# "I'll pray for you." Management Says "Not On My Watch!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 3, 2023, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109 "2023-04-03T23:35:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2023, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/201 "2023-04-09T19:26:24Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I know both Jews and Christians who have literally mentioned the name of a sick person at their prayer service. Oh sure. Praying for someone is fine. I have never though heard a Jew go up to someone, let alone to someone whose religious beliefs or non-beliefs they do not know, and offer prayers on their behalf as a token of comfort. Or a Muslim or a Hindu. It seems to me to be Christian thing to do. As has been expressed in this thread many times, it implicitly accepts the recipient shares that majority belief. I won’t get offended, but since most who know me know my religious beliefs and nonbeliefs, I would not be minimally eye rolling and likely thinking the person was either intending to offend (without success) or stupid or both. Don’t offer a religious sign of support unless you are sure the recipient shares your belief. Don’t waste energy getting offended if someone does. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2023, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/202 "2023-04-09T19:32:25Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > I have never though heard a Jew go up to someone, let alone to someone whose religious beliefs or non-beliefs they do not know, and offer prayers on their behalf as a token of comfort. > > Or a Muslim or a Hindu. Fair enough. That’s not a normal thing for Jews to do. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2023, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/203 "2023-04-09T20:02:17Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > This time, he sent out the email, told people to clean out leftovers from the office refrigerators for the long weekend, and finished with… > > > [@](#): > > > > As the priest wrote on the sign outside church > > > > To the Christians, I wish you a good Easter. > > To the Jews, I wish you a good Passover. > > And to the atheists, I wish you good luck > > Obnoxious? I think so. It’s exactly the sort of “microagression” that the non religious have to endure with polite acceptance. Also obnoxious to any theist who isn’t a Christian or a Jew. Other variations exist! > [@DSeid](#): > > I won’t get offended, but since most who know me know my religious beliefs and nonbeliefs, I would not be minimally eye rolling and likely thinking the person was either intending to offend (without success) or stupid or both. > > Don’t offer a religious sign of support unless you are sure the recipient shares your belief. Don’t waste energy getting offended if someone does. How are you defining “offended”? Does the word to you require a deliberate decision to spend significant energy getting oneself worked up? Does it require making a public noise on the subject? Does it require confronting the offender? Because I would certainly include your mental eye roll, especially with the thought included that the person might well be intending to offend. The fact that you then consciously decide not to give them the satisfaction of making any visible reaction has nothing to do, by my meaning, with whether you felt offended. Neither does your not bothering to spend time over the rest of the week or year or whatever going over and over the incident in your mind. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2023, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/204 "2023-04-09T20:15:01Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Because I would certainly include your mental eye roll, especially with the thought included that the person might well be intending to offend. The fact that you then consciously decide not to give them the satisfaction of making any visible reaction has nothing to do, by my meaning, with whether you felt offended. A reasonable point, although the internal eye roll is more laughing at them … ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/205 "2023-04-10T12:36:04Z")
“Have a godless day!” ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/206 "2023-04-10T12:53:02Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > And to the atheists, I wish you good luck > > Obnoxious? I think so. It’s exactly the sort of “microagression” There’s nothing micro about that aggression. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/207 "2023-04-10T15:19:11Z")
Lot of hyperbole here. If someone says to me after I share bad, difficult news, “you are in my thoughts and prayers”. I take it as they care about me and my situation…nothing more…they are not proselytizing me. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/208 "2023-04-10T15:22:53Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > If someone says to me after I share bad, difficult news, “you are in my thoughts and prayers”. I take it as they care about me and my situation…nothing more…they are not proselytizing me No. They’re assuming that they don’t need to proselytize you, because they’re assuming that you already share their beliefs. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/209 "2023-04-10T17:38:07Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > They’re assuming that they don’t need to proselytize you, because they’re assuming that you already share their beliefs. I disagree. A sentiment like “I’ll be praying for you” _can_ be expressed in such a way as to assume that you share their beliefs. And it can also be expressed in a way that is superior, confrontational, or hostile toward those who don’t share them. But it can also express, simply, “This is what **I** do with things that I care about,” with no assumption about what it means to the other person beyond that it expresses that the pray-er does care. It still may be insensitive, though, through failing to understand or take into account how it may be perceived by a nonbeliever. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/210 "2023-04-10T17:48:04Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > But it can also express, simply, “This is what **I** do with things that I care about,” with no assumption about what it means to the other person Why is it then supposed to be comforting? I find it comforting to curl up with a cat. I wouldn’t say to somebody grieving, especially someone who for all I knew was uncomfortable around cats, “I’ll curl up with a cat for you” (though if there were an obliging cat handy I might well hand one to a grieving friend who I knew loved cats.) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/211 "2023-04-10T18:01:54Z")
The part you’re missing is that the person doing the praying genuinely believes that their prayer has a chance of helping the person being prayed for, whether that person believes it or not. It’s less like “I’ll curl up with a cat for you” and more like “I’ll speak to the mayor about your situation.” ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/212 "2023-04-10T18:04:33Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > It’s less like “I’ll curl up with a cat for you” and more like “I’ll speak to the mayor about your situation.” And what do you expect the mayor to do about my mom’s cancer? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/213 "2023-04-10T18:09:44Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > I find it comforting to curl up with a cat. When my cat died, a friend said he would give his cat an extra cuddle for me. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/214 "2023-04-10T18:12:19Z")
Now thats a comforting statement. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/215 "2023-04-10T18:17:34Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > The part you’re missing is that the person doing the praying genuinely believes that their prayer has a chance of helping the person being prayed for, whether that person believes it or not. > > It’s less like “I’ll curl up with a cat for you” and more like “I’ll speak to the mayor about your situation No, I’m not missing that part. I know that people who say that actually think it’ll help. But what they’re missing is that I don’t think it’s any help. They’re assuming that I also think it helpful. It’s more like somebody saying "I’ll speak to the mayor about your situation” when they don’t know, and should know that they don’t know, whether I live anywhere that has the same mayor, or anywhere that has a mayor at all. – I’ve had somebody who does understand the issue say something like ‘I know you’re not religious’ (or ‘I don’t know if you’re religious’) but is it OK with you if I pray for you?’ That’s not IMO a problem. They’re seeing me, not some generic person who they assume agrees with them. It’s also not annoying, uncomfortable, or offensive for someone to quietly pray for me in private and not tell me about it; if it comforts them, go ahead. It’s assuming that I find prayer comforting that’s the problem. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > > I find it comforting to curl up with a cat. > > When my cat died, a friend said he would give his cat an extra cuddle for me. Now that I, personally, would find comforting. As your friend knew you would find it. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/216 "2023-04-10T18:22:16Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > They’re assuming that I also think it helpful. I just don’t think they are assuming that—at least, not always or not necessarily. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/217 "2023-04-10T18:30:34Z")
Why would somebody say it who’s not assuming it? That is, somebody who’s not assuming it may say something like I mentioned above, along the lines of ‘I don’t know if you’re a believer but I am and I’ll pray for you’. But just saying it without any such qualification really does seem to me to assume that the person you’re saying it to also thinks that it works. Again, consider their likely reaction if they get the reply ‘thanks, but I don’t think that’ll help.’ It’s not all that likely to be the same as a reaction to ‘thanks, but I’m allergic to x in that casserole you’re offering me’. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/218 "2023-04-10T18:35:42Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Again, consider their likely reaction if they get the reply ‘thanks, but I don’t think that’ll help.’ I’m imagining a reaction like “Okay, fair enough: **you** don’t think it will help, but **I** do, and I’m the one who’ll be doing it.” ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/219 "2023-04-10T19:22:39Z")
Which IMHO is a rather inconsiderate line to take in a conversational exchange that is supposed to be about offering comfort and support to the person in trouble. Christians need only ask themselves how they would feel about a devout Hindu, say, telling them “I’ll make a puja to Lord Vishnu for you and He will send you comfort.” Uh, thanks for the thought but I don’t agree with your premise? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2023, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/220 "2023-04-10T19:29:23Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Christians need only ask themselves how they would feel about a devout Hindu, say, telling them “I’ll make a puja to Lord Vishnu for you and He will send you comfort.” I see nothing wrong with that (with the caveat that I don’t know enough about Hinduism to know exactly what that means). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109.md?page=12)