# "If you're a female and you want to get a man in bed, all you have to do is ask." **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916 "2009-04-03T21:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/21 "2009-04-04T06:58:38Z")
It’s false, for me at least. There has to be some attraction there, otherwise it’s a non-starter. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/22 "2009-04-04T11:30:47Z")
> [@Baldwin](#): > > Sometimes a man will actually turn down an offer of sex because he’s faithful to his wife or girlfriend. Don’t think that’s been mentioned. And don’t forget the advice of “Don’t stick your dick in the crazy.” ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/23 "2009-04-04T12:48:43Z")
I’ve been turned down by a guy who “didn’t want to risk the friendship.” We are still friends, but I found that hilarious. I was a better than average looking 22 year old and he was not a better than average looking 22 year old. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/24 "2009-04-04T13:07:06Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I read on this very message board that men’s biggest fear of women is that we’ll laugh at them (in a not-good way), but that women’s biggest fear of men is that they’ll rape and/or kill us. I think that this is true. Actually, I think that you are comparing two different things. “Being laughed at” is a social fear; being raped or killed is a fear of assault. One is the fear of what a perfectly normal woman might do; the other what a male predator might do. A more comparable male fear of women would be the fear of their lives being destroyed by a woman falsely accusing them of rape, or being forced to pay child support for a child that’s not yours. The sorts of things a predatory or malicious woman does. But you won’t normally get those mentioned if the subject is dating and the question asked of men is “what’s your greatest fear about women ?” They’ll think that you are talking about women who **aren’t** predatory or malicious. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/25 "2009-04-04T17:17:00Z")
I agree with what seems to be the general consensus. Both men and women are subject to rejection of an offer of uncommitted sex. But women are much more likely to reject the offer from a man than vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/26 "2009-04-04T21:45:32Z")
Wasn’t there supposed to be some psychology or sociology experiment where a male and female student, roughly equal as to attractiveness, asked perfect strangers of the opposite gender if they would like to have sex, and the male got almost a 0% success rate and the female almost a 100%? I mean, if it was me then I would naturally ask “This is a psychology (or sociology) experiment, isn’t it?” because my expectations have been conditioned by years of experience, but in some parallel universe where I wasn’t morally certain this was the case… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/27 "2009-04-04T21:52:54Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Wasn’t there supposed to be some psychology or sociology experiment where a male and female student, roughly equal as to attractiveness, asked perfect strangers of the opposite gender if they would like to have sex, and the male got almost a 0% success rate and the female almost a 100%? > > I mean, if it was me then I would naturally ask “This is a psychology (or sociology) experiment, isn’t it?” because my expectations have been conditioned by years of experience, but in some parallel universe where I wasn’t morally certain this was the case… As mentioned upthread, and confirmed by the OP (i.e. that crazy dude who used to threaten people with mutant bees) the question was really meant to be in regards to a woman propositioning a SPECIFIC man–say a friend–whom she has a crush on. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/28 "2009-04-04T22:07:26Z")
Quoth **Skald** : > [@](#): > > There’s some guy out there whom Monica Bellucci could walk up to, naked, and offer to pleasure, only to be told, “Sorry. I know you’re Earth’s hottest hottie, but you just don’t do it for me.” If Ms. Bellucci (or Keira Knightly, or Catherine Zeta-Jones, or any other woman I find exceptionally attractive) walked up to me thus unclad and made such an offer, I would politely tell her that I was quite enjoying the view, but that I would have to spend considerable time getting to know her better before I would be able to accept. Mind you, I’m not the sort of guy whom hot celebrities would proposition in the nude in the first place, but since we’re talking hypothetically and all. Quoth **Siege** : > [@](#): > > On the other hand, if someone tries to tell me sexism is dead, I simply point out the different reactions a man and a woman would get if each of them walked into a bar and said, “God, I’m horny! I just want to get laid!” I suspect the woman would get a lot more offers, depending, of course, on the bar. That’s not a sign that sexism isn’t dead; just a sign that sex isn’t dead. We’ve got 340 million years of evolution driving females to be pickier about their mates than are males; a few decades of social changes in one species isn’t going to change that. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/29 "2009-04-04T22:14:40Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Quoth **Skald** :If Ms. Bellucci (or Keira Knightly, or Catherine Zeta-Jones, or any other woman I find exceptionally attractive) You seem to be putting Signorina Knightley in the same league as Signora Bellucci. That’s just insane. The latter is a goddess whose mere existence either proves that the Greek gods DO exists (as she is clearly Aphrodite) or that they DONT exists (as if she is not Aphrodite, she would constantly find herself being smited BY Aphrodite out of jealousy). The latter has a lovely face but a body more likely to be compared to Ganymede’s. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/30 "2009-04-04T22:19:15Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Wasn’t there supposed to be some psychology or sociology experiment where a male and female student, roughly equal as to attractiveness, asked perfect strangers of the opposite gender if they would like to have sex, and the male got almost a 0% success rate and the female almost a 100%? > > I mean, if it was me then I would naturally ask “This is a psychology (or sociology) experiment, isn’t it?” because my expectations have been conditioned by years of experience, but in some parallel universe where I wasn’t morally certain this was the case… There’s the thing. I’d probably say no if a random woman walked up and asked for sex, but it’s not because I feel some need for emotional connection before sex. It’s because such behavior is so out of the norm for a woman, I’d be suspicious of her motives and honesty. ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/31 "2009-04-04T22:20:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > the fact that I think that Natalie Portman is infiitely more comely than this girl whose name I have never bothered to learn stems from my general contrariness and unwillingness to be conventional. I’m pretty sure the name you are missing is [Jennifer Love Hewitt](http://www.askmen.com/specials/2008_top_99/jennifer-love-hewitt-76-1.html). I think if you are going to suggest that you are unwilling to be conventional you are have to try something other than claiming you find [Natalie Portman](http://www.askmen.com/specials/2008_top_99/natalie-portman-15-1.html) attractive. [AskMen.com](http://AskMen.com) has Hewitt at 76 and Portman at 22 so you are pretty darn conventional here. I do prefer the pic they used for [her](http://www.askmen.com/specials/2007_top_99/22/natalie-portman/picture-1.html) in the 2007 list though. As for the subject of this thread I have no doubt that women could be turned down for all the reasons mentioned. I also have no doubt that a women would be MUCH mor successful than a man trying though. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/32 "2009-04-04T22:26:46Z")
> [@justrob](#): > > I’m pretty sure the name you are missing is [Jennifer Love Hewitt](http://www.askmen.com/specials/2008_top_99/jennifer-love-hewitt-76-1.html). I think if you are going to suggest that you are unwilling to be conventional you are have to try something other than claiming you find [Natalie Portman](http://www.askmen.com/specials/2008_top_99/natalie-portman-15-1.html) attractive. [AskMen.com](http://AskMen.com) has Hewitt at 76 and Portman at 22 so you are pretty darn conventional here. I do prefer the pic they used for [her](http://www.askmen.com/specials/2007_top_99/22/natalie-portman/picture-1.html) in the 2007 list though. I wasn’t trying to be unconventional by saying I think Natalie Portman is hot. That was my brother’s contention, as the part of my post you snipped makes clear. ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/33 "2009-04-04T22:30:52Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I wasn’t trying to be unconventional by saying I think Natalie Portman is hot. That was my brother’s contention, as the part of my post you snipped makes clear. Fair enough. You’re right though, Natalie Portman is hotter that Jennifer Love Hewitt. Now you can tell your brother that you think it because some goof you’ve never met from a message board said it was true. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/34 "2009-04-04T23:33:24Z")
That is compeltely not true. The only reason people think it’s true is because they have Monica Belucci or Jennifer Love Hewitt or Megan Fox in mind as a “typical woman”. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/35 "2009-04-04T23:48:20Z")
> [@](#): > > You seem to be putting Signorina Knightley in the same league as Signora Bellucci. That’s just insane. The latter is a goddess whose mere existence either proves that the Greek gods DO exists (as she is clearly Aphrodite) or that they DONT exists (as if she is not Aphrodite, she would constantly find herself being smited BY Aphrodite out of jealousy). The latter has a lovely face but a body more likely to be compared to Ganymede’s. I’m sure we can come to some sort of amicable settlement on this… I know, you get Monica, and I get Keira. Any dispute with this arrangement? Seriously, it’s hard to say precisely why Keira Knightly is so hot. It certainly isn’t her body, as you point out, and while her face is nice, it’s not all _that_ nice, by Hollywood standards. Near as I can figure, it’s something in the way she moves, since still pictures never seem to do her justice. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2009, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/36 "2009-04-04T23:53:48Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’m sure we can come to some sort of amicable settlement on this… I know, you get Monica, and I get Keira. Any dispute with this arrangement? > > Seriously, it’s hard to say precisely why Keira Knightly is so hot. It certainly isn’t her body, as you point out, and while her face is nice, it’s not all _that_ nice, by Hollywood standards. Near as I can figure, it’s something in the way she moves, since still pictures never seem to do her justice. Oh, I don’t know. Keira’s face is incredibly lovely. I’m sure people occasionally lose track of what they were talking about when they’re talking to her because they’re captivated by that incredible face. I was just mocking her torso to be cruel. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2009, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/37 "2009-04-05T00:45:16Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > My guess is, as a general rule: > > 1 woman + 10 guys, she says “anybody wanna go to bed with me?” She’ll get a yes 100% of the time unless she’s on the bottom 10 or 15% in physical beauty. > > 1 man + 10 women, he says “anybody wanna go to bed with me?” He’ll get a yes 5% of the time. Brad Pitt levels of hotness (did it sound too gay?) will increase the chance to 20%. This sounds about right to me. I like Keira Knightley very much indeed, but I’ll admit I’ve seen some pics of her where she looked disturbingly thin. This is not one of them: [http://lh6.ggpht.com/\_G43RLRLrQps/R2hUtPRl0EI/AAAAAAAAArw/qvK-\_99csJM/pirates6.jpg](http://lh6.ggpht.com/_G43RLRLrQps/R2hUtPRl0EI/AAAAAAAAArw/qvK-_99csJM/pirates6.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2009, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/38 "2009-04-05T01:50:35Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Wasn’t there supposed to be some psychology or sociology experiment where a male and female student, roughly equal as to attractiveness, asked perfect strangers of the opposite gender if they would like to have sex, and the male got almost a 0% success rate and the female almost a 100%? > > I mean, if it was me then I would naturally ask “This is a psychology (or sociology) experiment, isn’t it?” because my expectations have been conditioned by years of experience, but in some parallel universe where I wasn’t morally certain this was the case… Yep, [this one](http://www.marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2004/10/the_difference_.html) (it’s only summarized there but it mentions where you can find the full study results published). It’s what I cited in the original thread when I made that statement. I also noted that in the lecture I heard about it in, on the [Academic Earth](http://academicearth.org/lectures/what-motivates-us-sex) site, the professor said “the 25% of men who said no to ‘will you go to bed with me tonight?’ all apologized profusely, saying things 'like ‘my fiancee is in town’ etc.”. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2009, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/39 "2009-04-05T02:26:51Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Actually, I think that you are comparing two different things. “Being laughed at” is a social fear; being raped or killed is a fear of assault. One is the fear of what a perfectly normal woman might do; the other what a male predator might do. > > A more comparable male fear of women would be the fear of their lives being destroyed by a woman falsely accusing them of rape, or being forced to pay child support for a child that’s not yours. The sorts of things a predatory or malicious woman does. But you won’t normally get those mentioned if the subject is dating and the question asked of men is “what’s your greatest fear about women ?” They’ll think that you are talking about women who **aren’t** predatory or malicious. In one way, you’re right. However, I was quoting someone else, who was quoting someone else. My point is, when women consider dating/hooking up with a guy, they have a very real and realistic fear of being assaulted. Men’s biggest fear of a potential date or hookup is that she might laugh at him, and the fear of being accused of rape or getting slapped with a paternity suit is much smaller. I think that realistically, the chances of a woman laughing or mocking a guy on a date or hookup is much greater than of her accusing him of rape or fatherhood. I have no idea how great the risks of getting assaulted or killed in a dating situation are for women these days. I’d guess, though, that the risks are much higher than a man’s chances of getting falsely accused of rape or paternity. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2009, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/40 "2009-04-05T02:30:55Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > That is compeltely not true. The only reason people think it’s true is because they have Monica Belucci or Jennifer Love Hewitt or Megan Fox in mind as a “typical woman”. Thank you!! I had been wondering where men get nutty ridiculous irrational ideas like this: “1 woman + 10 guys, she says “anybody wanna go to bed with me?” She’ll get a yes 100% of the time unless she’s on the bottom 10 or 15% in physical beauty.” (Originally Posted by Malacandra) I can tell you, because I am the sort of woman who \*\*will **occasionally find myself in a situation where it seems appropriate to say, "Wanna f** k?", that this 100% figure is ludicrous. Men, you’re just whining if you actually believe that. Not to mention that average testosterone levels are **down 15%** (in men) from **15 years ago**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916.md?page=3)