# If Your Pet Was Human, What Would Their Occupation Be? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046 "2012-03-07T17:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/1 "2012-03-07T17:26:21Z")
Just for fun, this question was just asked on my rescue dog loop. I thought it might be a fun discussion here too! Nick, male Gordon Setter- He would be a minor celebrity, probably a singer. Think American Idol top 10 finalist, LOL But he would be one deeply involved in charity work. He loves people, and loves being the center of attention. (Side story- I am actually well aquainted with an American Idol from 2006, Ace Young. I worked with him for a year and a half on a charity he organized. If he were a dog, he would be Nick, and if Nick were human, he would be Ace! Ace always refers to Nick as his Goddog.) Kharma, female Gordon- She would PROBABLY somehow work with kids and physical fitness… maybe an elementery school gym teacher. She is always happy and active, and LOVES kids! Cricket, older female Papillon- she would be retired at this point. She would be the old woman sitting on her porch shaking her cane at everyone, yelling GET OFF MY LAWN! Bunny, female Papillon-I think she would be Kharma’s assistant! Sammy, male Rat Terrier- I think a salesman of some kind… maybe a car salesman! He tries so hard to make everyone like him. Too hard, to the point of annoying! Charlie, male cat- I think Charlie would run a tattoo shop. He would spend most of his time just sitting around with his patrons shooting the shit. He would be the one everyone likes. Ruby, female cat- she would be the fun librarian, the one that organizes all the activities at the library. Just because she’s quiet doesn’t mean she’s not a good-time girl! ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/2 "2012-03-07T17:33:53Z")
My cat loafs around the house 20 hours a day and the rest of the time she’s demanding attention – either scritches, warmth, food or water from the faucet. Not sure what occupation that suits you for (hereditary monarch?), but I’d like to apply for the job myself. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/3 "2012-03-07T17:38:08Z")
[Spoon](http://64.136.20.22/3083117_m.jpg)-The pug would be either an OCD scientist or Howie Mandell. Way too much frenetic energy but also takes way too much time to decide things like \*where to poop \* or _does this treat taste good enough to really put into my mouth_. [Maggie](http://64.136.20.22/3090589_m.jpg)-The olde english bulldogge would be a Walmart greeter. She’s only a year old but acts like an old man, very slow moving and always willing to mosey up to new people and say hello. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/4 "2012-03-07T17:39:53Z")
What profession would be the opposite of shoe repair? ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/5 "2012-03-07T17:42:41Z")
Hot Rod, the skinny little boxer, would be a professional sprinter. Tucker, yellow lab mix, would be a good therapist. Dammit Sally, the who-knows-what mix, would be great at establishing a safe perimeter around any given structure. As long as there was a fence to keep her from running away. The cats…I’m not sure they’d have actual jobs. Bobbin would be housebound with various phobias, Vivian is still a child, and Trouble and Six would be the type to let others support them while they sat around thinking Very Profound Thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/6 "2012-03-07T17:46:36Z")
Finagle… I want your cat’s job too! LOL ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/7 "2012-03-07T17:56:29Z")
My parents’ two labrador-ish boys would ideally be members of the cast of Jackass. Barring that, they’d be working in Animal Control, specifically the guys you call when you find an alligator in your basement. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/8 "2012-03-07T17:58:23Z")
Tenshi, my older Singapura, would be a private investigator. He’s always slinking around in the shadows, he misses nothing, and he’s very patient. Or else he’d be a “manny,” because he loves kittens. Ozzy, my younger Singapura, would be a food critic. His two favorite things in the world are food and having a warm butt. Sonata, one of my Russians, would be a model. She’s gorgeous and she knows it. Clarice, my older tabby girl, would be a stay-at-home mom. She loves kittens and she’s very domestic. She might make a good therapy cat too, since she’s so friendly and loves to be around people. Nabby, my big tabby boy, would be a clown. Tessa-Bug, my younger tabby girl, wouldn’t have to work because she’s so cute and sweet that everybody would just hand her things. 🙂 And Boo, my other Russian, would be some sort of boss, because she’s pushy and bossy and likes to have her own way. Or maybe an opera diva, since she’s quite vocal. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/9 "2012-03-07T18:02:22Z")
I don’t have an answer yet for my two dogs, but I will tell you that we submitted an online vocational questionnaire for our previous dog. It was very extensive and we answered it as honestly as we could, considering his personality and abilities. It told us that he was qualified to work in either a correctional institution or a fast-food restaurant. ---
**Author:** ![This\_Just\_In\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@This\_Just\_In\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/This_Just_In_2)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/10 "2012-03-07T18:03:00Z")
I could see my cat being an English noble like on Downton Abbey. Just laze around all day and eat meals prepared by others. Someone else changes the chamber pot and brushes your hair - it would be a perfect fit. ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/11 "2012-03-07T18:07:00Z")
Wait a minute here. Isn’t there still a picture rule about pet threads? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/12 "2012-03-07T18:15:31Z")
Although she’s too old to do it anymore, in her youth Miss Austen could make spectacular leaping catches of cat toys or other small objects tossed in her direction. I believe that in a previous life, she must have been a shortstop for some Major League team. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/13 "2012-03-07T18:20:36Z")
[Al and Nikki](http://www.flickr.com/photos/chirpythemutanthellbeast/5685376365/in/photostream/), curled up and snoozing together. Al would be in upper management. He _thinks_ he owns the joint and his hobbies include bossing others around, being smug, and demanding things. He’d be the perfect VP. Nikki would be a trophy wife. Her only skills are lying around in cute poses looking cute. She’s not very demanding, but she has no marketable skills for the jobforce either. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/14 "2012-03-07T18:25:04Z")
Oh, alright, if you INSIST… 😉 Nick: [![](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/thekids3040.jpg) ](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/thekids3040.jpg) Kharma: [![](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/Kharma.jpg) ](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/Kharma.jpg) Cricket: [![](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/snowcricket.jpg) ](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/snowcricket.jpg) Bunny: [![](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/007-Copy2.jpg) ](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/007-Copy2.jpg) Sammy: [![](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/016.jpg) ](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/016.jpg) Charlie & Ruby (they would probably be married if they were human, as well): [![](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/TheKids2061.jpg) ](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/PapSett/My%20Babies/TheKids2061.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/15 "2012-03-07T18:28:07Z")
Beetle (female shorthaired calico) would be a safety inspector of some kind. She’s jumpy and cautious, particularly around corners, or when stepping on a blanketed surface (maybe she thinks it’s covering a hidden chasm or something). I can just imagine her scolding some folks for leaving unlabeled chemicals lying around. ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/16 "2012-03-07T18:33:34Z")
Newest cat, The Ratbag (official name) – she’d be a member of the Funk Brothers as her theme songs do involve a lot of brass instrumentation. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/17 "2012-03-07T18:38:19Z")
Daisy - Plus-size supermodel Mr. Burns - Home Security Expert Mandy - Singer for a Smiths Cover band Ziggy - Cage fighter ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/18 "2012-03-07T18:41:02Z")
Definitely, my cat would be Head of Quality Control at Serta. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/19 "2012-03-07T18:42:02Z")
Dresdsen, the biggest cat, would have to be some kind of rent-a-cop. He’s constantly in the windows, racing from one to the next as he tries to chase off whatever’s moving out there, even if it’s just…leaves. Murphy, the little orange cat…hrm. She likes getting into places she’s not supposed to be, and then making a GREAT big deal out of it so you come see how smart she is. I think she’d be running Anonymous or LolSec. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/20 "2012-03-07T18:52:37Z")
Pharaoh Hound (not named for google reasons) - model. He’s very thin, not too bright, and when he’s not lying around snoozing he’s bitching at me for coming home 5 minutes late. But he looks damn good in photos. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046.md?page=2)