# I'm a published author!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [July 15, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560 "2013-07-15T14:11:03Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![rEVOLutionary](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revolutionary/32/7311_2.png) [@rEVOLutionary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rEVOLutionary)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/21 "2013-07-16T14:46:47Z")

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Here’s my tips for men on how to get women:

1. Approach a girl.
2. Make eye contact.
3. Smile.
4. Say, “hi.”
5. ???
6. Profit.

That really is all you have to do. I used to be beta and try and use all these pickup lines, but you don’t need any of that bullshit, just say, “hi.”

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**Author:** ![jools](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@jools](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jools)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/22 "2013-07-16T15:08:18Z")

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Done. Read the preview, enjoyed it so I bought it and shhhh don’t tell anyone I’m a woman

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**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/23 "2013-07-16T15:26:59Z")

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Okay, I’m just sayin’ - you ladies are taking a HUUUUUUGE risk by reading this book. Watch out for the ninjas.

And thanks for buying!

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**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\
**Post date:** [July 16, 2013, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/24 "2013-07-16T15:32:55Z")

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> [@Pork\_Rind](#):
>
> But I’ll admit to more than just a twinge of disappointment to learn that your name is not actually Sauron.

Spoiler boxes please!

This is way cool, Sauron (I assume that by using “Sauron” you realize I’m addressing the actual person that wrote the book of funnies.)

Congrats!!!

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**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\
**Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-published-author/663560/25 "2013-07-17T13:33:24Z")

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Thanks very much, **lieu**! Your tale of pooping in a canoe is something I regularly re-read for inspiration. (Note to other Dopers: If you haven’t read that, search for it and read it post-haste. It never fails to make me laugh.)

And for what it’s worth … my MIDDLE name is Sauron.

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