# I'm announcing my candidacy for president **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2000, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631 "2000-08-24T20:00:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631/21 "2000-08-29T20:40:44Z")
_walks in, sets box on table_ Hey, good luck to you. Here’s some cigars for your election party… _tip toes out_ ---
**Author:** ![Talkinsquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Talkinsquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talkinsquirrel)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631/22 "2000-08-29T20:48:02Z")
Can I be a secretary of something? ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631/23 "2000-08-30T06:44:44Z")
Yeah, talkinsqirrel, you’re now secretary of making sure that our opponents are “taken care of” if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, I mean, make sure they can “no longer campaign” if you know what I mean. smug, you are now head of Canadian affairs if you want the job. If not, eh, whatever floats your boat. SPOOFE, you are obviously just like every other politician. You make up lies about your opponents in hopes that it will destroy their reputation. And on top of that, you make empty promises. You _say_ there will be an orgy, when I on the other hand am writing this post during an orgy intermission. And as far as conquering creation goes, you don’t have a good enough slogan to even obtain the presidency let alone Earth. You need something like “Steeljaw. Cause who really gives a fuck?” and then you need a vice president like jester who can come up with catchy phrases like that. On second thought, maybe you should get the VP first, then let him think of the slogan, cause lord knows you couldn’t do it yourself. I would like to close this address to the american public with one very concise statement. SPOOFE, suck my white ass. (ala Happy Gilmore, the way golf should be) No offense, SPOOFE. It’s politics. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631/24 "2000-08-30T07:37:58Z")
> [@](#): > > SPOOFE, you are obviously just like every other politician. Now that hurts, it really does. ::sobs:: T’hell with the presidency… I’m going straight for Emperor. But I want the opinion of the masses: Would you guys prefer to be controlled by an army equipped with heavy repeating blaster rifles or heavy concussion rifles? I just can’t decide on my own… ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631/25 "2000-08-30T17:49:21Z")
Sumg, now that you’re in charge of “candidate relations,” I want you to look into that snake thing, especially concerning the Dead Chipmunk. So far he seems to be our biggest opponent, since he’s already beaten Spoofe in charisma and style points. Well, that’s all for now, I’m goin back to the orgy. Lata! ---
**Author:** ![Talkinsquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Talkinsquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talkinsquirrel)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631/26 "2000-08-30T19:26:14Z")
[quote] Yeah, talkinsqirrel, you’re now secretary of making sure that our opponents are “taken care of” if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, I mean, make sure they can “no longer campaign” if you know what I mean.[/q] Gotcha sir 😉 ::sneaks into SPOOFE’S house while he’s sleeping and steals his car keys, soaks his shoes in caramel, shaves his head, puts a gimp mask on him, takes a picture, and publishes it in the newspaper:: ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631/27 "2000-08-31T05:22:47Z")
Whoa whoa whoa! Let’s focus on **destroying** the reputation of SPOOFE, not _improving_ it. SPOOFE, if you try anything like plasma blasters or whatever the hell you were ranting about, I’ll have to call on my connections down at the superhero evil villain killer organization, because you would definitely qualify as an evil villian. :Stares daringly at SPOOFE, “Don’t make me pick up the red phone.”: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-announcing-my-candidacy-for-president/30631.md?page=1)