# I'm an idiot... and... a genius! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916 "2011-05-14T19:02:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/1 "2011-05-14T19:02:14Z")
So, in trying to help my wife out today with the chores, I did the dishes. Now, I hardly ever help out in this area (I have an aversion to ‘wet’), so it had been a while (years) since I had to put detergent in the dishwasher. She wasn’t around, so as I was sorting through a staggering amount of chemicals under the sink, I was overwhelmed. I was looking for the dishwashing detergent (in liquid form, as I was so used to in a former life), and I stumbled upon an unusually large purple bottle I assumed was the proper detergent (it had the word “dishwashing” in its description). It was not… The suds spewing forth out of the dishwasher brought to mind countless movies I’d seen where the well-meaning dolt, unpracticed in the ways of washing clothes, tries to help out with the laundry, but adds far too much detergent. I can’t exaggerate the amount of suds here. It was like that scene in [The Shining,](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6qDqdYY6-Y&playnext=1&list=PLDBBEB9F4E38E96F3) where blood pours forth from the elevator, and engulfs the entire lobby and furniture. Except, in this case, the blood was soap suds, and the lobby was my kitchen, however, the music was the same and was echoing in my head. I was terrified. I panicked and tried running the rinse cycle, alone. It was like throwing gasoline on an inferno. I threw down towels everywhere. It was like shoveling sand. It just kept coming and coming and coming. I foresaw my whole day taken from me, as I removed all the dirty dishes, the racks and hand cleaned the entire dishwasher. “NO!” The eternal lazy bastard in my head cried… “There _must_ be another way!”… Then… somewhere in the recesses of my mind, [Walter White](http://insidepulse.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/walter_white-e1299017904323.jpg) from _Breaking Bad_ broke through the horror. He had sage advice, for he was practiced in such chemically driven criminal scenarios. He gripped me by the shoulders, looked me dead in the eye with resolve, and said, “[del]Jesse[/del] **cmyk** , You can _do_ this. Think! WHAT do you have on hand that can break down the surfactant of dish soap detergent?!” The answer was immediate. _Fabric Softener!_ I ran downstairs to the laundry room, grabbed the Downy, and as I carefully plowed my way back through the slippery field of suds, I made it to the overflowing dishwasher. I poured a thimbleful in. Pushed the dishwasher closed. I squeamishly turned the rinse cycle back on. Sweat was beading on my forehead… I waited, as my entire kitchen smelled unnaturally like Apple Mango Tango™. I bore it out for a full minute. Then, as I prepared for the worst, I opened the dishwasher, and to my relief, the dishwasher was completely without suds. I stared in wonder, as if a magical unicorn fart made all the carnage disappear. Snapping out of it, I let the rinse cycle run two times, then found the actual dishwasher “packets”, popped one in, set it to Normal Wash, and thus, the day was saved, the universe restored, and my dignity still as murky as ever. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/2 "2011-05-14T19:14:46Z")
I have a similar internal voice for stressful events, except mine is Ruby Rod from the Fifth Element film and he just grabs me by the chest hair and screams in a shrill voice and we both run away. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/3 "2011-05-14T19:16:01Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > I have a similar internal voice for stressful events, except mine is Ruby Rod from the Fifth Element film and he just grabs me by the chest hair and screams in a shrill voice and we both run away. That’s Super-Green! (I lol’d) ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/4 "2011-05-14T19:52:41Z")
Dude, nice! ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/5 "2011-05-14T22:06:03Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > I have a similar internal voice for stressful events, except mine is Ruby Rod from the Fifth Element film and he just grabs me by the chest hair and screams in a shrill voice and we both run away. I laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/6 "2011-05-14T22:11:42Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > I have a similar internal voice for stressful events, except mine is Ruby Rod from the Fifth Element film and he just grabs me by the chest hair and screams in a shrill voice and we both run away. You win an internets! ETA: and are entered into a drawing by which you may earn a SECOND internets! ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/7 "2011-05-14T23:21:51Z")
At least it wasn’t like when Homer Simpson was in the basement with the cleaning chemicals. - “Bart Gets An Elephant” ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/8 "2011-05-14T23:31:11Z")
I laughed, I cried, I forwarded this to a very undomesticated friend 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/9 "2011-05-15T00:11:44Z")
So what was it you put in the dishwasher? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/10 "2011-05-15T00:25:26Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > So what was it you put in the dishwasher? That would be dishwashing soap, as in something along the lines of Dawn, right. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/11 "2011-05-15T00:27:36Z")
[Liquid Evil.](http://www.ilovegain.com/gain_apple_mango_tango_dishwashing_liquid.do) Note: its deceiving label of “dishwashing liquid”, not dish soap. Hmmmph! ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/12 "2011-05-15T00:28:40Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > That would be dishwashing soap, as in something along the lines of Dawn, right. Yehhhh… I had no idea Gain made dish soap. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/13 "2011-05-15T00:45:22Z")
Oh dear. I could see my daughter doing this at some point in the future - I’ll keep the fabric softener in mind. Very clever of you - though not nearly as clever as you finding a way to get out of ever doing the dishes again. Well done! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/14 "2011-05-15T01:12:30Z")
regular bar soap works for this, too. errr… not that I’d know from experience or anything. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/15 "2011-05-15T01:17:31Z")
Confuse your wife. Next time you take out a dish say; “Look, no more static cling!” Do not explain. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/16 "2011-05-15T01:25:48Z")
I think it was Helen Mirren in _The Long Good Friday_ giving Bob Hoskins the verbal slap in the face that does it for me. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/17 "2011-05-15T01:32:05Z")
Very well done. For future reference, hair conditioner will work, too, for the exact same reason. Which I do not know from \*dishwasher \*experience, but the day I put it in the foaming soap dispenser by mistake, thinking it was shampoo. (Diluted shampoo works really well in foaming soap dispensers. Conditioner…not so much.) ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/18 "2011-05-15T01:35:42Z")
Did you get extra credit points for also mopping the kitchen floor? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/19 "2011-05-15T02:36:37Z")
Oh yeh. The wife: not so much impressed by the clean floor, until she was _on_ it in tears from hearing the ordeal she was lucky enough to have averted. And uh… Gain isn’t lying when they say _AromaBoosting™ Technology®._ I don’t know if it’s nanobots or some shit… but damn… WTF, Gain?! ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/20 "2011-05-15T15:51:25Z")
So…what exactly IS fabric softener? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916.md?page=2)