# "If you're a female and you want to get a man in bed, all you have to do is ask." **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916 "2009-04-03T21:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/61 "2009-04-06T16:44:48Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > **Lamia** pretty much makes the point, although not in the way she intended - because in order for her thought experiment to end in the man turning down sex she has to put a horribly ugly woman into the equation. 🙂 I chose the word “unappealing” for a reason. A person can be very unappealing without being ugly at all. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/62 "2009-04-06T18:19:17Z")
This thread is a nice companion piece to the one about [crude come-ons](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=512441). A LOT of the stories in the other thread are about women who unsuccessfully propositioned male posters. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/63 "2009-04-06T18:22:10Z")
Maybe I don’t travel in the right circles, but having lovely strangers invite me to sleep with them just doesn’t happen to me often. A few occasions come to mind, though, that I turned down the offer. In two cases, I was pretty sure it would be a commercial transaction. The third smoked little cigars, and she didn’t seem to think that would distract men. The fourth should have had a warning label, “Instant Bitch, just add alcohol.” She seemed appealing at first. She was a hairworker, and when she cut my hair, she devoted more attention to massaging my scalp and neck, and running her fingers through my hair than I had experienced before. I feel fortunate that she showed her true colors before she lured me to bed. After a few vodkas, she was getting into arguments with people across the room. I went to the restroom, quickly paid my bill, and slipped out to my car. I found out later that she left right after I did, and my pals were needling me about being the demon barber’s boyfriend for weeks afterward. She made a few more passes over a month’s time, but I was carrying a crucifix and garlic by then. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/64 "2009-04-07T08:32:54Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > I chose the word “unappealing” for a reason. A person can be very unappealing without being ugly at all. Okay, “very unappealing”. Still doesn’t rebut the supposition that, _ceteris paribus_, a woman politely but straightforwardly asking for sex is on much firmer ground than a man doing likewise. I don’t believe anyone was saying it was a 100% sure thing. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/65 "2009-04-07T16:47:19Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Okay, “very unappealing”. Still doesn’t rebut the supposition that, _ceteris paribus_, a woman politely but straightforwardly asking for sex is on much firmer ground than a man doing likewise. That was not the question being asked by the OP, so my response was not addressing that claim. > [@](#): > > _I don’t believe anyone was saying it was a 100% sure thing._ The title question in this thread certainly seems to be presenting it as a 100% sure thing that _any_ woman could get _any_ man into bed simply by asking. If I misunderstood **Skald** ’s question about this claim then I hope he will correct me, but I am pretty sure I was answering the question being asked here. I think it should be obvious enough that there are many women in the world who for one reason or another would be considered undesirable by many men, still more who would not meet the standards of a particular man, and others who might not be in and of themselves unappealing but who would be refused for situational reasons (one is the other’s superior at work, he’s in another relationship, she’s his best friend’s girl, etc). ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/66 "2009-04-08T01:05:26Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Oh, I don’t know. Keira’s face is incredibly lovely. I’m sure people occasionally lose track of what they were talking about when they’re talking to her because they’re captivated by that incredible face. I was just mocking her torso to be cruel. I have a friend who looks very, very much like Keira Knightly, though, if anything, prettier (and she has a better body). I have actually witnessed people do exactly what you’re talking about - lose track of their chain of thought while gazing at her. She’s one of that rare breed of men and women who is so extraordinarily beautiful (nothing to do with charisma, either, just looks) that they exert a kind of magnetic pull over everyone around them. But I would still have turned her down if the offer ever came up - not that it ever would, since she has a very specific type that she’s attracted to - I would still have said no because she’s not my type either. Beautiful to look at yeah, but, all the same, she doesn’t make me go tingly. > [@drastic\_quench](#): > > Take away the totally fictional and alarm-tripping “sidewalk proposition” scenario and replace it with a normal social setting, like a bar or a coffee house (if you prefer alcohol not influence the results), an I’d wager that a woman of reasonable attractiveness could successfully proposition a man of suitable attractiveness inside a half hour assuming a reasonable crowd. Now, a man of proportional attractiveness would be extremely fortunate to match her feat; there’s a reason we call it getting lucky. Yep. That’s just true. I’d say that a woman wouldn’t even have to be of reasonable attractiveness; if she were really, unusually under-endowed in the beauty department then she might have problems, or if she were an obvious nut-job or something, but even then she’d have a better chance than a man who was a nutjob who also looked like a half-chewed pistachio. > [@Lamia](#): > > That was not the question being asked by the OP, so my response was not addressing that claim. > The title question in this thread certainly seems to be presenting it as a 100% sure thing that _any_ woman could get _any_ man into bed simply by asking. I’m still not sure that’s what the OP meant in the other thread. It would be a pretty silly thing to say. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/67 "2009-04-08T10:09:13Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > That was not the question being asked by the OP, so my response was not addressing that claim. > The title question in this thread certainly seems to be presenting it as a 100% sure thing that _any_ woman could get _any_ man into bed simply by asking. If I misunderstood **Skald** ’s question about this claim then I hope he will correct me, but I am pretty sure I was answering the question being asked here. > > I think it should be obvious enough that there are many women in the world who for one reason or another would be considered undesirable by many men, still more who would not meet the standards of a particular man, and others who might not be in and of themselves unappealing but who would be refused for situational reasons (one is the other’s superior at work, he’s in another relationship, she’s his best friend’s girl, etc). Oh well, kudos to you for alertly spotting that the OP was asking if it was true that a leprous octogenarian female with dementia could jump Orlando Bloom’s bones just for the asking, but you’ll understand that it was a perfectly understandable mistake on my part to have assumed that a slightly more interesting question was being discussed. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916/68 "2009-04-08T13:52:05Z")
**Malacandra** , I don’t understand why you are so determined to pick a fight with me over this. If my posting bothers you so much then I encourage you to make use of the “Ignore” feature. The OP here apparently did not have any problem with my response to his question, and I did not make the response hoping to get sucked into some stupid side squabble with you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-a-female-and-you-want-to-get-a-man-in-bed-all-you-have-to-do-is-ask/491916.md?page=3)