# Ifs and buts...

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ifs-and-buts/3237>\
**Category:** Factual Questions\
**Created:** [September 16, 1999, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ifs-and-buts/3237 "1999-09-16T02:05:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![yzzazz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8dc957/32.png) [@yzzazz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yzzazz)\
**Post date:** [September 16, 1999, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ifs-and-buts/3237/1 "1999-09-16T02:05:00Z")

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Could someone please tell me how to end this phrase I heard on an episode of “The Simpsons”:  
“If ifs and buts were candy and nuts…”  
…?  
I yearn for Homer’s undying wisdom.

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**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\
**Post date:** [September 16, 1999, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ifs-and-buts/3237/2 "1999-09-16T03:58:00Z")

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We’d all have a Merry Christmas!

* * *

Yer pal,  
Satan

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**Author:** ![BobT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e8cbc/32.png) [@BobT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobT)\
**Post date:** [September 16, 1999, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ifs-and-buts/3237/3 "1999-09-16T05:24:00Z")

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A clean version of this would be

If ifs and buts  
were candy and nuts,  
Oh what a sweet world  
this would be.

I say that when I want to really annoy people. It has never failed to annoy.