# If Your Pet Was Human, What Would Their Occupation Be? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046 "2012-03-07T17:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/61 "2012-03-10T20:06:58Z")
From[left to right](https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-XTN1tMffgeg/TYqJLNqle1I/AAAAAAAAJN0/xiYUY8E9QyM/s912/IMG_3954.JPG): Mirabel would run her own successful small business. She’s the most sensible dog I’ve ever met. Sylvie might be able to work the cash register at that business, with extensive training. Wally would be quality control–no problem would go unreported. Olive would keep the books–she’s extremely organized–and also keep up morale. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/62 "2012-03-10T20:55:57Z")
Fabio Big red standard poodle ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/63 "2012-03-11T06:25:30Z")
Well, my late Cocker Spaniel, Dusty, would probably have been a [grave robber](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeF9MlfPW-U&feature=related)and a pimp. Simultaneously. If only because he was too old/lazy to bother with burking people himself to get new corpses. I mean, he liked _me_, but he was a mean, sleazy dog. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/64 "2012-03-11T09:29:16Z")
My pets would be office workers. Moby, the border collie, would be that person you work with who always bustles around looking busy and important but never apparently achieving anything. She manages to interrupt everyone else’s work with “important announcements” which are never important and barely qualify as annoucements. They’re just interruptions. Muffin, the Burmese cat, would be - and is - a diabolical genius, plotting to take over the world/comfy spot in the sun. Peace is that likeable but empty-headed lass who never manages to do anything right and has to be double-checked at every turn but somehow no one has the heart to crack the whip over her because she’s just so gosh-dern sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Jasper\_Kent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@Jasper\_Kent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasper_Kent)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/65 "2012-03-11T13:49:35Z")
My cat **T-Bone** would be a massage therapist and a grief counselor. **Miss Kitty** would be a model and possibly a high-dollar hooker. My dog **Dixie Chick** would have varied professions: (tennis) ball girl, security guard, babysitter, food critic, and comedian. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/66 "2012-03-11T19:31:10Z")
Doxie would be an exterminator. Stone killer, that dog! ---
**Author:** ![Tapiotar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/67 "2012-03-11T19:32:49Z")
> [@dzero](#): > > I think many [bodhisattvas](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/70982/bodhisattva) do decide to be reborn as cats. Others often appear as cats. It just proves how often language gets in the way of communication. Thank you, dzero, I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Einighausen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Miss\_Einighausen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Einighausen)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/68 "2012-03-11T19:41:41Z")
My former rabbit Zoef would be a detective, he was curious and very intelligent. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/77aa72/32.png) [@Whammo72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo72)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/69 "2012-03-12T18:29:12Z")
> [@koeeoaddi](#): > > What profession would be the opposite of shoe repair? This made me laugh! De-cobbler maybe? My Shephard mix would be a mall cop that takes his job way to seriously, especially where kids on skateboards and bikes are concerned. My Lab mix… I dunno, whats something fun and simple that doesn’t require a lot of intelligence? ---
**Author:** ![dzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzero)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/70 "2012-03-12T18:37:42Z")
> [@Whammo72](#): > > My Lab mix… I dunno, whats something fun and simple that doesn’t require a lot of intelligence? I hope you weren’t thinking ‘politician.’ Although now that I think about it, I’m sure he/she would do a much better job - especially at retrieving things, like say, jobs that have been off-shored. 😃 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/71 "2012-03-12T19:27:46Z")
Nebula, Golden Retriever: The same job she just retired from - slut. She was a breeder for Guide Dogs for the Blind, mating with studs or syringes whenever she went into heat, and having puppies. She now has grandpuppies. She appears to have quite a come-hither wag. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/77aa72/32.png) [@Whammo72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo72)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/72 "2012-03-12T19:32:37Z")
> [@Whammo72](#): > > My Lab mix… I dunno, whats something fun and simple that doesn’t require a lot of intelligence? I am now thinking a person who metal detects beaches and parks for a living… only one that eats everything they find… 😕 ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046/73 "2012-03-12T19:53:25Z")
The 60-pound retriever mix would make a fine speed bump impersonator. She has a fantastic knack for being sprawled out on the floor, snoozing, at the wrong time. The chihuahua might be a fine activities director. He’ll run off and look back as if saying "Let’s _GO!"_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-pet-was-human-what-would-their-occupation-be/615046.md?page=3)