrated via the doorbell test: ding dong: heyheyheyheyheyheyhey [in tandem] and when they get to the door to see who it is: hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi [in tandem again] ---
**Author:** ![andyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@andyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andyman)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/43 "2000-10-27T17:56:12Z")
In honor of **Cat** from **Red Dwarf** My shiny thing! S! E! X! I think I want it! Hello lady cats! I am looking very sexy today! …and my all time favorite… **I’m gonna eat you, little fishy!** ---
**Author:** ![headshok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/44 "2000-10-27T18:05:33Z")
Me: So, you can talk now? Dog: Yep. Me: Huh… So how does it feel? Dog: A little strange… hey, are you gonna eat that? M: What? Oh… no, I’m finished. Here. D: Thanks. M: So, uhhh… got any plans for tonight? D: Nah, I think I’m just gonna hang out. You know, sleep, lick my balls, rub my ass on the carpet, the usual. You? M: Probably go to a movie with some friends, maybe hit a few bars. D: Hey, great. Listen, could you be sure to let me out before you leave this time? The last time I had to take a wicked dump and you didn’t even notice; do you know how hard it is to hold that in for 7 or 8 hours? M: Well, excuse me… ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/278dde/32.png) [@JustAnotherGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/45 "2000-10-27T19:08:17Z")
My dog would say… “It’s been 10 months now. When is this @%% rassafrassin baby going to leave?” ---
**Author:** ![muppetsoup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aca169/32.png) [@muppetsoup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muppetsoup)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/46 "2000-10-27T20:28:46Z")
the answer is right [here](http://www.plif.com/archive/wc056.gif) ---
**Author:** ![California\_Viking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3ec8ea/32.png) [@California\_Viking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/California_Viking)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/47 "2000-10-27T21:18:34Z")
Let’s get rid of the other eight cats. I would like some more space. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/48 "2000-10-28T01:05:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lazarus7 \* > \*\*she would say “pay attention to me!” “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” … “pay attention to me” \*\* What **he** said is what my cat says. She HATES my computer, and even as we speak, she is sitting on my hands as I type. What can I say, I love the little twerp. Scotti ---
**Author:** ![lesa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/34f0e0/32.png) [@lesa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lesa)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/49 "2000-10-28T01:48:54Z")
I just learned an interesting fact about cat grammer. I was eating, and I told my cats, “You already ate yours. This is mine.” Well, it turns out the word “mine” only has meaning if the cat says it. If the cat says, “The couch is mine,” that has a clear meaning. If I say, “This food is cxwl,” well, see, it’s just gibberish. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/50 "2000-10-28T04:50:53Z")
“Hey. What happened to that half dead chipmunk I just dragged in here?” I think if my cats could really talk they would tell me the secrets of the universe. In between bites of chipmunk. ---
**Author:** ![Cyndar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cyndar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyndar)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/51 "2000-10-28T14:35:37Z")
I had a cat tell me last night that he did not like having his blood drawn. He was quite clear, unfortunately, he used his teeth and his claws rather than his verbal skills. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Fear\_of\_Id](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c6cbf5/32.png) [@The\_Fear\_of\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Fear_of_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/52 "2000-11-04T04:51:05Z")
My cat would always ask for food. It needs nothing else from me. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349/53 "2000-11-04T05:53:55Z")
Fluffy would undoubtedly extol the virtues of (the later) Wittgenstein. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-could-talk-what-would-it-say/38349.md?page=2)