# I'm 44 and scared of monsters under the bed **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 15, 2014, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137 "2014-07-15T06:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/41 "2014-07-16T04:33:01Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Now that’s silly. Closet doors work like airlocks. If your door is open, the monster can’t open the door on it’s side. I have my closet rigged with C4 and sleep gripping a dead-mans’ switch. If they get me I’m taking them down with me. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2014, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/42 "2014-07-16T17:41:57Z")
It’s funny, I don’t believe in anything supernatural, and thus I have no fear of things grabbing me from under the bed or having the closet door open. But you couldn’t pay me $500 to go into a dark bathroom and say “bloody mary” or “candyman” 3 times. My heart starts to race at just the thought of it. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/43 "2014-07-16T17:48:21Z")
I love this short horror story: I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy, there’s somebody on my bed.” > **[20 Terrifying Two-Sentence Horror Stories. I Didn't Think It Was Possible...](https://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog.php?blogid=153%2F20-Terrifying-Two-Sentence-Horror-Stories-I-Didn-t-Think-It-Was-Possible-Until-5-When-The-Hair-On-My-Neck-Stood-Up)** > > Someone on reddit asked the question, 'What is the best horror story you can come up with in two sentences?' I honestly didn't think it was possible to give me chills from such a limited amount of words. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/44 "2014-07-16T18:26:01Z")
> [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](#): > > I’m literally scared something will come up and grab it…in its hot, sticky, sharp, yellow teeth. Silly, the teeth are not yellow. Constantly gnawing on bones keeps them pearly white. By the way, while looking in through your bedroom window I noticed his supply is running low… …sleep tight! ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2014, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/45 "2014-07-16T18:29:44Z")
A lot of posts about closet doors here. They don’t bother me. In fact mine is near the foot of my bed and almost permanently open (I suppose I might close it on special occasions). That’s part of my bedroom and therefore it’s guaranteed safe. Nothing has ever lived under my bed, either. What is weird, to me, is sleeping with the bedroom door open. When I first saw Paranormal Activity, I wondered why the hell the two characters would sleep with a wide open door right by their bed. It was creepy and weird. I’ve been having some trouble sleeping recently due to the heat. The other night I was “sleeping” badly and eventually got up to get some water. Since my flatmate wasn’t there that night, I thought I might leave my door open for increased airflow. I opened it for about a second, then realized what a terrible idea that was and closed it immediately. I wonder what this means about me. I have a few theories. ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2014, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/46 "2014-07-16T23:51:32Z")
Hmm. I had my bedroom door taken off because my apartment building isn’t level and the door was always swinging half open and was in the way. I live alone so what do I need a bedroom door for? But the closet door is a different kettle of fish altogther. It needs not only to be closed but latched. Otherwise, my cat will open it in the night and let the closet monster out. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/47 "2014-07-17T00:00:09Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Anyone recall the Far Side monster snorkel? Ha ha! [The Monster Snorkel.](http://imgur.com/gallery/Ty94zdK) ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/48 "2014-07-17T01:06:20Z")
Haven’t been able to sleep with the closet door open since I read the [Blackwater series](http://www.amazon.com/Blackwater-I-Flood-Michael-McDowell-ebook/dp/B00KL1KEWC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1405559032) in my teens. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/49 "2014-07-17T11:50:56Z")
> [@madrabbitwoman](#): > > I have to have some sort of covering on me when I sleep no matter how hot it is. Monsters cannot get you through covers. Remember that the cover HAS to be over both your shoulders. Any other bit of you can be exposed, but the shoulders have to be covered. Every night it freaks me out a little bit that my five-year-old likes to sleep with the covers down around her waist. I also can’t sleep with an arm hanging over the edge of my bed, but that’s because I used to live in Africa, where there could very well be a snake under there at some point. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/50 "2014-07-17T17:20:14Z")
There is more to be wary of under your bed than just monsters. [“Poltergeist under couple’s bed turns out to be a woman on a ‘meth rampage’”](http://metro.co.uk/2014/07/16/poltergeist-under-couples-bed-turns-out-to-be-a-woman-on-a-meth-rampage-4800552/) ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/51 "2014-07-18T16:39:16Z")
Use your [flame thrower](http://imgace.com/pic/2012/11/they-lie-i-lie/) ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/52 "2014-07-18T17:22:59Z")
> [@3trew](#): > > Totally legit fear… Of course, it’s possible you don’t even have a cat, in which case you are just being weird. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2014, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/53 "2014-07-27T20:57:46Z")
Kim Carnes’ [Crazy in the Night](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVhJwrWJNm0) is just what you need to sooth those jangled nerves… ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/54 "2014-07-27T21:14:51Z")
> [@boozilu](#): > > I once read an essay by Stephen King saying he never hung an arm or leg over the side of the bed for just that reason. King says that he knows full well that there are no monsters under the bed. And, as long as he keeps his arms and legs from hanging over the side, the monsters won’t be able to get him. ---
**Author:** ![Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2014, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/55 "2014-07-27T22:49:51Z")
I used to let my arms and legs hang over the bed without worry. Until that one fateful night. That night I was sleeping soundly, comfortably sprawled face-down across the bed with one of my arms hanging down. I woke to feel…something… licking my hand and then… _AND THEN_… it started sucking on one of my fingers. I woke like this: :eek: …and then realized, oh, yeah, cat. No worries. Still, I did pull my arm up and roll over… only to see all three cats on the other side of the bed watching me. :eek: I spent the rest of that night curled up in the very center of the bed with all covers over me and just my nose peeped out for fresh air. I checked the whole bedroom in the morning light. (I certainly wasn’t going to get out of bed in the dark and put a foot on the floor and the light switch was out of reach) Nothing. No sign of anything having been there that shouldn’t have been. I’m sure it was just one of those wake-sleep timing things where you think you’ve woken up fast but you really haven’t. Probably many minutes passed between my initial wake-up and awareness of the licking and then me actually waking enough to roll over and see the cats, giving the cat-culprit time to hop up onto the bed and act innocent. Still… I’ve never let anything hang over the bed since that night. Just… because. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2014, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/56 "2014-07-27T22:55:27Z")
This just gets worse and worse. [Snopes.com](http://Snopes.com) is usually good about making people feel better about superstitions, folklore and urban legends but that is not the case with worrying about bad things hiding under your bed. [People have found dead bodies under or even inside their hotel beds with alarming regularity. In some cases, multiple people have checked in and checked out of the room before the corpse was found.](http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/bodybed.asp) What are you supposed to do in this case? Is it better to look under the bed when you check into a hotel room and hope you come up empty or sleep tight believing that ignorance is bliss? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/57 "2014-07-27T23:10:19Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Anyone recall the Far Side monster snorkel? Ha ha! [Oh, yes!](http://i.imgur.com/Ty94zdK.jpg?1) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2014, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/58 "2014-07-28T17:42:07Z")
I have no monsters under my bed. The clowns got them. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/59 "2014-07-29T19:43:50Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Anyone recall the Far Side monster snorkel? > > > [@Leaffan](#): > > > > Ha ha! [The Monster Snorkel.](http://imgur.com/gallery/Ty94zdK) These days we, the cool kids, disguise them as CPAP machines! “I am the Shadow Man, and I will never harm the person under who’s bed I live.” ~ The Shadow Man’s credo. “I am the Shadow Man, and I will never harm the person under who’s bed I live. But, I am a Shadow Man from under someone else’s bed.” ~ The Shadow Man’s credo you don’t want to hear! For the uninitiated, Rockne S. O’Bannon and Joe Dante’s, [_The Shadow Man_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUP64E930iw). CMC fnord! 50 and monsterphobic ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137/60 "2014-07-30T02:42:36Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I have no monsters under my bed. > > The clowns got them. In my case, it was the monster in the closet. I have seen neither since their death match. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-44-and-scared-of-monsters-under-the-bed/693137.md?page=4)