# If you're not going to eat, don't tell me how I'm cooking it wrong!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-not-going-to-eat-dont-tell-me-how-im-cooking-it-wrong/264801>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [September 17, 2004, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-not-going-to-eat-dont-tell-me-how-im-cooking-it-wrong/264801 "2004-09-17T04:50:28Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\
**Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-not-going-to-eat-dont-tell-me-how-im-cooking-it-wrong/264801/41 "2004-09-20T06:21:29Z")

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Ooohhh…don’t feed him bratwurst, you’ll just make him mad.  
Or was that shooting Mongo? :smack:

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**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\
**Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-not-going-to-eat-dont-tell-me-how-im-cooking-it-wrong/264801/42 "2004-09-20T19:20:28Z")

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> [@duffer](#):
>
> Damnit, forgot my preferred method.
> 
> Simmer in a 2-1 beer/water mix with onions and/or sauerkraut veeerrryy ssssllloooowwwwlllyy. This prevents them from exploding, usually until fully cooked, then browning them on a grill. Yummm

Why the water?

Oh, do you pierce them at all before serving?

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**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\
**Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-not-going-to-eat-dont-tell-me-how-im-cooking-it-wrong/264801/43 "2004-09-20T19:39:12Z")

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> [@The Asbestos Mango](#):
>
> Do not allow the Mango to remain unfed, for the Mango has been known to gnaw people’s legs off when she is not given bratwurst in a timely fashion.

You will have to fight my fierce husband for those bratwurst, I fear, and he becomes grumpy indeed when predators enter our yard to steal our bratwurst. Beware the hulking, postal worker husband!

**lee** : I only pierce them if I see some sort of bubble that looks like it’ll explode and burn someone’s mouth in the process. Otherwise I try to leave them unpierced so you don’t lose the juices.

**duffer** : Probably the shooting part. I think Mongo would like bratwurst!

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**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\
**Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-youre-not-going-to-eat-dont-tell-me-how-im-cooking-it-wrong/264801/44 "2004-09-20T19:59:15Z")

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> [@Ferret Herder](#):
>
> **lee** : I only pierce them if I see some sort of bubble that looks like it’ll explode and burn someone’s mouth in the process. Otherwise I try to leave them unpierced so you don’t lose the juices.
> 
> **duffer** : Probably the shooting part. I think Mongo would like bratwurst!

I pierce them just before serving. I am usually rewarded with a fountain of brat juice. It is almost as satisfying as popping a zit. I had left on that looked innocent unpopped once and it scalded someone.

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