# If you're heavy, would you be insulted if someone bought you a fitness game? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 22, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686 "2010-09-22T19:16:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/41 "2010-09-23T05:32:14Z")
As a chubette, were you to give DDR to me without me expressing an interest, I’d think that you’d taken me on as a project. Kind of a weight loss version of _Pygmalion_, reeking of manipulation. I certainly would be rethinking our friendship. If it were something I’d expressed interest in, it would be a whole 'nother thing. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/42 "2010-09-23T11:37:06Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] Give it to (other thin friends)? Probably not - I don’t exchange gifts with too many (unrelated) people. I do recommend it, though, when people bitch about feeling cooped up during the winter. [/QUOTE] I think you’ve answered your own question. Recommend it to your friend as being a fun way to get exercise, and then leave it at that. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/43 "2010-09-23T11:51:00Z")
See if she’s interested first. You have DDR at home, right? Invite your friend over and see if she enjoys it. I definitely wouldn’t buy it for her out of the blue. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/44 "2010-09-23T12:26:50Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Seriously? Oakminster said “MYOB” with the “F” left out but implied. \*That’s \*denigrating, not what I said. “MYOB” was an established expression for a long time before it became cute in some circles to add the profanity. There is no implication there. **Oakminster** was responding to a _request for opinions_ by giving his. It may have been blunt, it might even be wrong, but it _was_ a fair answer to the OP, and not a denigration. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/45 "2010-09-23T12:46:54Z")
I’d probably be insulted. The best thing you can do is serve as an example. Join a gym and get in shape. Make a casual mention of it, as in “I’ve lost a few pounds”/“I have more energy now”, etc, etc. Ask if she wants to join. When/if she asks you out to lunch, try to suggest some place where you can order healthier food. That said, you have to truly be in it for yourself - that is what the example is and hopefully it will inspire her. You cannot force inspiration. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/46 "2010-09-23T13:12:44Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > be a little weirded out if a guy friend invited me to pole dancing with him. 😃 Coffee, then? ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/47 "2010-09-23T15:00:44Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > If you’re overweight, would you be insulted if a friend bought you a christmas gift that’s clearly exercise related? What if the slimmer friend used it herself, and told you that it was fun and this is her favorite version of the game, rather than emphasized the fact that people play it to lose weight? Obviously most people would realize that encouraging exercise is part of the intent of the gift besides the fact that it’s fun, but does how it’s presented affect whether or not it _feels_ insulting? I would invite her over, then play it together with an attitute of OMG this is the most funnest thing EVAR!, and see if she enjoys it. If she does, then give her one for Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/48 "2010-09-23T15:37:36Z")
I think that giving a “pointed” gift is, in general, an awful idea, not because it’s not well meant, but because the vast majority of people who might, for instance, benefit from more exercise already know that and don’t get round to it for some reason (either because they have a genuine physical reason why they can’t, or because they’re just not motivated, or whatever), not because they genuinely would like a gym membership but can’t afford it or didn’t think of it. So in the vast majority of cases it won’t help, so however well meant, it’s likely to come off really awfully. Many friends have problems one wishes one could fix, but you can’t always do it, and it’s often insulting to try, because while SOMETIMES your ideas are better than theirs, typically you’re suggesting something they already have thought of. However, DDR is something that is genuinely fun, and that many people would enjoy, and many people have found actually DOES help them get fit, even though they’d not thought of it until a friend recommended it. So I think it s quite a reasonable present. Basically there’s two questions. (1) Would you get this gift for someone else unrelated to someone you thought specifically might use more exercise? and (2) If not, if you’re specifically trying to help, is it in any way likely to ACTUALLY help? I submit 2 is almost always no, but that here 1 is probably true. Hence, I think DDR is a good idea. It’s certainly reasonable to tell her you enjoyed it and ask if she’s ever tried it. She’s likely to say something like “no, I hate the idea” or “oh, it sounds fun, but I never have”, and you can take your cue from that. Edit: On rereading the post, I see that she is your _best_ friend. If so, my advice may be overly negative, and it would be reasonable to talk to ask her about it. My limited experience advice says, simply be helpful and non-judgemental. Most people (visibly overweight or not) could benefit from more exercise and know this perfectly well, and might value talking to someone about it. What people REALLY REALLY HATE is where everyone automatically assumes that it would be easy to fix if they weren’t so stupid they haven’t thought of blatantly obvious ideas, so it’s necessary for everyone else to constantly point these out… ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/49 "2010-09-23T22:34:36Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > > [@newcrasher](#): > > > > Forget their feelings - if you love them you may be saving their life! > > > > I found out I had diabetes about 20 months ago. I was in a funk. I was 37 and overweight. My mom got me the Wii Fit. It got me moving and motivated. Now I have run a 1/2 marathon, am an avid biker and am training for a full marathon. I have outgrown the Wii Fit, but it lit the fire for me. > > > > Do it. > > Let me get this straight - you _were_ fat, but then (with your mom’s help) you mustered up some willpower to get off your lardbutt and _do_ something about it? And now you’re all athletic and stuff? > > Geez, way to kill my self esteem, lady. I was all ready to defend my overweight self as just the way God made me, nothin’ I can do about it, but now I guess I’ll just fall back on calling my pre-diabetic condition a happy lifestyle choice. > > Yeah, that’s the ticket. For the record, any doctor without my medical records would never be able to tell I am diabetic. If you are still pre-diabetic, you can make some lifetsyle changes and take control of it now… You. Can. Do. It. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/50 "2010-09-24T02:16:27Z")
Depends. If it was something I had mentioned looked fun or otherwise expressed an interest in, it wouldn’t be at all insulting. That’s a true gift–something given from the heart because you honestly believe someone will enjoy it. The possibility of losing weight is just an afterthought. In the situation you describe, though…that would be an effort to fix me, with any possibility of me actually enjoying the gift as an afterthought. How could you think it wouldn’t be insulting? ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/51 "2010-09-24T02:50:11Z")
Great galloping cats, people, it’s a game! DDR is a game! It’s not a diet book or exercise regime. It’s not even a “fitness” game like WiiFit. it’s a dance game, it’s for fun! It’s something the OP enjoys, maybe her friend will enjoy it, too. If someone gave me the game, I would thank them. Now if they gave me the game and made sure to mention that they knew lots of people who played it and lost weight, it might temper my enthusiasm a bit because I would think they were implying I needed to lose weight. (I _think_ it might temper my enthusiasm. In actual fact, I could stand to lose a few pounds and while I’m not wild about my friends pointing that out, I accept it as fact. But then again, since I don’t care a whole lot, I might not care.) A couple of years ago I gave my granddaughter a DDR-style game. It was not the only one she got. I think we were all kind of hoping she’d like it, and also that maybe she’d lose some of her, um, baby fat. Not that anyone is going to say a 7-year-old is too fat. That wasn’t the point, though. I was looking for something she didn’t already have, and the kids’ playroom basically looks like my son & DIL went into a toy store and ordered one each of all the girl toys, one each of all the boy toys, and two each of everything else. But she did like it. The “pointed” gifts I give her and my grandson now are books. I don’t think anyone else is giving her books. The basic idea is, maybe she will like reading when she doesn’t have to do it for school. So there is an ulterior motive there, too. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/52 "2010-09-24T03:01:34Z")
Hey, how about this, would you be insulted if I put you through some kind of anti-meme, anti-brainwashing, anti-medical propaganda, anti-statistics and deprogramming class? Because most of the people on this board and saturated in the pop-health culture of America need it… why are you two convinced she can’t be healthy, happy, long lived and overweight? Because no matter what all of the current fad, pop study, special interest, medical science statistics say, its quite possible to be a fat, jolly, old motherfucker…just look at Santa Claus. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/53 "2010-09-25T06:42:20Z")
Not at all. I’d be flattered that my friend cared enough about my health to buy me a game instead of another stupid Pandora charm. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686/54 "2010-09-25T10:50:21Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > Great galloping cats, people, it’s a game! DDR is a game! It’s not a diet book or exercise regime. It’s not _what_ the gift is, it’s _why_ it’s being given that’s the problem. It’s not up to the OP to police her friend’s body (no, not even her “best” friend) or her activity level, and not up to her to make suggestions on how to change it, let alone give her products for that express purpose. I find it telling, by the way, that this is the OP’s “best” friend and yet she’s here claiming that she’s unsure if said “best” friend would be insulted by getting a gift that’s clearly for the purpose of weight loss. I think the OP knows the answer to that already and was just looking for pats on the head from people who were going to agree with her that weight loss is necessary for health (untrue) and of course that fat fat fattie “best” friend (who she talks about behind her back on message boards) should be slobbering with gratitude that someone “cares” enough about her to give her gifts that telegraph a decided message of “your body bothers me, change it.” To specifically answer the question: if anyone gave me a gift like that, which is so transparent it may as well be a sheet of plate glass, they’d be a _former_ best friend. That kind of busybodying is bullshit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-heavy-would-you-be-insulted-if-someone-bought-you-a-fitness-game/554686.md?page=2)