# I'll bet you would drive better with that cell phone up your ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 16, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834 "2012-09-16T00:46:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/21 "2012-09-16T04:57:42Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > What did you do to him the next day you saw him? I hope it was painful. Nothing. He was in marketing, on a different floor, and constantly in and out of the building. I didn’t see him again for weeks, by which time it was far too late to yell across the cafeteria,“Hey, Asshole, your uncle phoned about parental visitation rights again!” ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/22 "2012-09-16T05:18:42Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > … (Well, actually, you’ll never really “sue” her. Your lawyer will just send her Insurance co a letter, and they’ll settle out of court… This. If you’re not happy with the amount you’re offered, have your lawyer write them a letter threatening to take them to court, and all of a sudden they’ll offer a whole lot more. Worked like a charm for us - we got much more than the original laughable offer, including the lawyer’s fee. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/23 "2012-09-16T05:37:28Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > We live in the same state, **Alice**. The bint probably only has $20,000 insurance and I got my claim in first. You probably know how it works, when something that involves several vehicles, the one who files the insurance claim first gets paid first. When the money runs out, the other people involved are SOL. > > The insurance company will try to not pay. Thats just the way they work. > > My bike is a mess. I’m a mess. My back hurts and my leg hurts. Thank goodness that I was wearing protective gear, I’d probably be dead without it. > > I’m still too pissed off to be rational. And I hurt. A lot. > > I think I am going to be one of those people who gets rude when they see people on their fucking cell phones and driving. I’m going to start tossing pachino balls at their cars, just to wake them up. Really, you’d be suprised how much money they will shell out if they need to. Or if she doesnt have enough coverage, she will have to pay. Dont do the steel ball thing, in some states that is a felony, and it’s damn stupid besides. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/24 "2012-09-16T05:47:49Z")
Another vote for _Sue the bitch_. You should also contact the County Attorney and ask if there are going to be any charges filed against her. She hit you, she caused you harm. That should be good for some form of Vehicular Assault or something like that. Push for it. Demand it. Call more than once. She should also be up for Careless Driving, or Reckless Driving or whatever your state calls it. ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/25 "2012-09-16T06:36:17Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I’m afraid that I would have let the adrenaline rush carry me right along into beating her ass. Glad you have more restraint than I. Also glad you’re ok. This. _Exactly_ this. Really glad that you’re ok. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/26 "2012-09-16T07:16:09Z")
I’m very glad you’re relatively okay (you should get checked out pronto by a specialist), I’m very sorry about your bike and leathers and helmet, and SUE HER FUCKING ASS OFF. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/27 "2012-09-16T07:51:11Z")
> [@](#): > > **I’ll bet you would drive better with that cell phone up your ass.** > And I volunteer to shove it so far up your ass that you can dial with your tongue. You know, you might have a great business idea here. I’m sure that there are many, many people who know someone who desperately needs a cell phone shoved up the ass. I hear that large animal vets have gloves that reach all the way up to the elbows or shoulders. You probably need some of those things. I’m glad you’re still with us. The same basic thing happened to my husband’s nephew and grandnephew last weekend, except that they were in a pickup truck (that belongs to my husband). That pickup used to be a 4X4, and it got turned into a subcompact. Totalled, of course. The driver who was at fault had minimum insurance, of course. If this hadn’t been a heavy-duty truck, I don’t think that the nephew and his son would have survived. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/28 "2012-09-16T09:03:40Z")
Yep, sue her - and I NEVER say that. Considering what a really good helmet & jacket cost, plus any medical care you need (and you ought to be checked out if you weren’t already) AND your paint job, she needs to pay for her own stupidity. (My husband rides. He just paid $750 for a full face helmet _coughgag_ Money well spent tho!) I am SO glad you weren’t really hurt, and that no-one had your accidental maiming or death to live with forever. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/29 "2012-09-16T13:20:25Z")
This is what **your** insurance company’s lawyers are for, surely? Get **them** to go fuck with the other company. ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/30 "2012-09-16T13:30:44Z")
I’m very glad you’re okay. What a stupid bint. Please get yourself checked out, if you haven’t already. And I live in pachinko ball country! You just let me know how many I should send. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/31 "2012-09-16T13:32:05Z")
> [@](#): > > Glad you didn’t live up to your user name. Seconded. I’m glad you were not seriously hurt but sorry that you’re in pain now. I’d love to hear how this turns out. I am personally dedicated to not talking/texting and driving. I keep my phone, on vibrate so I can’t hear it and be tempted, in my purse. There is no call that can’t wait. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/32 "2012-09-16T14:06:43Z")
Driving is going to get even more interesting after the release of [Google’s smartphone glasses](http://slatest.slate.com/posts/2012/02/22/google_s_smart_phone_glasses_to_launch_this_year.html). It should be a great way to eliminate those road distractions while behind the wheel. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/33 "2012-09-16T15:13:29Z")
> [@velvetjones](#): > > Seconded. I’m glad you were not seriously hurt but sorry that you’re in pain now. I’d love to hear how this turns out. > > I am personally dedicated to not talking/texting and driving. I keep my phone, on vibrate so I can’t hear it and be tempted, in my purse. There is no call that can’t wait. I do the same with ringtones. I don’t answer the phone when I drive, but I do prioritize and, if the ringtone is assigned to someone I would need to speak to right then and there (e.g., the sprog’s school, or someone I’m meeting), I know I have to find a safe place to stop where I can take the call. Otherwise, they can talk to my voice mail and I’ll call them back when I can. That said, a co-worker of Airman’s was involved in a fatal accident where she struck a motorcyclist and killed him. She was, you guessed it, on the phone. In fact, unless she’s working, I’ve never seen her without her phone in her hand; she’s texting or talking. She managed to avoid criminal charges, but I don’t know if the victim’s family sued her or her insurance company. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/34 "2012-09-16T15:17:12Z")
Get your back checked out ASAP. if they don’t want to pay for your leathers and helmet, they’re going to anyway because you’re going to get the meanest junkyard dog lawyer you can find and garnish so much of this woman’s household income that she won’t have a car or cell phone for years. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/35 "2012-09-16T15:51:17Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > I’m glad you’re OK, flatlined. > > I was heading home from work, in bright sunshine, on my Honda 750 (not some invisible mo-ped) when a cow-orker in a SUV squeezed me off a two-lane side street onto an intersection’s triangular traffic island. The SOB _passed me on the right,_ his cell phone glued to his left ear. > > The idiot didn’t have a clue and sped up on the yield-sign curve to merge with traffic on the intersecting four-lane as I watched and hoped he’d hit a semi. > > No such luck. A _co-worker_? :eek: Come in early to work on Monday, and super-glue everything to his desk. ETA: Oh. It didn’t happen yesterday. You know what? Do it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/36 "2012-09-16T15:54:32Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > That said, a co-worker of Airman’s was involved in a fatal accident where she struck a motorcyclist and killed him. She was, you guessed it, on the phone. In fact, unless she’s working, I’ve never seen her without her phone in her hand; she’s texting or talking. She managed to avoid criminal charges, but I don’t know if the victim’s family sued her or her insurance company. Too stupid to learn her lesson, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Bilbo1967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bilbo1967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bilbo1967)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/37 "2012-09-16T16:02:20Z")
Is it not illegal to use a phone while driving? Here in the UK it’s a specific offence and is enforced pretty rigorously. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/38 "2012-09-16T16:15:15Z")
> [@Bilbo1967](#): > > Is it not illegal to use a phone while driving? Here in the UK it’s a specific offence and is enforced pretty rigorously. You must have missed the [many](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=663823) [multi-page](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=634865) [threads](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=629443) we’ve had debating whether it should be illegal. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/39 "2012-09-16T16:17:34Z")
> [@Bilbo1967](#): > > Is it not illegal to use a phone while driving? Here in the UK it’s a specific offence and is enforced pretty rigorously. I notice a good ten or so drivers a day on the phone- it ain’t that rigorous. Anyway, glad you’re not too squished **Flatlined**! ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/40 "2012-09-16T16:22:07Z")
> [@Bilbo1967](#): > > Is it not illegal to use a phone while driving? Here in the UK it’s a specific offence and is enforced pretty rigorously. Any sensible person wishes, fervently, that it were so. And then there are the people who scream that passing laws against it only increases the nanny state-ism our government is falling in to and besides, it infringes on their personal right to be a damn fool idiot and, possibly, a murderer, but they know it won’t happen to them because they’re just that fabulous and exceptional. And if I didn’t say it before, **flatlined** , I am very, very glad that you are so aware of your surroundings and that you weren’t too badly hurt because you were aware (defining too badly as “requiring an ambulance ride”). I still think you should sue the bint’s ass off. What does Bill say? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834.md?page=3)