# I'll take Self-Delusion for 400, Alex. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 2, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936 "2010-03-02T00:13:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/21 "2010-03-02T20:17:02Z")
Our brains even do it for us, without us even realizing. What we think of as “reality” is a whole lot more plastic than we ever realize. I had this graphically demonstrated one day; I was idly gazing at a van next to us on the street, and I thought it had a funny business name on the side. As my attention focused, I realized I was mis-reading the name - as I watched, the letters reformed in front of my eyes. Perception is reality. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/22 "2010-03-02T20:56:42Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > That reminds me of a story that a friend from another message board related. > > She was in group therapy, and one woman in the group always brought in a pair of pink ballet slippers. You see, her childhood dream was to become a ballerina, but her horrible horrible mother crushed that dream. Apparently this woman was about 6 feet tall, very big boned, and a complete klutz. And her slippers showed no scuff marks or any other signs of use. But the reason she never danced was because of her horrible mother. I am fairly sure, if said woman also drew tons of ballet-related artwork and was vaguely frightened about anything that had to do with the world outside her room, that I dated her in college for about three weeks. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/23 "2010-03-02T23:06:01Z")
When anyone asks why my ex and I split up\* I say, ‘there’s her story and my story’. I know what her story is. I don’t think she really understands my story. At least, when she has said she made mistakes that led to our break-up, those aren’t the mistakes I would point to. I’ve told her all my reasons numerous times, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. - None of my friends, family members or co-workers has ever asked why. Only people who don’t know her ask. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/24 "2010-03-02T23:36:07Z")
> [@Oni no Maggie](#): > > The amusing part is that I’d talked with B recently also. She had told me that the issue was that A had ongoing problems with getting/keeping a job, and the ones he got tended to be short-term temp jobs telemarketing, etc (he’s in his late thirties). Because of this, she has been having to cover all the rent/bills, which had put her in serious debt. Oh, and he never actually looked for a job, he just played video games and smoked pot all day when the temp agency hadn’t called him with work. well yeah, but other than that, was there anything wrong? Jeez, people can be so picky. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/25 "2010-03-03T00:14:49Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > I am fairly sure, if said woman also drew tons of ballet-related artwork and was vaguely frightened about anything that had to do with the world outside her room, that I dated her in college for about three weeks. Whoever she is, she sounds fascinating and slightly creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/26 "2010-03-03T05:03:16Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Whoever she is, she sounds fascinating and slightly creepy. There’s this certain subset of people who latch onto some dream that just doesn’t make any sense at all for them for some reason that’s not something they can fix–the 6’0", bulky girl who wants to be a ballerina, the pencilneck guy who can’t ever gain weight no matter what he eats who wants to be a football lineman, the person with the voice of Gilbert Godfrey who doesn’t realize that there’s only room in Hollywood for less than one Gilbert Godfrey and the real one already is barely wedged in there, etc. It’s always amazing to watch these folks in action. The ballet-chick wannabe I dated also: - Had severe congenital joint problems, so she was physically incapable (so she claimed) of standing on her toes without really bad ankle pain–but was sure she could learn to dance on pointe anyway. - Was majoring in unspecified/undecided fine arts, later changed to art history as she could not find a single art media she could pass a jury for. - Was forever harping (according to a mutual friend) about how she wanted a boyfriend because she hadn’t had sex since high school and she would just pounce on the first man who showed an interest–meanwhile, it was like pulling teeth to get her to agree to go on a date at all, and we had exactly one chaste kiss on date three. All the while, she was STILL telling the mutual friend how much she wanted a man, but would yell at me for trying to kiss her when we were on a date–holding hands was quite enough for her. Yeah, some people just never figure out that they do in fact have to take at least some small steps towards their goals in order to get to them. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/27 "2010-03-03T06:21:50Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > \ > > Yeah, some people just never figure out that they do in fact have to take at least some small steps towards their goals in order to get to them. Ain’t that the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/28 "2010-03-03T07:30:38Z")
All my girlfriends broke up with me for the same reason. My dick is too big. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/29 "2010-03-03T08:11:26Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > She was in group therapy, and one woman in the group always brought in a pair of pink ballet slippers. You see, her childhood dream was to become a ballerina, but her horrible horrible mother crushed that dream. Apparently this woman was about 6 feet tall, very big boned, and a complete klutz. And her slippers showed no scuff marks or any other signs of use. But the reason she never danced was because of her horrible mother. One of my classmates in college _was_ a 6’+ ballet dancer. She had been a teeny weeny little girl, back when her mother signed her up for ballet to see if that could help fix her laterality problems (it did, to a point). Of course, after she’d grown up that much she couldn’t take part in any numbers which involved being lifted up, but she still knew how to do it (if she’d had a 7’+ carrier, that is); she worked in a group which did folk dances and modern dance, and got to dance in Barcelona’s Liceo doing folk dances in an opera when we were in the 4th year. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/30 "2010-03-03T10:28:22Z")
My ex had a fit of this craziness after I broke up with him. In his eyes, we were happy and perfect together until I transformed overnight from the personification of awesome-girlfriendness to a cold, uncommunicative bitch from hell. That he never fulfilled his promises to manage his finances responsibly, manage his time sensibly, get a handle on his ADD, equally divide our household chores, equally divide our household expenses, enroll in school, or save up money to buy a used car didn’t seem to be relevant. You see, despite three years in a LDR, frequently sending him care packages with food because he was too broke to eat, flying alone to a different state full of strangers to meet him because he was too broke to come see me, inviting him to live with me to start his life over and be together, and then two years of paying all the rent and bills, paying for any vacations or fun dates anywhere, paying for his clothes and health care, managing all our day-to-day responsibilities, and maintaining my awesomeness while he sat and played video games and smoked all day, it was obvious I never loved him. Current bf often thanks him for setting the bar so low. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/31 "2010-03-03T15:19:23Z")
But I bet he still wanted to be friends. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/32 "2010-03-03T16:35:38Z")
Some women are SO PICKY! :rolleyes: I wonder how these boy-men get stuck in Nowheresville, it’s like they just don’t know how to grow up. Is it their mamas, catering to their every need all their lives (because, hey, they have Sons!)? It seems more common in men. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/33 "2010-03-03T16:53:34Z")
Maybe it’s just an evolutionary dead-end - there’s something wrong with these guys that makes them never grow up, so part of their mutation repels the opposite sex. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/34 "2010-03-03T17:01:54Z")
I had something similar happen to me, except it was my girlfriend (at the time.) The best part is when she lied to our friends and told them she was supporting me. She did pay when we went out, but that would be because I was paying for the rent, utilities, phone, internet, etc. No wonder I didn’t have any money. And yes, that is one of the reasons we broke up. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/35 "2010-03-03T17:15:14Z")
My ex-roommate developed a pilot for a show that involved her being the host. She pitched it to various networks and it was picked up with the caviat that she would NOT be the host - they would get someone else. She was outraged that they wouldn’t have her as the host. She’s a 5’ tall, chubby, average looking girl with a squeeky voice. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that there’s ‘pretty’ and then there ‘TV pretty’. She ain’t TV pretty. (I mean, neither am I, but I don’t go around trying to host network television shows). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/36 "2010-03-03T18:14:20Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I wonder how these boy-men get stuck in Nowheresville, it’s like they just don’t know how to grow up. Is it their mamas, catering to their every need all their lives (because, hey, they have Sons!)? It seems more common in men. I think it’s just more noticeable in men, in mainstream American culture, at least. A woman who stays home and is fully supported by her partner’s income is a housewife, a man who does so is a bum. Of course, the stereotype of men who stay home smoking pot and playing games/looking at porn/doing nothing around the house doesn’t seem to have a female equivalent. Unless it’s the stereotype of the shopaholic wife, but even that’s not quite the same. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/37 "2010-03-03T18:59:01Z")
The real story is she was holding HIM back. Stifling his creativity and unfenging his shui and distracting him with unimportant stuff like rent and food. She should be ashamed of herself. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/38 "2010-03-03T19:02:19Z")
“Unfenging his shui” - that bitch! 😃 (I like that phrase - I think I may have to borrow it - “Sorry, baby, don’t mean to unfeng your shui, but we have to get going if we’re going to make it to the movie on time.”) ---
**Author:** ![maladroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@maladroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maladroit)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/39 "2010-03-03T19:08:21Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Since your title mentions Alex and self-delusion I will assume a Jeopardy! reference won’t be off-topic, in spite of the flow of the thread so far. > > On the recent college championship, one of the contestants mentioned his major was in Communications and that he intended to go into broadcasting. We had to put the captions on to get a clue as to what he was saying, his speech impediments were so bad. Intelligent kid who was a whiz-bang with the tough Jeopardy! things, but in the wrong frame of mind for selecting a career. Most broadcast jobs are off camera, but still, I see the humor. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936/40 "2010-03-03T19:11:38Z")
Really, I seem to know a LOT of families with late-20’s early 30’s sons living at home. They work low-level jobs, delivering pizza, bussing tables, and everyone seems perfectly content with the situation. They WANT to have girlfriends, and of course they do hook up, but they have no ambition, no plans for the future, and who can blame the girls for moving on? Who wants to live in her mother-in-law’s basement? These men just aren’t suitable for a long-term relationship, and it’s really just sad. You want to grab them and shake them and give them a makeover - send them to community college - Something!!! There is a female equivalent of women who never leave home. They’re either single mothers who can’t make it on their own and the parents raise their ‘second set’ of kids. Or they’re those poor, fat, sloppy girls - old maids - who live with their parents forever and everyone seems content with it. Equally sad. I think it’s the parents who enable their big babies to never leave the nest. If these people have a hard time getting boyfriends or girlfriends, they have no call to complain, they have to take a good hard look at themselves and resolve to try to improve their lives. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ill-take-self-delusion-for-400-alex/530936.md?page=3)