# I'll bet you would drive better with that cell phone up your ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 16, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834 "2012-09-16T00:46:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/141 "2012-09-24T20:35:27Z")
> [@Student\_Driver](#): > > Driver passes by, ogles, then slams into the line of people patiently waiting at a stop light. While I was waiting for a car up ahead to turn left, a convertible Jag driven by a cute blond passed me on the right and I was hit from behind by a brand new Delta 88 that was trying to keep up with her. It was driven by a fellow named Jinks who had borrowed it from his dad after just getting his licence. ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/142 "2012-09-25T01:29:40Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > It was driven by a fellow named Jinks who had borrowed it from his dad after just getting his licence. Good name considering his luck… ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/143 "2012-09-25T01:49:12Z")
> [@Student\_Driver](#): > > I’ve twice seen accidents occur because of women in skimpy bathing suits advertising for charity car washes. The kind of thing where they stand out in the median holding posterboards and yelling at folks stopped in turn lanes. Driver passes by, ogles, then slams into the line of people patiently waiting at a stop light. I think the charities involved should try a dent removal fundraiser, and use those same techniques. [The Italians thought of that first (but for profit, not charity).](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5aMFFE5RYU&feature=player_detailpage#t=4231s) ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/144 "2012-09-25T02:48:54Z")
> [@Johanna](#): > > [The Italians thought of that first (but for profit, not charity).](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5aMFFE5RYU&feature=player_detailpage#t=4231s) Whaddya know, I’ve actually seen that movie. Completely forgot that scene… and here I thought I was being semi-original. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/145 "2012-09-25T04:45:01Z")
> [@Enkel](#): > > Flatlined - I love that the woman and her husband will be thinking about having to pay (through insurance / increased rates) for your lack of sex life. Be sure to get new photos of the Rainbow Bright version, especially since it scared the bejeebies out of your SO. I think that I can safely talk about my outrage about the pics here. Tony has been taking daily pics, but Tony being Tony…he uses duct tape to keep the towel properly closed. Oh, and half of my body is always clothed..AND we do this in the living room so the cats can watch. I finally met my pitbull yesterday. He’s a college friend of Bill’s. Pitbull said something about how the towel/duct tape pics were great…which is how I learned that Bill has been forwarding pics of me all naked except that I’m wearing towels and clothes and duct tape to a total stranger…words trail off… > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I got to see that just this summer, too - a guy walking in front of me was texting and just walked right into a pole - knocked the phone right out of his hand. I tried not to laugh at him too obviously. 😃 You are much nicer than me. When I saw it, I started cracking up and wished that I had been able to take pics. > [@Filbert](#): > > It wasn’t on the 25th of May was it? I’m totally missing this, and my googlefu is week tonight. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/146 "2012-09-25T05:59:17Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > It was driven by a fellow named Jinks… Was he High? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/147 "2012-09-25T10:22:12Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Was he High? No, he was trapped. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/148 "2012-09-25T11:27:39Z")
> [@Student\_Driver](#): > > Another person chiming in on the “sue her for so much that she can’t afford an SUV or phone” bandwagon. And another person disappointed that you can’t shoot people for being stupid. ☹ There go my plans. Based on Airman’s co-worker and the idiot driver, I wouldn’t mind seeing loss of a cell phone as a consequence of an accident while using one. > [@](#): > > My city has recently begun cramming bicycle lanes onto public roads without doing any work to widen the roads themselves. They’re just narrowing the car lanes, and the bike lanes haphazardly start and stop as medians, intersections, and turn lanes are encountered. Poor bike lane design combined with the increasingly bad driving I see from cell phone users (texts, push notifications, and social media apps all exacerbate the problem; now someone’s not just blabbing on a phone, but they’re routinely taking their eyes off the road to read or type) make me afraid that sometime I’m going to see a bicyclist taken out right in front of my eyes. Even a clipping that could be mild for a motorcyclist in riding leather could seriously injure or kill someone on a bicycle. Our town did this, too, only they didn’t narrow the lanes; a four-lane street became a two-lane street with a turn lane and a bike lane on each side. Interestingly, they didn’t make changes that would really have made a positive difference, such as left-turn arrows to keep drivers from waiting until the yellow light to turn left. We have the added bonus of being a college town. It’s a challenge to drive on a street with two or three unregulated crosswalks (i.e. those not at an intersection or that have a light) and students who are oblivious to the coming traffic because they’re texting or talking on their phones. The various powers-that-be have claimed that it’s prohibitively expensive to build a pedestrian tunnel or two under the street, but it sounds more like the town doesn’t want to alienate the college, and the college doesn’t want to alienate the parents who pay money to send their special snowflakes there. So no alternatives have been seriously proposed. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/149 "2012-09-25T16:34:02Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > \ > You are much nicer than me. When I saw it, I started cracking up and wished that I had been able to take pics.\ Well, I wish I had been able to take a picture of the guy I saw doing that, too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/150 "2012-09-26T07:09:50Z")
I’m a fairly new motorcycle rider, and sometimes commute on the freeway. I am absolutely paranoid about being anywhere near vehicles with people on cellphones, so before I pass anyone or approach their blind spot I stare very intently at what the driver is doing. And I’ve got to tell you, it’s got me tempted to stop riding on public roads. It’s seems like every few cars contains someone yapping on a cellphone or texting. A few days ago I rode past a woman who had her iPad pinned against her steering wheel with her hands and was watching some freaking video while driving. Sometimes you can spot them a long way off, because they’re weaving around in the lane, or crossing over into other lanes, or randomly slowing down and speeding up by 10 mph, driving everyone stuck behind them insane with rage. Yesterday I was driving my kid to school, and a car blew through a stop sign on a perpendicular road at full speed, and missed the car in front of me by inches. All I could think was, “if that happens to me on my bike, I’m dead. And there’s probably nothing I can do about it.” My province has instituted some increased distracted driving fines, but I suspect we won’t get it really under control until it’s made a criminal offense. And that might not be enforceable. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/151 "2012-09-26T12:13:04Z")
> [@Try to remember...(the month of September?) (Sept. minirants)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/try-to-remember-the-month-of-september-sept-minirants/633394/31): > > \ > > When Bill flew in for the weekend, we went shopping and bought him protective gear. By the time we got home, we were so tired that no wild monkey sex happened. > > \ > > Bill was really offended that we expected him to put on his kevlar riding outfit, helmet, boots and gloves to learn how to ride it, but he did it. > [@flatlined](#): > > Thank goodness that I was wearing protective gear, I’d probably be dead without it. Out of curiousity, **flatlined** , what’s Bill’s feeling about protective riding gear now? ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/152 "2012-09-26T14:10:36Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > Yesterday I was driving my kid to school, and a car blew through a stop sign on a perpendicular road at full speed, and missed the car in front of me by inches. All I could think was, “if that happens to me on my bike, I’m dead. And there’s probably nothing I can do about it.” That happened to me on my bike; I was two or three seconds from the intersection. It’s one of the reasons I quit riding it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/153 "2012-09-26T16:26:35Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > \ > My province has instituted some increased distracted driving fines, but I suspect we won’t get it really under control until it’s made a criminal offense. And that might not be enforceable. I have a bad feeling that the distracted driving laws won’t be taken seriously until a politician’s kid dies in a distracted driving collision. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/154 "2012-09-26T18:19:27Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > I’m totally missing this, and my googlefu is week tonight. International Towel Day- the tribute day for Douglas Adams- author of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Hitchhiking wearing only a towel sounded like the sort of really dumb thing someone would attempt to do to celebrate it. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/155 "2012-09-28T04:56:04Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > I’m a fairly new motorcycle rider, and sometimes commute on the freeway. I am absolutely paranoid about being anywhere near vehicles with people on cellphones. \ GOOD ON YOU!!! I’ve been riding for 17 years and this is the first time that I’ve ever hit the ground when it wasn’t my fault. When I started riding, I used to watch for drunks, now its the hand against the ear profile I look for. Drunks usually don’t drive in rush hour traffic, soccor moms do. > [@Morgyn](#): > > Out of curiousity, **flatlined** , what’s Bill’s feeling about protective riding gear now? After the third time Bill fell over, his helmet was scuffed enough that we didn’t feel it was safe and that it needed to be replaced before he rode again. Bill argued that it was only cosmetic damage, so one of my friends told Bill to try to scuff the other side of the helmet to match…just so Bill could see how much damage his head might have taken. Bill is now a total believer in protective gear. He’s also thinking that every run needs a “chase vehicle” (truck and trailor to pick up broken bikes and carry the beer). He has a truck and I have a bike trailor, so once again, its a match made in heaven. > [@Kenm](#): > > That happened to me on my bike; I was two or three seconds from the intersection. > > It’s one of the reasons I quit riding it. This morning, I got up fully planning to ride to work. Everything was great until it was time to throw my leg over the saddle and back my bike out of the barn. I couldn’t do it. My hands were shaking because I was so scared. When I got home, I was able to ride around the neighborhood and then get on the freeway and ride really fast. I don’t know if I was scared because I’d be riding in rush hour traffic, or because I’d be riding past that intersection. I’ll find out this weekend. > [@Filbert](#): > > International Towel Day- the tribute day for Douglas Adams- author of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. > > Hitchhiking wearing only a towel sounded like the sort of really dumb thing someone would attempt to do to celebrate it. Oh man! I’m all :smack::smack::smack: about this. I’m a big DA fan. My go-to word when asked a hard question is “42”. I wish I could remember the date. It was in the spring because I was riding. That’s mostly why I didn’t pull over to give him a ride, if I had been in my car, I totally would have picked him up so I could have asked him about it. I thought that a SO had come home early, your idea is so much better. It was very close to the community college. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/156 "2012-09-28T05:11:34Z")
A young guy got arrested here for driving 200 kph in traffic - his bike was seized, and they’re talking about criminal charges for him. Between cellphone drivers and drivers doing all the rest of the stupid, dangerous things they do, it’s starting to feel like a _logical_ response to be afraid to drive. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/157 "2012-09-28T05:18:18Z")
Hooks pinky finger with yours. BFF and all. A while back, I was riding in Phx. Doing 80 in the slow lane. Some idiot on a sports bike rode up next to me…no helmet or protective gear…grinned at me and then popped a wheely and screamed off. Idiots like them give the rest of us a bad name. I sure wish someone would invent teleporters. Then the only people on the road would be drivers who took it seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/158 "2012-09-28T19:06:48Z")
**flatlined** , I’m so glad you weren’t hurt too bad. I just want to say that I’m extreeeemely cautious on the road every time I see a motorcycle. One rainy night 28 years ago a motorcycle collided with my car—it was 100% his fault, but I felt absolutely horrible that it happened. I had just pulled away from a traffic light I’d stopped at, and was still going fairly slow because I was about to make a left exit onto a highway ramp. (May I just interject that left exits are a p.i.t.a. and ought never to be constructed if it can be helped?) Guy wasn’t paying any attention; it was a Friday night and perhaps he’d been drinking or drugging or something. I just saw the single headlight in my rear-view mirror coming up way too fast, felt the impact on my rear bumper—to me, it felt as light as a kiss—and saw the headlight topple over sideways. I pulled over and ran to a nearby bar to phone for an ambulance (no cell phones back in those days). The motorcyclist was not wearing a helmet: his head was bleeding into the rainy street where he lay as he moaned in pain only semi-conscious. ☹ A cop came and I explained what happened, and once I’d seen the guy loaded onto the ambulance, I went on my way. Ever since then, if I see a motorcycle on the road, I become hyperconscious of their every move and I do my best to put as much distance as possible between us. I’m still spooked after 28 years. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/159 "2012-09-28T20:00:18Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > \ > > I sure wish someone would invent teleporters. Then the only people on the road would be drivers who took it seriously. That would be _awesome._ ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2012, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834/160 "2012-09-29T03:34:33Z")
**Johanna** , I’m so sorry that happened to you. From what you described, it was his fault, but you are the one who is still living with it. If that guy who didn’t run me over had been a little slower on the brakes, his life would have been changed forever, through no fault of his own. Oddly enough…that outrages me almost as much as the idea that the stupid bint almost killed me. The guy who didn’t run me over told the police that he saw me moving onto the double yellow lines and was watching me because he thought I was going to do something boneheaded like try to make a left into one of the businesses. He was ready to hit his brakes because he was paying attention to his driving. He’s a great witness, btw. He saw everything and the horror he felt when he saw me fall in front of him and then didn’t see me because I was too close has probably branded the events into his memory forever. Things are moving pretty quickly now. My bike is at the Harley dealer. Usually, I’d take it to one of the local shops, but my pitbull said that I shouldn’t do that. I actually managed to find the person who did the custom paint on my bike. My pitbull seems to be really enjoying this, he sounds really happy when he calls me with a daily update. Pitbull doesn’t want any more naked but wearing clothes, towels and duct tape pics now that the bruises are fading. My beloved butthead does want more pics, but less duct tape. I’m disappointed, kinky is fun. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-bet-you-would-drive-better-with-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/634834.md?page=9)