# I'm a published author! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 15, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560 "2013-07-15T14:11:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/1 "2013-07-15T14:11:03Z")
After more than a year of chasing literary agents and being told “thanks, but really, you’d have a better chance of weaving your bellybutton lint into an area rug than getting me to represent your work,” I finally bit the bullet and used an online publishing site to make my book available to the masses. You can preview (and buy! Buying is good!) \*The Man Rules \*[here](https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/336678). If you’re a long-time reader of The Straight Dope message boards, you might recognize some of the stuff in the book - about 20 percent of it had its genesis in my posts here. At $4.99, it’s an amazing bargain - using the same type of calculator as that favored by world-famous theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking, I’ve estimated you’re spending less than 1/10 of a penny per laugh! Seriously, if you have the time, visit the site and sample a portion of the book for free. You don’t HAVE to buy it, but my starving children would appreciate it. Plus, woohoo! I’m published! ---
**Author:** ![newcomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e5b9ba/32.png) [@newcomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcomer)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/2 "2013-07-15T14:26:12Z")
Ok… the sample is funny. Congrats! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/3 "2013-07-15T15:18:22Z")
Crap, I want an autographed dead-tree version! ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/4 "2013-07-15T15:30:26Z")
Thanks, **newcomer**! **Dung Beetle** , your comment made me realize I need to market my e-book differently. So now, it’s not that I couldn’t get an agent and a print publisher - it’s that I was so concerned for the environment that I didn’t want to kill trees. Hear that, everybody? I’m funny AND environmentally conscious! Plus, I’ll make this offer - if anybody wants an autographed copy, just send me your tablet or e-reader, with the book file open on it. I’ll sign the screen in permanent ink and send it back to you. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/5 "2013-07-15T16:27:36Z")
How about custom ePub files with signature inscriptions? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/6 "2013-07-15T17:36:41Z")
Congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/7 "2013-07-15T18:10:23Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > Thanks, **newcomer**! > > **Dung Beetle** , your comment made me realize I need to market my e-book differently. So now, it’s not that I couldn’t get an agent and a print publisher - it’s that I was so concerned for the environment that I didn’t want to kill trees. Hear that, everybody? I’m funny AND environmentally conscious! > > Plus, I’ll make this offer - if anybody wants an autographed copy, just send me your tablet or e-reader, with the book file open on it. I’ll sign the screen in permanent ink and send it back to you. Done and done. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/8 "2013-07-15T21:02:37Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Done and done. Thank you! And thanks to everyone who’s offered congratulations. **Sunspace** , if I can figure out how to do the ePub customization, I’ll be happy to provide an autographed copy. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/9 "2013-07-15T21:12:24Z")
Congrats! Maybe us SDMB self-published authors ought to create our own publishing company… ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/10 "2013-07-15T23:42:02Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > Plus, I’ll make this offer - if anybody wants an autographed copy, just send me your tablet or e-reader, with the book file open on it. I’ll sign the screen in permanent ink and send it back to you. I’m so far behind in my reading..but if this statement is a sign of the humor involved, I need to put this on my list. Hmm. Can I send you my list, so you add the book to it? ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/11 "2013-07-16T00:41:17Z")
> [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > I’m so far behind in my reading..but if this statement is a sign of the humor involved, I need to put this on my list. > > Hmm. Can I send you my list, so you add the book to it? Sure! I’ll even sign your list! And thanks, **iiandyiiii**! ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/12 "2013-07-16T02:19:44Z")
That’s just fantastic! I’ve always enjoyed reading your stuff on here. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/13 "2013-07-16T03:58:38Z")
Sauron, I’ve read some of your posts, and you are NOT just a published author, you are a DAMN FUNNY writer! Congrats! ---
**Author:** ![NIKI50](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/958977/32.png) [@NIKI50](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NIKI50)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/14 "2013-07-16T04:26:35Z")
I’m female but I won’t tell anyone that I enjoyed the book quite a bit. Very well written and very funny, great job!🙂 ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/15 "2013-07-16T04:40:12Z")
Your book crashed my Kindle! Actually, **it** didn’t. But in the process of trying to get it from my computer onto my Kindle, I had to reset the Kindle and it lost all its “collections”, so now I have to resort all my books. Including yours, which will go into “Humor”! But a nice Amazon support person told me how to email a downloaded file from my computer to my Kindle instead of transferring it via USB, which is going to be very useful in the future. So your book taught me a new skill before I even read it! ---
**Author:** ![Pork\_Rind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pork_rind/32/111_2.png) [@Pork\_Rind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pork_Rind)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/16 "2013-07-16T04:45:12Z")
First, I’m gonna buy the book like right now. But I’ll admit to more than just a twinge of disappointment to learn that your name is not actually Sauron. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/17 "2013-07-16T04:48:59Z")
No, no. The name on the book is a pen name - of course he’s **Sauron**! He’s always been **Sauron**! ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/18 "2013-07-16T05:23:37Z")
Congratulations, **Sauron**! I’ve enjoyed your writings here, and if the book lives up to the first few pages of the sample, I think I’ll enjoy that even more. ---
**Author:** ![independentDemocrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ba9def/32.png) [@independentDemocrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/independentDemocrat)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/19 "2013-07-16T10:48:25Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Crap, I want an autographed dead-tree version! hahaha ya me too dude i require blood sacrifice for my learning and pleasure reading. PAPER made of trees please ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/20 "2013-07-16T14:36:56Z")
My thanks to you all for the kind words … I’m beyond flattered. In a real sense, the book wouldn’t exist without the Dope – this site provided a creative outlet for me to keep writing when I didn’t think I could. You folks, and many others over the past 14 years I’ve been here, have inspired and motivated me in ways I can’t even begin to describe. Three books sold thus far! Only 349,999,998 to go to pass Stephen King! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560.md?page=2)