# I'm a new DAD!; I've got Questions! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 24, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460 "2011-02-24T16:17:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/21 "2011-02-24T17:44:35Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > [http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2009.02175.x/abstract](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2009.02175.x/abstract) > > Here’s another large study which looked at over 500,000 women. > > Results  No significant differences were found between planned home and planned hospital birth (adjusted relative risks and 95% confidence intervals: intrapartum death 0.97 (0.69 to 1.37), intrapartum death and neonatal death during the first 24 hours 1.02 (0.77 to 1.36), intrapartum death and neonatal death up to 7 days 1.00 (0.78 to 1.27), admission to neonatal intensive care unit 1.00 (0.86 to 1.16). > > Conclusions  This study shows that planning a home birth does not increase the risks of perinatal mortality and severe perinatal morbidity among low-risk women, provided the maternity care system facilitates this choice through the availability of well-trained midwives and through a good transportation and referral system. > > Have your baby wherever you want. I have nothing against hospital births. But in the spirit of fighting ignorance, but studies don’t show that they are safer. We looked at the same study: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/22 "2011-02-24T17:48:51Z")
I know a couple of women who had home births and are huge fans. I even know one woman whose husband delivered their (third) child (cost: $0, well, maybe some bleach) and they did just fine. I also know one woman who was considering a home birth and is glad she didn’t because she hemorrhaged pretty severely afterwards, and another who wasn’t considering home birth and is very glad she didn’t because her baby needed immediate hospital care afterwards. And, of course, I know a great many people (including myself) for whom it would not have made any difference in terms of safety. The Little One and I would have been fine if it had been a home birth, as we were fine in the hospital birth. > [@Phlosphr](#): > > we want to have a choice as to whether we have medication, who is in the room, how we labor, what happens when the baby comes out [meaning stay connected to the umbilical for a few minutes instead of an immediate sever. I don’t quite understand this. At my hospital we had choices about all those things (though it did depend a bit on the ob/gyn). Does yours not support these choices? I would think in an area where home births were prevalent that the hospital would also be aware of these choices. In fact, I would think a hospital birth would have _more_ choices. For example, at a home birth you don’t have the choice to have an epidural (should you decide you want one on the spot… which many women decide they do when they realize how painful childbirth really is) whereas in the hospital you do. (I would have preferred, beforehand, to do without, but at around 7 cm I asked them to get the anesthesiologist ASAP.) > [@Sattua](#): > > 1. You sound like you’re being an awesome partner in this pregnancy (morning toast in bed? heavens!), so you probably don’t need to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway: try not to pressure your wife in any way shape or form. She’s the one who has to actually have this baby, and during pregnancy, the mother tends to be far more protective and conservative about the baby’s welfare than the dad. Trust her instincts and try not to make her feel that you’ll judge her or be disappointed in WHATEVER course she decides to take. All **Sattua** ’s points are excellent, but I’d like to stress the one about supporting her in whatever course she decides to take. I know too many moms who feel disappointed and despairing and like failures because they had an epidural after deciding they wanted natural, or had to have a c-section, or weren’t able to breastfeed, or had to supplement with formula, or what have you. The important thing is that you do the best you can do, and whatever gets you all through it and sane is the best thing. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/23 "2011-02-24T18:02:42Z")
As far as morning sickness, my doctor had me taking Unisom and a vitamin B-6 before bedtime for it, and it really helped. Of course, check with her doctor before you start doing that. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/24 "2011-02-24T18:10:49Z")
Wear a condom next time. Just kidding… congrats! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![beartato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@beartato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beartato)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/25 "2011-02-24T18:14:07Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Also, another hard question that is becoming ever more present: > Why do Dr’s appear to get offended when we bring up home birth and utilizing a midwife? The doc mentioned safety and how unsafe a homebirth is, but Mrs. P and I are quite aware people and have done a lot of research. There is a [Business to being born](http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/) and we are quite aware of that. We also understand that there are risks to home birth, and Mrs.P may have complications that force us to be at the Hospital - but there is also a chance everything will be fine and we can labor and deliver at home. The Docs don’t seem to understand that. As mentioned, there are reasons that doctors would not want to give you the okay on a home birth. If something went terribly, fatally wrong, Og forbid, a doctor who suggested it would be no problem may end up in legal trouble. Also, it’s good you understand that you may need to go to the hospital, but I think what people in this thread are encouraging you to think about is how fast things can rapidly go south. If that were to happen, how long do you estimate it would take to call and wait for an ambulance, then get to the hospital, then get into the ER? There are situations where it may take too long. As Sattua said, many hospitals are quite enlightened about different birth methods out there. Find out what’s really available before trusting everything you read. As for the nausea, my sister swore on ridiculous amounts of fresh oranges and fresh squeezed orange juice. Claims it was the only thing keeping her from living on the bathroom floor during her pregnancies. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/26 "2011-02-24T18:16:30Z")
Is there any way you could find a happy medium, such as a birthing center, rather than hospital? A friend of mine had a home birth the second time around and had a fantastic experience - then again, her first was born in under 3 hours; the second in just 1 hour, so planning for a home birth was kind of a necessity. In contrast, my first birth was horrific. The second birth was phenomenal (under 5 hours from arrival to birth). Regardless of relative ease, I’m glad I had the second in a hospital. I used two different hospitals in my children’s birth. My first was born in a notorious baby factory, and I didn’t really give the location enough thought. The nurses were horrible and uncaring and not at all supportive of natural childbirth (of course, 28 hours into the labor, I finally accepted an epidural; my son was born 4 hours later, promptly followed by a seizure). The staff at the second hospital were wonderful - caring, supportive, they listened, etc. If you do go with a hospital, when assessing your options, talk to some of the staff. Your doctor is there to catch the baby. Unless you have complications, you might only see him once or twice during labor for about 5-10 minutes each, then when the baby comes. The nurses are key. If they’re unsupportive or short with you, don’t have your baby there. At least that’s been my experience. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/27 "2011-02-24T18:20:16Z")
My daughter went from being a low-risk mother-to-be to a medical emergency that could have cost both hers and her baby’s life in a matter of minutes. Had she been at home, regardless of how skilled the birth attendant was, we could have lost them. Both are fine now. Especially with a first child no one can predict anything. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/28 "2011-02-24T18:54:24Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > All 4 of mine were born in a giant bathtub with a midwife attending. No problems. If you get someone qualified and take the normal precautions, it will certainly be fine. This is simply factually incorrect. It will not certainly be fine. I wouldn’t argue “probably” be fine, but certain it certainly is not. My stepson was born in a hospital. His lung collapsed a few minutes later. It turned out he had a congenital heart defect that was undetectable by ultrasound. Even now, sixteen years later, it can be detected, but only if they do a specific scan just for that, which normally they don’t, and even then only in a percentage of cases. He ended up having open heart surgery at two weeks old. If he’d been born at home, he would have died. Period. He nearly did anyway. The boy next to him in the NICU, who had the exact same problem, did die. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/29 "2011-02-24T18:58:56Z")
I know a woman who had a home-birth. Was low risk, etc., but it ended up with complications, the baby was deprived of oxygen for some length of time. Baby and mother survived, but baby suffered severe brain damage and will never recover normal functions. It would not have happened if they had been at a hospital. When I had my babies, I did research on which hospitals in my area had the best NICUs, and chose accordingly. As it turned out, I had two healthy normal pregnancies and deliveries, two healthy normal babies. But no way was I going to take that risk. For the morning sickness, I found the thing that helped me most was just to never let my stomach get empty. I just nibbled all day. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/30 "2011-02-24T19:09:49Z")
Repeat: scientific studies show it to be no more riskier to give birth at home than in the hospital. NO RISKIER. NO MORE DANGEROUS. You know what they say about anecdotes and data. Well the data shows it is equally safe either way. ---
**Author:** ![jonesj2205](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@jonesj2205](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jonesj2205)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/31 "2011-02-24T19:31:19Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Opinions vary, we understand that. > > … > > We are open to everything, but having a choice is important to us. Fair enough. ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/32 "2011-02-24T19:37:16Z")
A few things come to mind: 1. Try to ensure that Mrs. Phlosphr stays fit and healthy throughout. My wife walked daily to work and back and kept going to the gym (on a much lighter program) almost to the birth. We (well, she) thought it really helped for the labour and recovery. 1. Try to get the baby’s room ready and have a car seat set up in advance of the birth. No couple wants the strain of shopping and organizing and setting up in addition to a new baby. 2. If you have pets, try to get them acclimated to babies. Bring friends’ babies over if possible and let them get used to the smells and sight of baby toys. And also… CONGRATULATIONS! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/33 "2011-02-24T19:37:21Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > Repeat: scientific studies show it to be no more riskier to give birth at home than in the hospital. NO RISKIER. NO MORE DANGEROUS. > > You know what they say about anecdotes and data. Well the data shows it is equally safe either way. It really doesn’t matter what the statistics say though, you and your baby are individuals, and if something goes wrong for you, that would have been recoverable in a hospital setting but wasn’t at home, you’ll kick yourself for the rest of your life (if it isn’t yours that’s saved). Likewise, if something goes wrong in the hospital - like catching MRSA - and it happens, you’ll kick yourself for not doing the homebirth. Philosphr Our first “birth experience” was having our son handed to us in an airport. The second was after 12 hours of hellish labor in a hospital. (Homebirth is right out for us, I’m Rh-, I’m also a Strep B carrier - both are risky labor situations - but I’m probably the polar opposite of you, I went in saying “I want an epidural.”) Neither experience was “more spiritual” than the other. Its the day you become a parent, the hows are really the least important part of this. I said this a few weeks ago. Getting overly concerned about having the ideal pregnancy, labor, delivery, etc. is a little like getting married and getting overly concerned about the wedding. The hard part happens later. Don’t get hung up on the ideal experience for birth. ---
**Author:** ![beartato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@beartato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beartato)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/34 "2011-02-24T19:39:54Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Sterility is a modern convenience and one that can help with the spread of germs etc…\*\*but our house isn’t germ laden \*\*and the fear-factor for us is not superseding the wont to have a choice and deliver at home. Bolding mine. Can I ask how you are sure of such a thing? Germ isn’t exactly a scientific term and though most of us would like to think of our houses as clean, I do wonder what makes you so sure. ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/35 "2011-02-24T20:33:51Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > Repeat: scientific studies show it to be no more riskier to give birth at home than in the hospital. NO RISKIER. NO MORE DANGEROUS. > > You know what they say about anecdotes and data. Well the data shows it is equally safe either way. Go back and read what you posted again. > [@](#): > > Conclusions  This study shows that planning a home birth does not increase the risks of perinatal mortality and severe perinatal morbidity among **low-risk women,** provided the maternity care system facilitates this choice through the availability of well-trained midwives and through **a good transportation and referral system**. (bolding mine) If they’re in their first trimester, you have no idea if you’ll be a low-risk birth by the time you get to the end. The changes taking place in her body are massive, so ruling out the hospital until you’re closer to the due date is foolish (IMO). If you want to birth at home, fine, just make sure you have **both** plans worked out in detail. Don’t be caught at the last minute not knowing everything about the hospitals that you need. Note the second bolded statement. “A good transportation adn referral system”. Which sounds to me like you need to make sure you’re ready to get to the hospital pronto if something goes wrong. Like many others have posted, if we hadn’t have been at the hospital to get the emergancy c-section I doubt our daughter would be with us. And again anecdotal, but while recently watching “one born every minute” a reality type show about childbirth, I was struck by a couple that wanted to be ‘all natural’ with no medication at all. After 22 or 23 hours of painful labor, the woman consented to taking pitocin, and she had her baby like an hour and a half later. The point? That her standing on her principles didn’t matter in the slightest, if she had agreed to the pitocin at the start of her labor as the doctors suggested, she’d have had the baby faster, with less stress on her and the baby. And since she ended up taking it anyway, what did she accomplish aside from 15 hours of pain? Not a damn thing. So while I support anyones decision to have their children in any way they want (as long as it is safe for the baby), be sure not to stand on your principles long after they become an obstical. Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/36 "2011-02-24T20:55:41Z")
> [@beartato](#): > > Bolding mine. Can I ask how you are sure of such a thing? Germ isn’t exactly a scientific term and though most of us would like to think of our houses as clean, I do wonder what makes you so sure. There are tens of thousands of germs in our home, it’s not a messy home, but certainly not germ free. When I said germ laden, I was talking about taking the normal - perhaps slightly anal - route of cleaning quite often and not letting silly things accumulate. That being said, I am pretty sure there are no diseases in the home that could be transmitted to baby…not so sure at a hospital. Again, if we have to be at the birthing center that it totally fine as well, whatever is the healthiest for baby and momma. If the opportunity arises and the conditions are right for a home birth, we’ll probably do that. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/37 "2011-02-24T21:07:08Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Any other suggestions for morning sickness? Have your wife talk to her OB. My wife was very nauseous with our first kid throughout the entire pregnancy. She took a 1/2 of a [unisom](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unisom) everyday. It seemed to take the edge off of her nausea. The one trade-off was that she had to take a nap everyday as well. She tried several times to quit taking the unisom, but the nausea would come back. WRT to the home delivery, mid-wife thing…most likely everything would be fine, but there is a small chance that things could go terribly wrong and your home and the midwife would not be equipped to handle that situation. Do you really want to take that kind of chance with your wife and child? I wouldn’t. If something were to happen, I don’t think you would be able to forgive yourself. Is this a question about money? You said in the OP that you had a good job. Do you have medical insurance that will cover the delivery? If so, why even consider a home delivery? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/38 "2011-02-24T21:08:33Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > If the opportunity arises and the conditions are right for a home birth, we’ll probably do that. But there are numerous things that could go wrong that won’t be identified until the delivery begins…then you may be too late to get to a hospital. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/39 "2011-02-24T21:13:59Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > But there are numerous things that could go wrong that won’t be identified until the delivery begins…then you may be too late to get to a hospital. There are numerous things that can go wrong in the hospital as well. I would think the with the advent of hospitals infant mortality went waaay down, but millions of children were delivered without a hospital for thousands of years, some in the dirt… So, it is the choice that matters, my wife’s safety and that of the infant are premier on my mind, the fact that some [not you] think that a home birth is looking away from safety speaks to just how far we have come in a society concerned with germs, vaccinations and taking the choice away from the family. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460/40 "2011-02-24T21:22:10Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > There are numerous things that can go wrong in the hospital as well. I would think the with the advent of hospitals infant mortality went waaay down, but millions of children were delivered without a hospital for thousands of years, some in the dirt… > > So, it is the choice that matters, my wife’s safety and that of the infant are premier on my mind, the fact that some [not you] think that a home birth is looking away from safety speaks to just how far we have come in a society concerned with germs, vaccinations and taking the choice away from the family. Sounds like you made up your mind before you posted this thread seeking advice. My concern has nothing to do with germs, vaccinations, etc. It is about the small risk that a complication could occur during a home delivery that could easily be corrected with the medical staff and equipment that are right there with a hospital delivery. 9,999 times out 10,000, you would never need it. But on the 1 time that occurs and your delivering at home. I just wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if that happened. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-new-dad-ive-got-questions/572460.md?page=3)