# If **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 12, 2000, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671 "2000-03-12T14:36:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/1 "2000-03-12T14:36:00Z")
… ---
**Author:** ![JamesCarroll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@JamesCarroll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JamesCarroll)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/2 "2000-03-12T14:42:00Z")
Great movie! ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/3 "2000-03-12T15:23:00Z")
…only… * * * “Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.” Bob Dylan ---
**Author:** ![Gail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Gail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gail)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/4 "2000-03-12T15:26:00Z")
“…a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you? The words will never show the you I’ve come to know.” * * * –Gail “Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place.” --John Cleese ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/5 "2000-03-13T06:10:00Z")
I had a hammer… * * * I’ll buy that for a dollar. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/6 "2000-03-13T06:10:00Z")
…Milo weren’t up so early, would he have posted a thread like this? ---
**Author:** ![NickyLarson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b2d939/32.png) [@NickyLarson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NickyLarson)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/7 "2000-03-13T06:11:00Z")
…was an interesting Sci-Fi masgazine… * * * “If I pinch my nose with my fingers, close my mouth tight, and blow real hard, I can make my ears bleed. It’s not as cool as Superman’s X-ray vision, but it’s my own special talent.” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/8 "2000-03-13T06:11:00Z")
…you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: ``` If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much, If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son! --Rudyard Kipling ``` ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/9 "2000-03-12T19:33:00Z")
…I had a million dollars… ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/10 "2000-03-12T22:24:00Z")
…I only had a brain… * * * This space blank, until Wally thinks up something cool to put here. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/11 "2000-03-12T22:28:00Z")
…I could put time in a bottle, if dreams could make wishes come true (Jim Groce)(sp?) * * * _I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it._ ---
**Author:** ![Cowboy\_Greg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Cowboy\_Greg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowboy_Greg)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/12 "2000-03-12T22:32:00Z")
… I knew then what I now now… * * * A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. ---
**Author:** ![GraceTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c4cdca/32.png) [@GraceTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraceTX)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/13 "2000-03-12T22:33:00Z")
…you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team. * * * “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/14 "2000-03-12T23:03:00Z")
…you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs… You obviously have no idea how bad the situation really is. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/15 "2000-03-12T23:27:00Z")
…wishes were liches, beggars would die. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/16 "2000-03-12T23:32:00Z")
…pigs had wings, we’d all wear hats. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2000, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/17 "2000-03-12T23:59:00Z")
…if’s and an’s were pots and pans there’d be no need of tinkers. * * * “No,” he replied, and smiled seraphically, as was his wont. ---
**Author:** ![GeneralRipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@GeneralRipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GeneralRipper)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/18 "2000-03-13T00:03:00Z")
## … I had a rocket launcher. Some son of a bitch would die. Peace on Earth = Purity Of Essence ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/19 "2000-03-13T01:09:00Z")
No, I’m sorry everyone. The correct answer was: “If Dog Rabbit Shit Bark Fart” It’s something my father-in-law says. He’s pretty goofy sometimes. * * * “Nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known” - Michel Gyquem de Montaigne ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671/20 "2000-03-13T01:19:00Z")
…you want my body, and you think I’m sexy…" Damn. Now I’ve got that song stuck in my head. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if/14671.md?page=2)