# If you're attacked by a goose... **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 8, 2015, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334 "2015-08-08T21:00:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/1 "2015-08-08T21:00:51Z")
Is it legal to kill it, out of season and without a license, in self-defense? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/2 "2015-08-08T21:07:47Z")
I’d rather be judged by nine than pecked to death. Around these parts, no jury would convict you. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/3 "2015-08-08T21:39:55Z")
There is no legal obligation to submit to assault by goose that I’m aware of. ---
**Author:** ![HeXen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@HeXen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeXen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/4 "2015-08-08T21:46:18Z")
You shouldn’t have to kill it to defend yourself. I never had any problems with keeping them off of me, usually I just keep my distance and we’re all cool. Like anything else in life, you should always be fully aware of your environment and pay attention. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/5 "2015-08-08T21:48:16Z")
> [@HeXen](#): > > You shouldn’t have to kill it to defend yourself. I never had any problems with keeping them off of me, usually I just keep my distance and we’re all cool. Like anything else in life, you should always be fully aware of your environment and pay attention. I don’t know about geese but there was an incident where a swan killed a man. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/6 "2015-08-08T21:57:00Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Is it legal to kill it, out of season and without a license, in self-defense? Self-defense is generally legally acceptable only as a last resort – when other options are not available. Like running away – presumably you are able to run faster than a goose. P.S. I don’t know how this is affected in the various states with “Stand Your Ground” laws – do such laws even apply to _Anser domesticus_? ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/7 "2015-08-08T21:57:51Z")
Need answer fast? ---
**Author:** ![Habeed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a587f6/32.png) [@Habeed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Habeed)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/8 "2015-08-09T07:58:49Z")
Make sure to shout out “it’s coming right for me” before shooting, in case any game wardens or other authorities are in earshot. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/9 "2015-08-09T08:08:49Z")
> [@HeXen](#): > > You shouldn’t have to kill it to defend yourself. I never had any problems with keeping them off of me, usually I just keep my distance and we’re all cool. Like anything else in life, you should always be fully aware of your environment and pay attention. I had one attack a squad car I was driving. There were goslings around and mama goose is not to be trifled with! Seriously. This sounds like a funny thread but a mother goose who thinks she needs to protect her babies can be a serious bitch! ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/10 "2015-08-09T08:20:36Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > I don’t know how this is affected in the various states with “Stand Your Ground” laws Also, be careful not to over-feed the goose. Because not only will the goose “Stand His Ground” 🙂 – he’ll\* file a civil suit against you , using free lawyers from PETA. \*(and, yeah, I know that a goose is “she”.A he-goose is called a gander. But who cares? ) ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/11 "2015-08-09T08:31:58Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > Like running away – presumably you are able to run faster than a goose. [I don’t know.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WVTG3dXuVM) And that’s when they’re just…in transit I guess? Presumably they can run faster when they’re pissed. They’re not nice birds. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_of\_Words](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f6c823/32.png) [@Jack\_of\_Words](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_of_Words)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/12 "2015-08-09T08:39:15Z")
I was bitten by a goose once (well, a gander). A few days earlier it had been hissing at me for coming a bit close to its mate, and I’d been advised by the goose-wrangler to kick it. I was horrified: “I can’t kick a goose!”. Then I hopped over a low stone wall to go tell the gooseherd that there was a phone call for him…and landed right next to the same gander, who ‘bit’ - he got a good grip on my calf with his ridged beak, and twisted. Turns out I _can_ kick a goose. It’s all down to motivation. I didn’t have to kill it though. Generally speaking, animals don’t want to die, so making yourself large and loud and threatening should be enough to see off a goose. But as I was recently reminded, despite this being the world-wide intertubes I should presume that everyone else is American. In which case, if the goose is armed with an automatic weapon, yes, I think you’re legally, ethically and patriotically well within your rights to kill it. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/13 "2015-08-09T08:46:17Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > I don’t know about geese but there was an incident where a swan killed a man. Geese are absolutely violent assholes, the ganders in particular. They’re basically gangsta birds. If you get in their grill, they’ll pop a beak in your ass without a second thought. Or a first, really. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/14 "2015-08-09T14:07:52Z")
For some reason, every goose/gander I ever saw go after a man went for the crotchal area. Cover up, guys! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/15 "2015-08-09T14:08:09Z")
So once you’ve stopped the goose from attacking you, and it’s dead, can you take it home and eat it? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/16 "2015-08-09T14:09:28Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > For some reason, every goose/gander I ever saw go after a man went for the crotchal area. Cover up, guys! Yeah, I was bitten by a goose once. A couple of inches higher, and it would have spoiled my afternoon with my girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/17 "2015-08-09T14:15:11Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Yeah, I was bitten by a goose once. A gøøse once bit my sister. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/18 "2015-08-09T14:17:00Z")
Also note that some geese species are Federally protected critters with crazy fines for molesting them. You might be able to win in single combat vs. the goose, but lose the many v one combat with the Federal Wildlife Service. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/19 "2015-08-09T14:18:02Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > For some reason, every goose/gander I ever saw go after a man went for the crotchal area. Cover up, guys! They’re simply attacking what’s at eye / beak level for them. Ducks are serious ankle biters instead. Always tangle only with shorter geese and you’ll be fine. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334/20 "2015-08-09T14:24:17Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Yeah, I was bitten by a goose once. A couple of inches higher, and it would have spoiled my afternoon with my girlfriend. The way _ **I** _ heard it, you and the goose had a date and you stood her up. BIG MAN! 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-attacked-by-a-goose/727334.md?page=2)