# If you're going to fight me, you better come strong **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 3, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298 "2014-10-03T19:14:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/61 "2014-10-07T00:26:30Z")
I baked you a cake! ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/62 "2014-10-07T01:28:12Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > A flatulence platter. Bean salad with chilli and garlic, Hard boiled eggs, pickled onions, Kabana and some sauerkraut. > I completely disregard the UN conventions against chemical weapons. Boogly, I may require the assistance of your helicoptering to ensure that the noxious gasses don’t spread. Don’t spread? As in contain?! **SON YOUR POSTS ARE WRITING CHECKS MY SCROTUM CAN’T CASH!** ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/63 "2014-10-07T02:15:11Z")
^ Stop bitching and get that scrotum a swinging. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/64 "2014-10-07T03:41:57Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > ^ > > Stop bitching and get that scrotum a swinging. 😃 I’m feeling somewhat nauseated. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/65 "2014-10-07T03:47:41Z")
Stay tuned for more of the Dynamic Duo in this weeks episode, ‘Blow hard, come strong’. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/66 "2014-10-07T05:15:32Z")
If you are lucky, I will only throw a feral cat at your face. If I’m in a bad mood, I’ll get all pedantic in your face and discuss HP Lovecraft and his influence on fiction. After you pass out from boredom, I’ll drag your unconscious body into the kitty rescue room and close the door, leaving you to smell the UNCLEANED litter boxes. (They are usually cleaned twice a day…but just for you, I won’t clean them for TWO days.) ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/67 "2014-10-07T15:43:39Z")
I bake you cookies and fold your laundry for you… on my way to killing you with kindness. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/68 "2014-10-07T16:05:31Z")
Bunch of pansies. The only one who’s man enough to shut their yapper and attempt anything beyond a feather-tickle is Wile E, who has dug deep into my psyche and launched a massive frothy turd with an intent to turn me into a jibbering fetus. But even that hasn’t worked and I will now chop his balls off to prevent any further generations of E’s from bothering me while I sit on this barstool and drink my Old Style pints. So if none of you is cowboy enough to take me on, shut your sausage holes and get outta my face! But if you are cowboy enough, I’m currently accepting new applications for ass-whippings out in the alley. For the record, diarrhea filled jacuzzis and stir fry cooked in sesame oil are especially effective in their attempts to cripple me. But if you utilize either of them, prepare to fucking _bring it_ already! ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/69 "2014-10-07T16:26:44Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Bunch of pansies. The only one who’s man enough to shut their yapper and attempt anything beyond a feather-tickle is Wile E, who has dug deep into my psyche and launched a massive frothy turd with an intent to turn me into a jibbering fetus. But even that hasn’t worked and I will now chop his balls off to prevent any further generations of E’s from bothering me while I sit on this barstool and drink my Old Style pints. > > So if none of you is cowboy enough to take me on, shut your sausage holes and get outta my face! But if you are cowboy enough, I’m currently accepting new applications for ass-whippings out in the alley. > > For the record, diarrhea filled jacuzzis and stir fry cooked in sesame oil are especially effective in their attempts to cripple me. But if you utilize either of them, prepare to fucking _bring it_ already! Ha ha! Jokes on you, I don’t have any balls! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/70 "2014-10-07T17:53:00Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Ha ha! Jokes on you, I don’t have any balls! 😛 men are constantly underestimating the power of pussy ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/71 "2014-10-07T18:10:53Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > men are constantly underestimating the power of pussy and eunuchs! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/72 "2014-10-07T18:42:15Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Ha ha! Jokes on you, I don’t have any balls! 😛 Jokes on you- I’m planning to glue Boogly’s balls to your forehead and subsequently chop them off. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/73 "2014-10-07T19:15:38Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Jokes on you- I’m planning to glue Boogly’s balls to your forehead and subsequently chop them off. As long as they come off I don’t have a problem with that. You know, you have a little trouble bringing it, too. I think you’re all talk. I mean how scared can we be of someone who calls himself “Happy”? ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/74 "2014-10-07T19:58:39Z")
So it has come to this: paper cut to the head of your penis! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/75 "2014-10-07T20:35:33Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Jokes on you- I’m planning to glue Boogly’s balls to your forehead and subsequently chop them off. > [@xizor](#): > > So it has come to this: paper cut to the head of your penis! This is officially the most disturbing thread I have ever read on the Dope. Of course it isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/76 "2014-10-07T20:37:51Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > So it has come to this: paper cut to the head of your penis! Hmm… maybe Happy is right. You may need to take that up a notch or two. _hands xizor some lemon juice_ ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/77 "2014-10-07T20:42:58Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > So it has come to this: paper cut to the head of your penis! > [@Wile\_E](#): > > Hmm… maybe Happy is right. You may need to take that up a notch or two. _hands xizor some lemon juice_ I do hope you folks have had the pleasure of seeing [Un Chien Andalou - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Un_Chien_Andalou) which has some scenes readily available on YouTube but I’ll be damned if I’ll link to them. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/78 "2014-10-07T20:53:19Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Hmm… maybe Happy is right. You may need to take that up a notch or two. _hands xizor some lemon juice_ Lemon juice is water-soluble, you need a nice, plump habanero, sliced open, so the pain will persist. Heck, you do not even need an open wound for that, there are a lot of nerve-endings in the head of a penis. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/79 "2014-10-07T20:55:35Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > Lemon juice is water-soluble, you need a nice, plump habanero, sliced open, so the pain will persist. Heck, you do not even need an open wound for that, there are a lot of nerve-endings in the head of a penis. I actually had “hot pepper” in my post but I edited it out. I was just trying to get him thinking, I didn’t want to do all the work for him. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298/80 "2014-10-07T21:15:43Z")
Little do you clowns know you’re describing my normal bedtime routine, only I soak the hab in fucking gasoline for a few days. Unless you nerds are ready to bring it full-on nuclear-style, stop harshing my buzz and go bother someone else. Hey man, I didn’t pick this fight, but believe me: I \*will \*end it. For you, and everyone standing within 200 feet of you, and their families, to the 80th generation, including livestock. So step off, bro, step off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-going-to-fight-me-you-better-come-strong/700298.md?page=5)