# I'm an idiot... and... a genius! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916 "2011-05-14T19:02:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/21 "2011-05-15T17:17:05Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > So…what exactly IS fabric softener? I think the chemistry of FS is sort of complex now-a-days, but my thinking is that it basically neutralizes the effects of soap, as Fabric Softener is acidic, whereas soap is a base. Clothes build up static electricity, because of all those free wheeling electrons (negative charge). The clothes just love to attract more of these electrons, building up an imbalance like a storm cloud… Pull off a wool or cotton sweater in the dark… So pretty, as those electrons spit out photons as they release all that pent up energy! The softener acts as a lubricant by holding an innate positive charge, destroying the static like opening the Ark of the Covenant does Nazis, allowing the fibers to stop repelling each other, and roll around in the hay together. The macro result being clothes that feels so _niiiize_. So, my guess was that, like baking soda and vinegar, the softener would neutralize the soap, restoring the surface tension of water to normal, making sudsing go bye-bye. Those with powers of chemistry, was I close? ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/22 "2011-05-15T17:20:30Z")
You wife should be very happy with you- you washed the dishes really, really well and mopped the floor! ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/23 "2011-05-15T17:22:25Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > You wife should be very happy with you- you washed the dishes really, really well and mopped the floor! You so get me! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/24 "2011-05-15T17:27:07Z")
Lol. It’s wax in a liquid suspension. Know how when you have a really greasy pan from cooking hamburgers and you squirt a bunch of dishsoap right in there and it sort of makes a bleh grey foam, instead of copious white fluffy bubbles? Too much oil (grease, wax, whatevs…hydrophilic molecules) and the surfactant action of the soap is all used up breaking up the fat into teeny tiny blobs and there’s not enough left to make fluffy bubbles. But yeah, chemically speaking, you’re close enough. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/25 "2011-05-15T17:48:08Z")
HA, yes… thank you, **WhyNot.** So, in other words, hand/dish soap and softener are both emulsified fatty acids so that they can mix with water, but the properties of their formulation determine its pH balance (pushing hand/dish soap into the alkali by emulsifying it in a strong base), which allows soap to break down long molecular chains of oils/fats. Then, if needed, a softener can be used to restore a balance of fatty molecules, after soap’s done its job of washing the dirt away with the oil? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/26 "2011-05-15T18:16:36Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > HA, yes… thank you, **WhyNot.** > > So, in other words, hand/dish soap and softener are both emulsified fatty acids so that they can mix with water, but the properties of their formulation determine its pH balance (pushing hand/dish soap into the alkali by emulsifying it in a strong base), which allows soap to break down long molecular chains of oils/fats. Then, if needed, a softener can be used to restore a balance of fatty molecules, after soap’s done its job of washing the dirt away with the oil? Yep. Or as I like to think of it in the shower with shampoo and conditioner, “Ah…thank goodness I washed all that oil out of my hair! Now, where’s the other bottle so I can put oil back on my hair?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/27 "2011-05-15T18:19:39Z")
It’s been so long since I _had_ [hair](http://www.nouilles.info/illustrations/sdmb_portraits/13513_extra_3.jpg), I miss the feeling of conditioner. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![user\_hostile](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/user_hostile/32/474_2.png) [@user\_hostile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/user_hostile)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/28 "2011-05-15T19:00:01Z")
Why couldn’t have high school chemistry had these kind of practical examples ? I got an A, but just found it boring in general. It’s these crisis in better living that bring it to life!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/29 "2011-05-15T19:43:47Z")
Indeed, right?! ---
**Author:** ![user\_hostile](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/user_hostile/32/474_2.png) [@user\_hostile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/user_hostile)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/30 "2011-05-15T21:53:34Z")
Indeed! ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/31 "2011-05-15T21:59:46Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > So, in trying to help my wife out today with the chores, I did the dishes. Now, I hardly ever help out in this area (I have an aversion to ‘wet’), so it had been a while (years) since I had to put detergent in the dishwasher. > > She wasn’t around, so as I was sorting through a staggering amount of chemicals under the sink, I was overwhelmed. I was looking for the dishwashing detergent (in liquid form, as I was so used to in a former life), and I stumbled upon an unusually large purple bottle I assumed was the proper detergent (it had the word “dishwashing” in its description). It was not… > > The suds spewing forth out of the dishwasher brought to mind countless movies I’d seen where the well-meaning dolt, unpracticed in the ways of washing clothes, tries to help out with the laundry, but adds far too much detergent. I can’t exaggerate the amount of suds here. It was like that scene in [The Shining,](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6qDqdYY6-Y&playnext=1&list=PLDBBEB9F4E38E96F3) where blood pours forth from the elevator, and engulfs the entire lobby and furniture. Except, in this case, the blood was soap suds, and the lobby was my kitchen, however, the music was the same and was echoing in my head. I was terrified. > > I panicked and tried running the rinse cycle, alone. It was like throwing gasoline on an inferno. I threw down towels everywhere. It was like shoveling sand. It just kept coming and coming and coming. I foresaw my whole day taken from me, as I removed all the dirty dishes, the racks and hand cleaned the entire dishwasher. “NO!” The eternal lazy bastard in my head cried… “There _must_ be another way!”… > > Then… somewhere in the recesses of my mind, [Walter White](http://insidepulse.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/walter_white-e1299017904323.jpg) from _Breaking Bad_ broke through the horror. He had sage advice, for he was practiced in such chemically driven criminal scenarios. He gripped me by the shoulders, looked me dead in the eye with resolve, and said, “[del]Jesse[/del] **cmyk** , You can _do_ this. Think! WHAT do you have on hand that can break down the surfactant of dish soap detergent?!” > > The answer was immediate. _Fabric Softener!_ > > I ran downstairs to the laundry room, grabbed the Downy, and as I carefully plowed my way back through the slippery field of suds, I made it to the overflowing dishwasher. I poured a thimbleful in. Pushed the dishwasher closed. I squeamishly turned the rinse cycle back on. Sweat was beading on my forehead… I waited, as my entire kitchen smelled unnaturally like Apple Mango Tango™. > > I bore it out for a full minute. Then, as I prepared for the worst, I opened the dishwasher, and to my relief, the dishwasher was completely without suds. I stared in wonder, as if a magical unicorn fart made all the carnage disappear. Snapping out of it, I let the rinse cycle run two times, then found the actual dishwasher “packets”, popped one in, set it to Normal Wash, and thus, the day was saved, the universe restored, and my dignity still as murky as ever. I would have said “Think MacGyver…THINK!!!” ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/32 "2011-05-15T22:06:02Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > So…what exactly IS fabric softener? I don’t know, myself. But now I finally have a reason to buy it. I think. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/33 "2011-05-15T22:27:29Z")
This is by far my favorite thread this week. :p:p:p Someone wittier than I should go threadspot it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/34 "2011-05-15T23:09:10Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > I have a similar internal voice for stressful events, except mine is Ruby Rod from the Fifth Element film and he just grabs me by the chest hair and screams in a shrill voice and we both run away. You’ve just managed to completely eclipse the OP with this single line post and I think I love you for it. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/35 "2011-05-15T23:43:09Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > I would have said “Think MacGyver…THINK!!!” I have to repress MacGuyver… last time he gave me advise, I blew up the garage with some fertilizer, a paperclip and some aspirin. All because some spilt motor oil. Asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/36 "2011-05-16T01:32:41Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > And uh… Gain isn’t lying when they say _AromaBoosting™ Technology®._ I don’t know if it’s nanobots or some shit… but damn… WTF, Gain?! No kidding. If Dawn and Joy can be said to assertively fondle your olfactory bulb, then Gain bends it over the back of the couch and gives it a thorough rogering. I was duly impressed with both your idiocy and your brilliance. Though the idiocy was funnier. And I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who remembers The Fifth Element - that was gold right there, **Lobohan**. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/37 "2011-05-16T02:04:47Z")
My idiocy is always funnier, so long as you’re not an innocent-bystander, or there’s any manslaughter involved. So far, so good on the latter. For now. I love The Fifth Element. **Lobohan’s** almost immediate rejoinder summoned an image no one can top. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/38 "2011-05-16T02:41:52Z")
I’m both happy and sad for you. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/39 "2011-05-16T02:49:08Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > I have a similar internal voice for stressful events, except mine is Ruby Rod from the Fifth Element film and he just grabs me by the chest hair and screams in a shrill voice and we both run away. Thanks to this quote and my allergies, I rocketed snot out of my nose laughing at this. The _dog_ was revolted, and he tries to eat garbage. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916/40 "2011-05-16T03:22:50Z")
I keep coming back in here to read Lobohan’s quote and giggle myself silly, and Kolga just made me snort cold water out of my nose. THANKS [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-an-idiot-and-a-genius/581916.md?page=3)