# "I'm a very honest person"... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2008, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574 "2008-12-17T15:54:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/41 "2008-12-18T02:19:08Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I’ve found that one of the best ways to judge other people’s character is to look at what they believe about other people. People usually see other people as mirrors of themselves; by default they will assume other people are like them. So a person who generally trusts other people is himself probably trustworthy. And a person who thinks other people are usually dishonest is most likely telling his own lies. There’s definitely some validity to what you’re saying. But I would argue a completely honest person who never stole a stick of gum in his life will end up slightly less trusting of others after being victimized himself. And if the victimization continues, it can develop a world view of “everyone’s out to rob me!” even if he maintains his own principles fervently all along. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/42 "2008-12-18T03:19:17Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I’ve found that one of the best ways to judge other people’s character is to look at what they believe about other people. People usually see other people as mirrors of themselves; by default they will assume other people are like them. So a person who generally trusts other people is himself probably trustworthy. And a person who thinks other people are usually dishonest is most likely telling his own lies. I HATE this! I always have to correct my perception of someone when I plan things out–they always come out overly shouty, and it’s just so aggrivating! Uhhhsuh ---
**Author:** ![eldowan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@eldowan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eldowan)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/43 "2008-12-18T04:02:20Z")
> [@Cagey\_Drifter](#): > > IMO, nobody thinks of themselves as being dishonest, so to state this as a means of assuring another of what they themselves know not to be true does not really make logical sense. However, if someone thought of themself as dishonest, wouldn’t they explicitly use “i’m honest” as a way of _being_ dishonest? ---
**Author:** ![mailman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@mailman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mailman)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/44 "2008-12-18T16:57:24Z")
An old boss of mine would say, “I’m not a ‘gotcha’ kind of guy,” and he had cultivated this compelling little catch in his throat that was supposed to indicate sincerity. Well guess what? He was EXACTLY a ‘gotcha’ kind of guy, and the most insincere SOB I have ever met. He ran the place with a network of unwilling conspirators who only helped him out of fear of his reprisal if they didn’t. Good riddance. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/45 "2008-12-18T18:50:50Z")
> [@burundi](#): > > Exactly. “I always speak my mind” can usually be translated as, “I’m a rude asshole with little consideration for others’ feelings.” Hey, man, I’m just being _real_. Most people just can’t handle it when I tell the truth like it is. God, I hate people who say stuff like that. ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/46 "2008-12-18T19:09:23Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > I think I got this from Miss Manners, but it’s something I’ve mentally **cross-stitched into my brain** : > > “People who tell you they’re brutally honest are usually more interested in being brutal than honest.” > > It’s paraphrased, but it’s so true. > > Robin Ouch ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/47 "2008-12-18T19:35:58Z")
> [@eldowan](#): > > However, if someone thought of themself as dishonest, wouldn’t they explicitly use “i’m honest” as a way of _being_ dishonest? Sure, that’s why you ask him “What would _the other guy_ say if I asked him if he always tells the truth?” Wait, this was a riddle right? ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/48 "2008-12-18T19:45:57Z")
> [@Agonist](#): > > Ouch It’s the only way it’ll stick. Robin ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/49 "2008-12-18T19:48:51Z")
Yeah, that’s one of my guidelines. Anyone who says "Well, I’m the kind of person who . . . " by definition isn’t. You show who you are through your actions, not your declarations. Once, I actually managed to get a “brutally honest” person to shut the hell up. It was in the final meeting of a ceramics class, where we had put out our semester’s work and doing a class critique. She kept saying some really mean, pointless stuff about every single person’s stuff. Not constructive, just mean. “You know, our comments are supposed to be helpful,” I said. “Well, I’m being honest!” “Yes, but think of all the honest things every member of this class could say to you that wouldn’t be helpful or nice.” She shut up. It was very gratifying. ---
**Author:** ![Bacon\_Salt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/65b543/32.png) [@Bacon\_Salt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bacon_Salt)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/50 "2008-12-18T19:52:21Z")
> [@mailman](#): > > An old boss of mine would say, “I’m not a ‘gotcha’ kind of guy,” If anybody anywhere ever said that to me, my thoughts would be pure 😕 “What the fuck does that even mean?” And that type of thing there is another clue that the person is what he says he’s not. Too specific/idiosyncratic. Like that joke that they have in every adult cartoon that goes something like “I did not embezzle funds from the school board to go on a trip to Maui with my secretary.” Interestingly, if you think about it, the phrase “I’m a very honest person” despite being bandied around a lot is rather idiosyncratic. They’re not just honest, they’re very honest. I suppose they could find themselves very hired for that new job, their home very burglarized while they were gone, and one day they’ll be very dead. ---
**Author:** ![sovtawen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@sovtawen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sovtawen)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/51 "2008-12-18T22:21:02Z")
> [@outside\_artist](#): > > In my opinion, people who say things like this are letting you know that they are the opposite of what they claim. My friend, who is dating a guy who keeps saying this believes him, but I cringe every time he (frequently) comes out with it. I feel that those who need to constantly tell people this are making up for being dis-honest. If you are honest, you just are and you don’t need to keep saying so. What do you think? Are people who make broad statements like this about themselves really truthful, or are they overcompensating? I don’t think there’s a simple, general answer to this. What a person says about himself (unless he’s some kind of sociopath) usually reflects what he wants to believe more than anything. I would guess that this guy genuinely wants to consider himself honest and be seen as an honest guy. Maybe he really is. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/52 "2008-12-18T22:57:21Z")
I will probably get flamed for this, hey, I’m an honest kinda gal!!!11!! but every time I hear someone say, " I am a good Christian…" it means they are not to be trusted. And they ( as a whole and individual) have _never let me down_. ( Everyone of them were adulterers or habitual check bouncers, when people could write bouncing checks.) Everytime my dingbat SIL (who is a _good christian_ in herself\* and proclaims in often enough, does business with some schmoe who has the jesus fish thingie on his business card or advertises with their church and then eventually gets screwed over by this christian business mans lack of integrity or ethics, ( It’s happened on her flooring guy and her carpet guy, one who went by the name of\* Honest Abe\*.) Who in the right mind would _ever_ do business with a guy named _Honest Abe_, honestly! She did not want to deal with the contractors we recommended ( my husband is a builder and knows these guys and he wouldn’t recommend any one named Honest Abe to family or friends just on principle alone.) because these guys were too expensive and too skeevy looking. " Like they’ve been smoking all day and drinking all night." (This coming from a woman who bought the roofers beer to drink on a 95 degree day. Yeah, I intervened and put a stop to them climbing back up after a 12 pack to work on my husbands insurance.) I responded, " THAT is the sign of a good contractor. Booze, cigerettes and a bunch of ex wives in the background that they smite." (YMMV) “He was too expensive.” she retorted like a bee just flew up her nose. " How much would you pay to have the job done right the first time and not have it look all shitty AND not have months and months of phone calls that are never returned to get things settled?" Says me, shoving the bee in a little deeper. " It’s been, what, two years and your carpet is still laid WRONG." \*self edited my diatribe on her. Sorry, you’ll have to wait for the mini series on Oxygen. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/53 "2008-12-18T23:17:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Everytime my dingbat SIL (who is a good christian in herself\* and proclaims in often enough, does business with some schmoe who has the jesus fish thingie on his business card or advertises with their church and then eventually gets screwed over by this christian business mans lack of integrity or ethics I remember the fourth season of Survivor, where one of the contestants, Vecepia, continuously talked about how she was a Christian. The kicker was at one point where she stated that she planned on lying to the other players in order to win but said it was okay for her to lie because she was a Christian so God would forgive her. I think she may have missed some of the subtler points of what redemption means. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/54 "2008-12-19T07:52:14Z")
A long time ago I knew someone that used to say a phrase that drove me up a wall. He was generally not a “bad guy”, but I gradually cut off contact with him and always kept his quote in my mind. Years later I met someone who was a good friend of a friend of mine and he did it as well. I wrote a letter about it because it drove me nuts. Never sent it to anyone, but one of those things where _flashback_ oh yeah… dealing with people who are _that way_ and everyone knows one. So, following is that short weird note… I saved it and did nothing with it… Just had to blow off steam about people that act that way and like writing in a journal… I wrote, realized how I felt, and went on with life keeping away from that type of person. I edited the swearing some… not that it does much, but I don’t want to have twenty f-words in an IMHO thread. … I don’t mean to be an asshole, but… 2/5 (that was the date last year I wrote it) If you’ve ever uttered the words “I don’t mean to be an asshole, but…” You are one. I heard someone say this the other day and it just hit me… What a cheap cop out use of the English language. You don’t get a free pass by saying, in effect, “I don’t normally act like an asshole but I’m going to right now. Only for the duration of this sentence. Just because I disagree with you or want to point out a flaw. Let’s be friends again right after.” If you fear your statement will offend that much and is not worth being labeled as a jerk by the people you know then don’t fucking say it. If it is worth it because you strongly believe whatever your point is then please, share! We need people who say what they really think and not what they think everyone wants them to say. Show a little backbone, though: NO F\*\*\*G DISCLAIMER. When talking about a controversial topic and you have the underdog, less popular opinion (say you think illegal immigrants should be allowed to get a driver’s license, you think we should drop a few nukes on the whole middle east and be done with it, you happen to like Clay Aiken’s music) people do pretty much the same damn chicken\*\*\*t thing. “Well, some people might say…” NEVER use that phrase. “Well, some people might say AIDS is a good thing. It’s an example of how nature cuts down the population to keep an eventuality from happening where we’ve got fifteen billion people on this planet and we’re all fighting for natural resources.” BULLSHIT. Not the whole AIDS thing, I don’t give a shit about that. What’s bullshit is that your pansy ass can’t stand up for what it believes. “Some people” includes you in this case, so cut those other assholes out of the picture and say “I think”. And never… EVER end that one with “But I don’t know.” “Some people might say same sex marriage is against the good of society, but I don’t know…” BULLSHIT. You do know what your opinion is because you’re the one that f_ **g brought up the different point of view before backpeddling your ass out of the line of fire. If you didn’t know how you felt you would’ve shut the fk up and listened to the people that are debating the issue then made up your f** _ing mind. Afraid to stand up for your point of view? Then go f **k yourself. Want to be an asshole and get a free pass to do so by using a disclaimer? Go f** k yourself. I don’t mean to be an asshole about the whole thing, but some people might say I’m right, I don’t know. * * * Adding in all those \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*'s does nothing, I know, but figured I’d be modest and at least mention I thought about it. Hrm… Figure that rant could go in this thread too ([Jovial Dick](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=497391)) ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/55 "2008-12-19T11:19:34Z")
G’morning! In my experience, most people are basically honest, or would like to be, either way, it seems most of us are trying to be good. Personally, I trust all people on principle unless and until they give me a reason not to - and I’m not talking about petty miscommunications etc. OTOH, I disagree that a statement followed by ‘but’ negates the first part of the statement - that’s one dimensional thinking. We don’t live in a world where everything is either black or white, and many, if not most statements, ideas, concepts, opinions, and so on _require_ qualification. Re: honesty. I find it embarrassing when someone tells me what a good, honest, loving, kind, nice, patient, (add your own adjectives here) person I am, because I know me better than anyone other than God - and I know I’ve failed at _everything_ to some degree and am simply trying to be ‘good’ like everyone else - make that most people. Some people, it seems, really don’t have any honorable aspirations. Re: what we believe about ourselves. I can identify with that line from the movie _Pretty Woman._ ‘Ever notice now the bad stuff’s easier to believe?’ When someone says something horrible to us - we never forget it. We may forgive them and move on but the remark sticks to us like glue. Just my own experience/observation. Have a wonderful day! - Jesse… ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/56 "2008-12-19T11:43:16Z")
I immediately distrust people who tell you how much money they earn in a year. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/57 "2008-12-19T11:48:01Z")
G’morning Cicero! I’d be more suspicious of the people who want to know. :dubious: - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/58 "2008-12-19T11:50:32Z")
I agree Jesse. However those who tell me how much they make immediately seem to big note themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/59 "2008-12-19T12:34:00Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > I agree Jesse. However those who tell me how much they make immediately seem to big note themselves. Hello again! 🙂 ‘Big note themselves’ - does this mean they say they make more than they do? Perhaps some people think of themselves in the way the banks think of all of us - that our ‘net worth’ is preceeded by a $ sign. I once tried to explain to my bank manager how absurd that concept is, but my explanation went over his head and he still thinks I’m crazy. LOL! What is it, I wonder, that blinds some people to the fact that we’re all priceless, were created equal, we all cry salt tears, and we all bleed red? LOTS of love to you and yours - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574/60 "2008-12-19T13:10:33Z")
Ok - I have a question. I often tell people, “I make it a point to answer any question - so don’t ask a question if you don’t want to know.” Is that the same thing? I’m just wondering if I come off the same way as people who say “I’m a very honest person” - cause that would be bad. I will say that if/when I’ve used the phrase “I strive to be a very honest person” it’s because I’m keenly aware of a time in my life when I wasn’t so very honest - for various reasons. For me, it’s because I’m trying to verbally remind myself that I’m not willing to go back there - y’know, the point where you justify the lies and half-truths and spin-doctoring. Does that make sense? ymmv. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-very-honest-person/477574.md?page=4)