# I'll do whatever you want. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 1, 2007, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139 "2007-03-01T08:52:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/21 "2007-03-01T16:46:04Z")
I am a single chap. I used to leave chores until things started to overflow :rolleyes: , but then a friend gave me sound advice: 'Women like a man who does his share around the house. You’re more likely to get a bl_wj_b (for example) if you fill, run and empty the dishwasher without being asked. 🆒 Now my house is spotless! ---
**Author:** ![FRDE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e68b1a/32.png) [@FRDE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FRDE)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/22 "2007-03-01T17:26:36Z")
@Glee, I agree, a dishwasher is essential. I like Bosch, but have a yen for a Miele. @Rilchiam Demonstrably I am not speechless, but as a fully paid up chauvinist I’m astonished that you let him treat you like that. If he is wound up about work, then formally debrief him when he gets home, and also have a grouse about what is bugging you. Personally as a matter of principle, I would tell him it is either you or the humidifier in the bedroom - females are very effective humidifiers and rather multi functional. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/23 "2007-03-01T17:31:49Z")
[QUOTE=DeVena] And in Casa DeVena it would have gone… “Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?” “I just did.” “Yeah, but why did you wait until I was going to bed to do it?” “Because you would have complained about running dry by morning if I didn’t. You’re lucky I filled it at all.” “But you could have done it earlier…” “Fine. Since I obviously lack the Y chromosone needed to do it properly, do it yourself next time. And pick up your socks!” [/QUOTE] Yeah, this is more or less how it would have gone in my house. 😃 I wouldn’t have thought of the Y chromosome bit, I’ll have to keep it in mind for next time. Mind if I steal it? ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/24 "2007-03-01T17:36:28Z")
**Rilchiam** , I respect that you and your husband have your own relationship and your own agreed-upon framework about “housespousing,” responsibilities, and communication. So this is not at all a criticism but just more of a chiming in: You can add me to the crew whose response to “But why did you do it NOW?” would have been “Don’t like how I do it? Do it yourself.” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/25 "2007-03-01T17:46:41Z")
[QUOTE=KSO] Wow. This is how it would go in my house: “Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?” “I just did.” “Yeah, but why did you wait until I was going to bed to do it?” “Go fuck yourself.” [/QUOTE] This is how it does go in my house, although I am on both sides of the conversation. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/26 "2007-03-01T19:31:19Z")
Get a job and hire a maid. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/27 "2007-03-01T19:41:24Z")
Fill the humidifier with laughing gas. That way he might be a cranky jerk but at least it will seem funny. Seriously though, I cant speak from personal experience, but definitely stand up for yourself! ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/28 "2007-03-01T19:50:00Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] Get a job and hire a maid. [/QUOTE] Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/29 "2007-03-01T19:50:26Z")
[QUOTE=chela] crack a joke, tell him he’s lucky you dont fill with it vinegar, spit in your palm and blow on it ask him" hydrated now honey?" [/QUOTE] Why crack a joke about it? I’ve always found a direct and simple statement about how I feel to be most effective. Making a joke and then expecting results from it strikes me as sort of unfair, because it puts the burden on the other person to “translate” it. “Honey, I know it wasn’t your intent, but sometimes your complaints about things not being done make me feel like you don’t appreciate all that I do.” Blunt honesty is underrated. Why be coy? Saying how you really feel saves time and prevents possible misunderstandings. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/30 "2007-03-01T19:51:23Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Yeah, this is more or less how it would have gone in my house. 😃 I wouldn’t have thought of the Y chromosome bit, I’ll have to keep it in mind for next time. Mind if I steal it? [/QUOTE] Feel free! You can use “testicles” instead of “Y Chromosome”, but be careful if you use it in public. You could get some funny looks. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/31 "2007-03-01T20:56:02Z")
**Rilchiam** , I don’t know what to say, but I doubt if it much matters, because you’re apparently paying no attention even to your own words. Your _defense_ of your husband is so damning that I have a hard time believing it wasn’t constructed especially for the purpose: he apologized and was civil…until he went downstairs. He exercises…while you shift boxes in the crawl space. His treatment of you at home is excusable because he’s under stress at work…which is why it makes sense for you to join him there too. He’s a fantastic housekeeper who would have done everything right…but he doesn’t, in fact, do anything at all. You didn’t want to be _the_ --emphasis mine-- nagging control freak…but apparently someone has to be? Working for him is good for you…because he thinks you can “better” yourself by doing so. As I said before, best wishes and good luck. But it seems as though either you’re demonstrating some kind of spousal Stockholm syndrome, or you’re putting us on. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/32 "2007-03-01T21:36:52Z")
I’m missing something here. Why is cleaning the house 100% your responsibility? Never mind. Now I see you are not working right now. Still sounds a little bit John and Elly to me, but if it’s an okay arrangement with you, that’s what matters. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/33 "2007-03-01T21:56:48Z")
[QUOTE=Aangelica] In my household, that conversation would have gone as follows: “Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?” “I just did.” “Yeah, but why did you wait until I was going to bed to do it?” /long, incredulous look “You’re kidding, right?” [/QUOTE] In my household: “Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?” “Dude, fuck your humidifier.” Which, like **KSO** , probably goes a long way towards explaining why I’m the only member of my household. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/34 "2007-03-01T22:17:34Z")
This OP made me really sad. I hope your husband stops being a jerk **Rilchiam** , 'cus he’s really being a jerk. My feelings would be totally hurt if my SO spoke to me that way. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/35 "2007-03-02T00:44:29Z")
**Jodi** and others: Please don’t get the idea that I caved to him. **Lissa** in particular, yes, we always communicate bluntly. The idea of playing passive games is just foreign to me. What upset me was simply the fact that he said this right before he went to bed, and then pulled the “I need my sleep” card so we couldn’t discuss it. Again, not something that happens regularly, or at all that I can remember at the moment. **King** : The job he’s doing right now is physical labor. The job I’ll be joining him on is artistic. Two totally different situations. I did not shift boxes **while** he was working out; I shifted them so that he **could**. And I did let him know (during the phone conversation) that he should remember who told me to put them in there. I never said anyone “had to” be the nagging control freak; I pointed out that it was necessary for **no one** to be. I’m not sure if you’re suggesting that he should do housework when he comes home, but rest assured that on the weekends, we do plenty of joint projects, like moving the beds to clean under them. And if you don’t believe that a guy who tells me he loves me every time he leaves the house or hangs up the phone, stayed by my side for 24 hours while I was catatonic after a seizure, always picked me up from work and often drove me, or arranged for someone else to collect me, when I didn’t have a car\*, normally thanks me for everything I do around the house, is going way out of his way to get me something really special that I really want for my birthday, says he loves to see me smile, and a zillion other things, loves and cares about me, then you just don’t. **alice** , to continue what I said to **KOS** , my feelings **were** hurt. I opened the thread hoping to get advice on how I could settle the matter when he got up in the morning. Unfortunately, right after my first reply to the thread, my cable company spazzed out, and I couldn’t get on SDMB at all! But please note that this is **not** an everyday occurence. \*and still don’t, which is the main reason why I’m not working now. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/36 "2007-03-02T03:32:16Z")
P.S. **KOS** , I didn’t say that problems at work **excused** the way he spoke to me. What was important to me was knowing that he doesn’t have a problem with the way I do housework, and does not lack appreciation of it. And he did say he was wrong for talking that way. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/37 "2007-03-02T13:02:39Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] Okay, he’s off to work now. Interesting morning. First of all, when he woke up, he apologized for being ally ( **Sean** , just so you know, these are Pittsburghisms, not Southernisms!) the night before. [/QUOTE] Yes, I know this is Pittsburgheese. I moved away from the 'burgh when I was 20, having lived there all my life until then. My parents, sister and brother still live there. My grandmother used “redd up” all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/38 "2007-03-02T13:13:03Z")
:smack: I misread your post. You said you were surrounded by Southernisms, not that you miss them! My bad! ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/39 "2007-03-02T13:23:43Z")
[QUOTE=Lissa] Why crack a joke about it? I’ve always found a direct and simple statement about how I feel to be most effective. Making a joke and then expecting results from it strikes me as sort of unfair, because it puts the burden on the other person to “translate” it. “Honey, I know it wasn’t your intent, but sometimes your complaints about things not being done make me feel like you don’t appreciate all that I do.” Blunt honesty is underrated. Why be coy? Saying how you really feel saves time and prevents possible misunderstandings. [/QUOTE] so true, blunt honesty cuts to the core of the matter quickly (even if it may escalate an already tense moment) but in my experience humour gets us over the lumps and bumps found daily in a relationship. In my relationship we have had that appreciation talk ad nauseum, much of it while planted in a marriage counselors office. We know how to behave towards each other when stressed or grumpy or feeling unappreciated but we dont always follow the program. So that’s where the humour comes in and it works for us, like I said before YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139/40 "2007-03-02T13:26:09Z")
Oh..he doesn’t mean it He’s under a lot of stress at work He’s getting help It’s my fault…I should know better than to… Oh clumsy old me just walked into the iron again :rolleyes: > [@Rilchiam](#): > > Oh, and I’ll be working for him soon. I’m learning to use the equipment, and as soon as there’s a need for me to do so, I’ll be on the payroll. (Long story; don’t ask.) Oh well, I certainly can’t imagine any problems there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-do-whatever-you-want/394139.md?page=3)