# I'm a (British) Biscuit addict **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 19, 2003, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212 "2003-05-19T09:48:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/61 "2003-05-22T11:17:12Z")
Oreos are, of course, one of those things you have to be genetically American to properly appreciate (like PBJ sandwiches). I have attempted to explain to various Brits the Sacred Oreo-eating Rituals, and have been treated to varying degrees of derision and scorn. Heathens, all. Amongst UK biscuity offerings (disregarding the obviously cakelike manna that is the Jaffa cake), I’m partial to chocolate-chip digestives (mmm) as well as Sainsbury’s Lemon thins (which not every store carries, and some that do only do so in a multi-pack with those horrible Golden Crunch biscuits – urgh). And then there are Tim-Tams. Mmmmm…Tim-Tams… ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/62 "2003-05-22T11:42:16Z")
Surely if a Trio qualifies as a chocolate bar incorporating biscuit, then Penguin must also be admitted as same, due to their clear similarity. And we all know Penguins are biscuits. It’s a conundrum. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/63 "2003-05-22T11:46:16Z")
In which case, Kit Kats, Twixes and the like must also be admitted to the club of the biscuit. Oh, and Club too… ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/64 "2003-05-22T11:52:18Z")
penguins were given honorary biscuitship back in 1983. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/65 "2003-05-22T11:59:27Z")
Alternatively, Penguin could forego its biscuitship in order that Twix, Kit Kat and sundry other confectionary products could claim their rightful place as chocolate bar incorporating biscuit. I think Penguins should take this one for the team. ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/66 "2003-05-22T12:08:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Alternatively, Penguin could forego its biscuitship in order that Twix, Kit Kat and sundry other confectionary products could claim their rightful place as chocolate bar incorporating biscuit. I think Penguins should take this one for the team. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![owlstretchingtime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/958977/32.png) [@owlstretchingtime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlstretchingtime)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/67 "2003-05-22T12:08:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by garius \* > \*\*IAnyone know a place near Holborn that sells Rich Tea Fingers?! Please?! Anyone?! > > . \*\* Give Shepherds in Endell St a go. They have an extensive selection of bikkies. 5 minute walk from Holborn. Owl (fellow addict, and ex Holborn worker) ---
**Author:** ![owlstretchingtime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/958977/32.png) [@owlstretchingtime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlstretchingtime)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/68 "2003-05-22T12:13:13Z")
A couple of biscuit related queries: 1. Is there a single sentient being on the face of the planet that likes them there pink wafer thingums? Even my dog won’t eat them (and he eats his own sick). I’d rather eat the dog’s sick. 2. “Nice” biscuits. Is it nice as in pleasant or Nice as in the place in france? I’ve never known. Also a real mans biscuit, that really sorts the men from the boys is a malted milk (with a picture of a cow on it) ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/69 "2003-05-22T12:18:27Z")
> [@](#): > > ) Is there a single sentient being on the face of the planet that likes them there pink wafer thingums? Even my dog won’t eat them (and he eats his own sick). I’d rather eat the dog’s sick. [sub]I like them.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/70 "2003-05-22T12:34:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by owlstretchingtime \* > \*\*A couple of biscuit related queries: > > 1. Is there a single sentient being on the face of the planet that likes them there pink wafer thingums? Even my dog won’t eat them (and he eats his own sick). I’d rather eat the dog’s sick. They are quite good if you eat them immediately upon opening the assortment, however nobody does this and by the time they are consumed, they are always damp, chewy and unpleasant. - Somebody out there must like them as you can buy whole packets of them. > [@](#): > > 1. “Nice” biscuits. Is it nice as in pleasant or Nice as in the place in france? I’ve never known. Given that they aren’t actually very nice, the latter (I do think it is the latter, honestly). ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/71 "2003-05-22T13:16:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by owlstretchingtime \* > \*\*A couple of biscuit related queries: > > 1. Is there a single sentient being on the face of the planet that likes them there pink wafer thingums? Even my dog won’t eat them (and he eats his own sick). I’d rather eat the dog’s sick. > \*\* Yup, I do. ---
**Author:** ![pierre72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b2d939/32.png) [@pierre72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pierre72)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/72 "2003-05-22T13:17:40Z")
Re. the whole biscuit / chocolate bar debate. I think we’re looking too closely here, people. It’s not down to the relative ratio of biscuit:chocolate, it’s the SIZE of the bar. Hence, regular 2-fingered twix = chocolate bar. You get them on the counter in petrol stations. Definitely a chocolate bar. Trio - comes individually wrapped in packs of 6. Never on the counter in a petrol station. Hence, chocolate biscuit. Kit-Kat blurred the lines a bit, but (and I know this is quite a step to take, but come with me here…), following the same rules… 2-fingered kit-kat, biscuit. 4-fingered kit-kat, chocolate bar. It’s MORE than a biscuit, see. You wouldn’t scoff two 4-fingered bars in one sitting? You’d have a 4-fingered bar as a snack in its own right. Also - 2-fingered bar sold in packs of 6, 4-fingered bar sold on its own in petrol stations. (which leads to a joke about my ex-girlfriend, the punchline of which is “you only get 4 fingers in a kit-kat”, but it’s far too improper for this board) So - simple rule of thumb. If it’s in a petrol station, sold on its own, it’s a chocolate bar. If it’s in a supermarket, sold in packs of 6, or 8, or above, it’s a biscuit. Penguin - biscuit. Club - biscuit. Time Out - chocolate bar. Kit-kat… well, depends on the variety. And Nestle tried to mess with our minds further by introducing individual tixes. And the “Twixel”. We’re through the looking glass here, people… They WANT this confusion to permeate, but don’t let it. Follow the simple Laws of Biscuit. If it barks like a biscuit, it’s a biscuit. Happy to be of service. (Oh - and Jaffa Cakes - biscuit. They follow the Laws of Biscuit, see?) ---
**Author:** ![everton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@everton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/everton)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/73 "2003-05-22T13:46:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pierre72 \* > **Oh - and Jaffa Cakes - biscuit. They follow the Laws of Biscuit, see?** Yes, they follow your biscuit/bar rule, but they break the biscuit/cake rule. To test whether it’s a biscuit or a cake, leave it on a plate over night uncovered. If it’s a biscuit it will be softer in the morning than it was beforehand, if it’s a cake it will be drier. ---
**Author:** ![pingalondon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@pingalondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pingalondon)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/74 "2003-05-22T13:59:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Oreos are, of course, one of those things you have to be genetically American to properly appreciate (like PBJ sandwiches). I have attempted to explain to various Brits the Sacred Oreo-eating Rituals, and have been treated to varying degrees of derision and scorn. Heathens, all. > > And then there are Tim-Tams. Mmmmm…Tim-Tams… \*\* Well, since this was a Brit thread I left out the Tim-Tams (Australian king of biscuits), but apparently they have been released in the UK. Hooray!!! So yes, Tim-Tams. Slight hijack: **jr8** , I love Oreos, always have since I was a tiny wee thing. Scraping that cream off with teeth remains one of my favourite texture sensations! ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/75 "2003-05-22T14:03:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by everton \* > \*\*Yes, they follow your biscuit/bar rule, but they break the biscuit/cake rule. To test whether it’s a biscuit or a cake, leave it on a plate over night uncovered. If it’s a biscuit it will be softer in the morning than it was beforehand, if it’s a cake it will be drier. \*\* spot on that man! ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/76 "2003-05-22T14:08:13Z")
Aah, but what if its softer _and_ drier, do we have a cakbit? ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/77 "2003-05-22T14:16:23Z")
no - its a cakuit ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/78 "2003-05-22T14:17:46Z")
That’s what I meant! My brain’s being fried by fitting models to a galaxy, and writing an observing proposal! ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/79 "2003-05-22T14:22:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angua \* > \*\*my uncle who lives in the States will not eat American “cookies”. He comes over to the UK every few years, and will stock up on proper biscuits. 🙂 \*\* An English friend turned me on to Jaffa Cakes, and in search of them, I found [www.ukgoods.com](http://www.ukgoods.com) where you can order them, and a large number of other English goodies, including biscuits, crisps and candy bars. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212/80 "2003-05-22T14:24:02Z")
Shhh! Don’t tell him that! Otherwise he’ll never visit! 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-british-biscuit-addict/176212.md?page=5)