# If your wife/girlfriend became pregnant by another man would you keep the child? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2005, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141 "2005-02-03T07:24:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/41 "2005-02-04T18:56:41Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I’d still like to know if Quartz really meant “I wouldn’t blame her” , rather than “I’d forgive her.” I did indeed mean the former. > [@](#): > > And even if it was the former statement, why is he assuming he can say the child will be put up for adoption? I’m not raising another man’s child. Whether or not to abort would be her decision, but I wouldn’t want us to have a constant reminder of a most terrible event. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/42 "2005-02-04T21:57:23Z")
So you would divorce your wife if she didn’t want to abort? Even though you may love her? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/43 "2005-02-05T08:54:18Z")
Umm, **Roland**? Your choice of subject matter for threads is becoming, shall we say, repetitive. Might I politely suggest that you either resolve your marital problems or find other hypothetical matters to discuss - I have no wish to Pit you, but this is \*really \* getting tedious and depressing. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/44 "2005-02-05T09:10:45Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Umm, **Roland**? Your choice of subject matter for threads is becoming, shall we say, repetitive. Might I politely suggest that you either resolve your marital problems or find other hypothetical matters to discuss - I have no wish to Pit you, but this is \*really \* getting tedious and depressing. My themes may be repetitive, but don’t you find these to be original and in some cases interesting questions? Even if I am repetitive pesonally there are so many other threads (even only considering IMHO) that there is still alot of diversity available in thread topics. By the way to answer my own question if my wife became pregnant my another man there is a really good chance that I would want to keep the kid. If she still wanted to remain in our marriage I would probably consider it my duty in the interest of maintaining a stable home for my son. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/45 "2005-02-05T09:34:15Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > My themes may be repetitive, but don’t you find these to be original and in some cases interesting questions? No and no. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/46 "2005-02-05T10:14:45Z")
Look Case Sensitive, I respect your opinion that my threads are lacking. However, surely they are not alone. What makes my threads any less worthwhile than the other threads that you don’t read (no one likes every thread do they?) Even if you think that I “have issues” that cause me to post these questions why does that make them any less valid (as questions) than if they were posted by seperate individuals. Shouldn’t the question stand or fall on its own merits not upon the status of me or any of my relationships? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/47 "2005-02-05T21:50:03Z")
Looks like someone up there agrees with me. Heh. Not often I get to have the last word. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/48 "2005-02-05T22:06:56Z")
Is the cuckold the only one making a decision? The wife may well have been wanting out of the marriage–& hubby was a bit too dense to catch more subtle hints. Within a year, I’d predict she’ll be starting a new life–as a single mother or with the father of her child. And ex-hubby will be sitting in a bar, boring everybody in earshot with his tale of woe… ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/49 "2005-02-05T22:11:16Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > You’d “forgive” her for being raped? 😕 are you saying you would blame her? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/50 "2005-02-05T22:33:21Z")
He’s gone, guys. Check out ATMB for more info. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/51 "2005-02-05T22:52:55Z")
> [@](#): > > (Posted by TheBoneyKingofNowhere) …so I’d use Costanza’s, “you can stuff your sorry’s in a sack” … > > Just my opinon… Yes, I agree with most of the posters here. Nitpick: “Stuff your sorries in a sack” was from Felix Unger, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![airbornecoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f9ae1b/32.png) [@airbornecoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/airbornecoyote)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/52 "2010-07-24T18:01:34Z")
I almost can’t believe that all you guys are so cold. Love isn’t easy and unconditional love is the only pure, real love in the world. You don’t fully love someone unless you except them for who they are and can forgive any mistake they might make. I never realised how much I really loved my wife until this exact thing happened to me. While I was deployed I found out she had been cheating on me for several months. (in the military, incase there is any confusion on what the hell I’m talking about) After 5 years of marriage, she said told me it was over in an email. I later found out she was pregnant after she was 5 months along. I felt like I was the last person to find out. I was so far away and couldn’t do anything and everyone knew but me. Upon her coming clean on both the affair and the pregnancy, I immediately told her I forgave her and we would work through it. She was miserable in her situation with this abusive boyfriend and didn’t think I would forgive her. Beyond the betrayal in the months of lies(which hurt worst than the original mistakes), we still love each other and share a special bond as friends. I plan to raise this child with her the same as if it was my own biologically. You might all think I’m a sucker, but the fact is it takes a real man to take up responsibility and look out for the best interest of the people he cares about. Though there will always be the knowledge that the child was born out of adultery, it is not that innocent newborn human being’s fault or choice to exist and they deserve a stable, loving, supportive family and home environment as much as any born in wedlock, legally legitimate child ever born. He may not share my DNA, but I’m more of a man and will be a better father then his biological father could ever be. Having compassion, empathy, and patience is what sets a good example for our children, not hatred, contempt, and the inability to forgive and move past the turd sandwiches we all have to take a bite of sometimes. If you can’t forgive someone’s greatest mistakes and adapt to make a brighter future for them, you only loved them on the condition they do what you want them to and therefore don’t really love them completely. Believe me, raising a child with your spouse that is not your own blood and is born from infidelity is the most immasculating and embarassing thing a man can go through, but if you can suck it up and wipe the sand out of your vagina, you’ll learn alot about what it really means to be a man. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/53 "2010-07-24T18:43:21Z")
> [@airbornecoyote](#): > > I almost can’t believe that all you guys are so cold. If you check the date when these responses were posted, this thread was finished over 5 years ago. Many of the people you’re mad at no longer even post here, and others may have changed their minds in the meantime. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/54 "2010-07-24T20:00:17Z")
> [@Roland\_Deschain](#): > > If I believed that she was sincerely sorry for having cheated and not inclined to repeat the behavior I think that I would. I have a friend who’s wife did become prenant in this manner and he wants to save the marriage (and she also claims to want to do the same), but he says that he couldn’t stand to have her keep the kid. He’s pushing for giving it up for adoption. There is no way i would keep the wife. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/55 "2010-07-24T20:07:10Z")
Once someone cheats on me it’s over. The trust is gone. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/56 "2010-07-24T20:25:35Z")
It’s the betrayal at issue, not the child. If the person/couple can’t get through that, then the child is a reminder. It really depends on whether the relationship can work through it or not. If not, it’s divorce time, not adoption time. In this day where serial marriages, single parenthood and step-children are a lot more common, I don’t see how it would be much of an issue to care for another person’s child. It’s just the deception/lack of forgiveness that’s the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141/57 "2010-07-24T20:43:45Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > > [@airbornecoyote](#): > > > > I almost can’t believe that all you guys are so cold. > > If you check the date when these responses were posted, this thread was finished over 5 years ago. Many of the people you’re mad at no longer even post here, and others may have changed their minds in the meantime. I’m inclined to agree, here. This is a rather volatile subject and we really can’t have an ongoing discussion when half the participants who originally posted may no longer be around. Though we’ve relaxed the “zombie policy” somewhat, I think this one qualifies as one that should probably be closed. We are happy to have you here, **airbornecoyote** and hope you’ll stay! You do have an interesting story to tell, and I don’t want to close you down if you want to talk about it more. Please consider opening a new thread to discuss this topic, if you wish. If you have a few minutes, take some time to read through our posting guidelines in the [About This Message Board (ATMB)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?f=2) forum. Again, you’re very welcome here. Please continue to post! **Ellen Cherry IMHO Moderator** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-your-wife-girlfriend-became-pregnant-by-another-man-would-you-keep-the-child/288141.md?page=2)