# I'm a worthless hack who can't write for shit. (lame, self pitying rant) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 10, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099 "2002-11-10T04:43:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MemoryLeak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6f9a4e/32.png) [@MemoryLeak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MemoryLeak)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/1 "2002-11-10T04:43:34Z")
Wow, you’re not kidding! ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/2 "2002-11-10T05:11:34Z")
All writers feel that way at some point, even the really good ones. Grab you a book about writing, like say, _Bird by Bird_ by **Anne Lamott**. If nothing else, it will make you feel a little less alone. ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/3 "2002-11-10T05:41:00Z")
\*I’m a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop! But if baby I’m the bottom, You’re the top! \* Cole Porter ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/4 "2002-11-10T14:01:14Z")
Are you NaNoing? Slap that inner critic and keep typing until you hit fifty thousand. (I have more specific advice, if you are indeed NaNoing, but since your OP seems to have fed the hamsters…) ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/5 "2002-11-10T14:09:47Z")
Hell, I have more specific advice, anyway. Whenever I get that feeling (and I had it just this Friday), invariably there’s something wrong with my approach–something specific. Last Friday, after planning for awhile to dig a hole in the back yard and crawl in and die, I finally realized that I’d been rushing, and gotten too far ahead. I needed to back up and give myself more room to work. Once I did that, everything was fine again. Is there a character who suddenly just doesn’t seem right? Go back and see if you’re making him/her do something that they shouldn’t be doing, or that they shouldn’t be doing yet. Are you sure a plot point is the most retarded thing ever to be comitted to paper? Go back and see if you’ve really laid the groundwork for it that it needs. Look at the specific thing that’s making you think you suck, and see why it’s bothering you. When you take care of that, or even think to yourself what it is and how you might fix it, that feeling goes away, in my experience. Just a thought. Now, go write! ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/6 "2002-11-10T14:14:14Z")
Did you guys not read the “sticky”? To save server space the hamsters are now removing or cutting short worthless writing by those who can’ ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/7 "2002-11-10T14:15:31Z")
Don’t worry, Gomez, you can probably still get a job with the Daily Mail. ---
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/8 "2002-11-10T14:45:14Z")
Nooooooooooooo 🙂 I’m going to e-mail the mods to have this dumbass thread closed down. For what its worth I _did_ pinpoint what was wrong with my approach (I was writing in the 1st person which was causing me to give too much exposition). I’ve only written a couple of paragraphs of the revised version and it’s looking better. Please accept my apologies for this whiny abortion of a thread. The fact that you never got to read the snivelling OP is definately for the best. P.S. - Thanks for your advice **Bren\_Cameron**. It’s extremely helpful stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/9 "2002-11-10T14:58:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by december \* > \*\*\*I’m a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop! > But if baby I’m the bottom, You’re the top! \* > > Cole Porter \*\* Strangely appropos, somehow… _You’re a boon, You’re the dam at Boulder, You’re the moon…over Mae West’s shoulder. I’m a nominee of the G.O.P or GOP, But if, Baby, I’m the bottom, You’re the top!_ ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2002, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/10 "2002-11-11T03:47:46Z")
> [@](#): > > But if, Baby, I’m the bottom, > You’re the top! Sez **Homebrew** to **gobear**. ---
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/11 "2002-11-11T05:50:59Z")
I really feel silly starting this thread. Right now it’s nearly six in the morning, I’ve been up all night rewriting the same story and it’s the best stuff I’ve ever done (although that’s not to say it’s particularly good 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/12 "2002-11-11T21:02:28Z")
You go, Gomez!!! Hey, are you doing NaNoWriMo, and if not, why not??? ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2002, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-a-worthless-hack-who-cant-write-for-shit-lame-self-pitying-rant/136099/13 "2002-11-11T21:16:25Z")
Don’t forget to include a robot that wishes it was human. That always spices things up. Especially for science fiction. But even a cook book can always benefit by same. And the evil twin should discover a surprise, even more evil, triplet.