# "I'll pray for you." Management Says "Not On My Watch!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 3, 2023, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109 "2023-04-03T23:35:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/41 "2023-04-04T14:17:14Z")
“Great, but could you do something useful?” is what I would say. No need to talk to HR. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/42 "2023-04-04T14:26:05Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > I’ll address the OP by asking how “May the Flying Spaghetti Monster grant you peace during this difficult time” would be received. > [@Horatius](#): > > How would Christians feel about someone saying, “I’ll sacrifice to Baal for you” in such a situation? Does anybody ever say such things sincerely, with a genuine belief that they’re being helpful and caring? Sometimes, “I’ll pray for you” (which, I’ll note, is not necessarily specifically Christian) means “I genuinely care about you and what you’re going through, and I will do what I can to help.” Some people genuinely believe that their prayers are helpful, and I think atheists sometimes forget this. Remembering that not everyone believes the same as you goes both ways. However, sometimes, “I’ll pray for you” is smug, or superior, or insincere, or trite and dismissive, or “weaponized,” or other things that are perfectly reasonable to object to. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/43 "2023-04-04T14:27:22Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > My Christian grandmother once told me: “polite Christians don’t announce that they’re going to pray for someone. They do that at church or in the privacy of their own homes”. I’ve had a polite Christian say they’d pray for a sick family member. I took it as an expression of care and concern. As I said above, I think “I’ll pray for you” would be welcome from pretty much the same set of people from whom “would you like a hug” would be welcome. Which suggests that HR might want to discourage it. Not outlaw it, but make sure that people know it ought to be consensual. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/44 "2023-04-04T14:30:26Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Does anybody ever say such things sincerely, with a genuine belief that they’re being helpful and caring? Not those two examples, no, but what about people of sincere faith in other religions, like Islam or Hinduism? How many of them feel safe offering honest prayers like this? How many keep quiet out of concern over people’s reactions? “Happy holidays” was mentioned above. We have plenty of examples of Christians reacting poorly to even the reminder that other faiths exist in our society. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/45 "2023-04-04T14:30:51Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Does anybody ever say such things sincerely, with a genuine belief that they’re being helpful and caring? Fair question. I’ll put it another way: what if I were a practicing Muslim and habitually used the expression, _**[“Inshallah,”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inshallah)**_ in these same business-cum-social situations? ETA: Ninja’d ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/46 "2023-04-04T15:51:40Z")
> [@Omniscient](#): > > The trendy new term I keep seeing bandied around is JEDI. Justice, Inclusion, Diversity and Equity. So, you know, there’s that. Jesus. I like my job, but it frequently feels like I’m shoveling bullshit. > [@Smapti](#): > > I see it as about the equivalent of saying “I’ll cast a magic spell for you”. Same. > [@Kimstu](#): > > Telling a distressed person “I’ll pray for you”, like telling a bereaved person that their deceased loved one is “in a better place now”, is an extremely kind and comforting thing to say to somebody who already shares your spiritual beliefs, and potentially a really shitty and insensitive thing to say to somebody who doesn’t. That’s not how I took it when someone said that to me after my father died. But obviously there are people who will take it that way. > [@TriPolar](#): > > A business should avoid representations that can be mistaken for a religious preference unless that have one as a matter of policy. So a statement from a higher up or HR can easily be mistaken for policy. And that’s fair. We’re supposed to represent the company, and the company might not want to give the impression that it’s got a particular religious affiliation. > [@RitterSport](#): > > I don’t have a working or personal relationship with my HR rep (in fact, I don’t even know who my HR rep is right now), and it would seem inappropriate for them to say that to me if I went to them with some problem. Not having a working or personal relationship with your HR rep means you’re not a problem. Aside from managers, most employees don’t have much of a relationship with us unless they have questions about their benefits or leave. > [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Religious coworkers can continue to be religious, and need not hide the fact that they are religious from others. What they are instructed to do here is to avoid bringing their coworkers into their personal religious rituals. Just out of curiosity, would you sanction an employee for telling another employee they’d pray for them? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/47 "2023-04-04T16:29:53Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > Some people are religious and at times they’re going to express that. To some degree, shouldn’t we accept that? Just so we accept my reply of, “sure, or you could do something real”. I do not share my atheism at work unless someone else shares their religiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/48 "2023-04-04T16:48:11Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Just so we accept my reply of, “sure, or you could do something real”. I do not share my atheism at work unless someone else shares their religiosity. I’m an atheist too and I’ve go to ask, what would be the point of this reply? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/49 "2023-04-04T16:51:07Z")
No point and it’s not a reply I’d proffer. I just think the reply (should it be made) should be acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/50 "2023-04-04T16:53:39Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > I dislike it because it’s a passive aggressive way to co-opt my agreement that praying is a legitimate, useful action to take in difficult situations. As a non-believer, nothing could be further from my reality. > > I can’t say I’m offended, though. It’s not the most offensive thing I’m likely to encounter regularly. My typical response these days is to simply offer a big smile and say, “Knock yourself out!” Or “Thank you. I’d like nothing better.” ---
**Author:** ![eburacum45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eburacum45/32/8690_2.png) [@eburacum45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eburacum45)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/51 "2023-04-04T16:59:28Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > “Thank you. I’d like nothing better.” ISWYDT. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/52 "2023-04-04T17:09:39Z")
That’s the beauty of it. I suspect that few of the people who tell me that would “SW[I]DT”. Which suits me fine. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/53 "2023-04-04T17:20:33Z")
I’m not offended by people saying they’ll pray for me when I’m facing difficult times - 99% of the time, it’s a sincere expression of compassion, and I can appreciate it for it’s intent. But it’s sort of annoying that there’s no similar way to casually assert my atheism that doesn’t come off as being a jerk. “I heard your mom has cancer. Her existence had no purpose or meaning beyond that which you personally assign it,” doesn’t come off very well. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/54 "2023-04-04T17:47:40Z")
😁 Yeah, needs work. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/55 "2023-04-04T17:49:05Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > Just out of curiosity, would you sanction an employee for telling another employee they’d pray for them? If it runs counter to employee training as presented by HR, and if a coworker complains about the conversation, one would have to at least remind the person that this type of religious discussion is discouraged in the workplace. It isn’t the sort of thing that would be oft repeated, unless we have a person who desperately wants to inject God into secular conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/56 "2023-04-04T18:00:01Z")
“What would be the point” of anybody expressing their religiosity, either? Why are you pushing so hard for people just to tolerate expressions of conventional religiosity, but refrain from equally sincere expressions of non-religiosity? This is the sort of questioning of assumptions that DEI initiatives are intended to facilitate. I get how promotion of DEI/JEDI/etc. often feels like mere performative “bullshit”, but that’s part of the process of societal change. I can remember when pioneering policies about using more gender-inclusive language like “he or she” were met with exactly this sort of exasperated grumbling about petty pointless oversensitivity yadda yadda yadda. Now, though, we take gender-inclusive language for granted, and any supposedly “gender-neutral” statement that used masculine pronouns to refer to both/all sexes would read as gratuitously sexist and just weirdly archaic. The same thing seems to be happening with the practice of treating Christianity-derived conventional phrases like “I’ll pray for you” as “religion-neutral” expressions of sympathy. Conservatives now grumble that people who object to it are just making a big oversensitive fuss about nothing, just like they used to grumble about being expected to say “he or she” instead of “he”. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/57 "2023-04-04T18:07:23Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > “What would be the point” of anybody expressing their religiosity, either? Why are you pushing so hard for people just to tolerate expressions of conventional religiosity, but refrain from equally sincere expressions of non-religiosity? Starting a thread about the subject is pushing hard? Okay. > [@Kimstu](#): > > This is the sort of questioning of assumptions that DEI initiatives are intended to facilitate. I get how promotion of DEI/JEDI/etc. often feels like mere performative “bullshit”, but that’s part of the process of societal change. The bullshit part I was referring to was adding a J to DEI. A lot of HR has a habit of changing names for reasons which sometimes escapes me. For example, a few years ago all of our recruiters suddenly became talent acuisition specialist. They do the exact same thing they did a few years ago, but being called TAPs makes them happier I guess. I’m actually pretty supportive of DEI in general and don’t consider it bullshit. But it doesn’t follow that I agree with every little thing. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/58 "2023-04-04T18:10:45Z")
I think the “J” was mainly added to have the acronym spell Jedi, probably a Star Wars fan. I know what you’re talking about, but I think geeking out is the answer to this one. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/59 "2023-04-04T18:57:27Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > 99% of the time, it’s a sincere expression of compassion, and I can appreciate it for it’s intent. But it’s sort of annoying that there’s no similar way to casually assert my atheism that doesn’t come off as being a jerk. > [@Kimstu](#): > > “What would be the point” of anybody expressing their religiosity, either? Is something like “I’ll pray for you” an expression of religiosity, or is it an expression of compassion and concern in a way that is natural for a religious person? If it’s the latter, there are plenty of similar ways to express compassion and concern from a non-religious perspective, like “I’ll be thinking of you” or “I’m wishing you the best.” If it’s the former—and I wouldn’t assume that it is unless I had a reason to—then yeah, it’s pointless and jerkish to express religiosity _or_ atheism in a context like responding to bad news. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109/60 "2023-04-04T19:00:20Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Is something like “I’ll pray for you” an expression of religiosity, or is it an expression of compassion and concern in a way that is natural for a religious person? Do any religious people other than Christians say “I’ll pray for you”? Sincerely asking. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-pray-for-you-management-says-not-on-my-watch/982109.md?page=4)