# I'm a spy. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 2, 2005, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581 "2005-06-02T18:13:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/1 "2005-06-02T18:13:38Z")
Or so say a couple of friends, who have decided I’m a spy or an assassin. [ul][li]My Naval Aviation hobby lead me, back in the late-1980s, to compile a notebook of data on aircraft carriers and associated squadrons[/li][li]I collect firearms[/li][li]I have the entire _James Bond_ series on DVD[/li][li]I have a Russian ‘sniper camera’ (35mm camera with a 300mm lens and a shoulder stock)[/li][li]I have binoculars[/li][li]I have a night vision device[/li][li]I use the word ‘dossier’[/li][li]I know how to fly airplanes and helicopters, drive a boat, SCUBA, ride a motorcycle, etc.[/li][li]I live within walking distance to the Canadian border (‘The better to evade you with, my dear!’)[/li][li]I’ve held a high security clearance[/li][li]I have some knowledge of ‘spy gadgets’[/li][li]I’ll neither confirm nor deny that I’m a spy[/ul][/li]Obviously, I’m an Operative! 😉😛😃 I’m thinking of using the ‘sniper camera’ to take some surveillance photos of one of my friends. I can put together some ‘documentation’, and maybe have a SECRET stamp made. I can anonymously mail him a packet of 8x10s and the ‘dossier’. My friend would **definitely** appreciate the joke. He’s a former Army Scout, so it might be a little challenging. Very easy for me to get caught in the act. Still, if I can pull it off it will be a source of amusement amongst the three of us for years to come! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/2 "2005-06-02T18:16:09Z")
\*I’m a spy in the house of love I know the dream, that you’re dreamin’ of I know the word that you long to hear I know your deepest, secret fear I’m a spy in the house of love \* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/3 "2005-06-02T18:25:32Z")
Well, there’s only one sure test. Do you like your martinis shaken, or stirred? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/4 "2005-06-02T18:27:20Z")
[old man voice] back when I was in the service (signal intercept/linguist/electronic warfare dude) they used to tell us, “You folks are NOT spies, you simply conduct tactical electronic surveillance and intrusion.” Yeah, we had a pretty tight clearance too. They hand those out like candy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/5 "2005-06-02T18:33:15Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Yeah, we had a pretty tight clearance too. They hand those out like candy. 😃 My TS had a mocha filling. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/6 "2005-06-02T18:34:21Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Do you like your martinis shaken, or stirred? Do you have a Need To Know? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/7 "2005-06-02T18:37:04Z")
I’d love to be a spy. Does my sleuth-like capability to find your neighborhood via your given location get me into the advanced course? Actually, I’d just like to be James Bond, and only really then the parts where he gets all the chicks with the cool names, not the parts where big ugly guys threaten him or shoot at him. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/8 "2005-06-02T18:39:45Z")
Aw, man, you’re _way_ cooler than any of us. Hmph. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/9 "2005-06-02T18:53:57Z")
> [@mr bus guy](#): > > I’d love to be a spy. Does my sleuth-like capability to find your neighborhood via your given location get me into the advanced course? Well, if you send a satellite photo with my house circled… 😉 > [@Kythereia](#): > > Aw, man, you’re _way_ cooler than any of us. That’s what my friends say; but I’m not seeing it. I’m a Boring Old Fart. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/10 "2005-06-02T19:22:13Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > [ul][li]My Naval Aviation hobby lead me, back in the late-1980s, to compile a notebook of data on aircraft carriers and associated squadrons[/li][li]I collect firearms[/li][li]I have the entire _James Bond_ series on DVD[/li][li]I have a Russian ‘sniper camera’ (35mm camera with a 300mm lens and a shoulder stock)[/li][li]I have binoculars[/li][li]I have a night vision device[/li][li]I use the word ‘dossier’[/li][li]I know how to fly airplanes and helicopters, drive a boat, SCUBA, ride a motorcycle, etc.[/li][li]I live within walking distance to the Canadian border (‘The better to evade you with, my dear!’)[/li][li]I’ve held a high security clearance[/li][li]I have some knowledge of ‘spy gadgets’[/li][li]I’ll neither confirm nor deny that I’m a spy[/ul][/li]Obviously, I’m an Operative! 😉😛😃 Oh, yeah… [ul][li]One of my watches is the same as James Bond’s[/li][li]Another watch was worn by a Bad Guy in _Goldfinger_[/li][li]Another watch is a Hamilton Ventura, as worn by MIB. [/ul][/li]😛 ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/11 "2005-06-02T19:23:39Z")
_And_ you can sell cars! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/12 "2005-06-02T19:29:11Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > I’ll neither confirm nor deny that I’m a spy > Obviously, I’m an Operative! Well, you’ve got the telling lies part down pat. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-spy/306581/13 "2005-06-03T03:32:04Z")
Heh heh. I’ve started a ‘dossier’. Sat photo of my friend’s building (too high to see anything, but it’s a _satellite_ photo! 😉 ), aerial B&W photo of the building, and a couple of ‘fact sheets’. (I’ll have to use my ‘spy skills’ to fill them out.) Now I need to get some B&W film and some batteries for the Fotosniper. I hope I can keep a straight face (and also be there) when the mail comes. I could be all like, ‘Where did you get those?’ As if I ‘recognised’ the packet and wondered how whoever got them, got them. This is gonna be the Jape of the Decade, I tells ya! 😃