I am supposedly descended from Viscount of Orleans Geoffrey down through Henry II Plantagenet, married to Elbeonore of Aquitaine and onward through Edward I. You may all kiss the hem of my cargo shorts.
That’s what you get when you don’t wear any underpants.
I am a direct male-line descendant of someone who helped founded a town in the US midwest around 1840. He was a farmer. His son became a doctor. His son went to France and got shot at a lot and somehow lived through it.
I grew up with my dad telling me we were descended from James Cook, the explorer. When I was in junior high I took a book out of the library on Cook and found out that he had three sons… none of whom had any children (they all died young). My whole life was a lie!
When I got older I did find out that my great-great-great grandfather was named Cook and came from England, but that’s about it.
This funny YouTube video, “How to Become the British Monarch” addresses the issue of how many descendants of the British kings there are. See 2:58 for that.
There’s one teeny error. When speaking about primogeniture the little illustrations of stick figures have a girl saying “That better be a boy” and it’s supposed to be “NOT be a boy.”
Lots of Lackeys and serfs and servants in my bloodline.
True, but then I’ll just be descended from a different king, quite possibly a better one.
I’d hate to burst anyone’s bubble but pretty much everyone today can trace their lineage back to a king or a queen. In fact my King Ethelred pre-dates your king. My grandfather born in the US could have been a Lord had he gone back to England, he stated my sentiments exactly when he said “We’re eating beans and we are going to keep eating beans”.
Basically ANYONE whose heritage goes back to Western Europe is related to Charlemagne.
I didn’t vote for you.
Dare I? 
*I’m Henry the eighth, I am
Henry the eighth, I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She’s been married seven times before
And every one was an Henry (Henry)
She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam (No Sam)
I’m her eighth old man, I’m Henry
Henry the eighth I am*
I think a Plantagenet MIGHT just regard you Tudors as upstart rabble.
Oh, crap, this is a ZOMBIE!!! Damnit, in that case, I’m going to bring up the lawyer who told my paternal grandmother that she’s a direct descendant of William Penn, and any time we care to pony up 600 beaver pelts to the British Crown (the yearly tribute expected, by the terms of the colonial charter – two per year, that is), we could have Pennsylvania all for ourselves.
You don’t think that pesky Revolution we had might have nullified that?