# I'm auditioning to be MTG's speechwriter **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 10, 2023, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299 "2023-06-10T21:29:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2023, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/1 "2023-06-10T21:29:18Z")
Did you know that many of our earliest presidents had slaves? Thomas Jefferson raped his slaves; he raped Sonja Henie! And Washington! Washington raped his slaves! And he’s on the mountain and all our money! Washington was forgiven for being a rapist, and he wasn’t half the president donald trump is. It’s a double stee- yanderd! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2023, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/2 "2023-06-10T21:36:44Z")
Needs more cowbell batshit. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2023, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/3 "2023-06-10T21:42:19Z")
I think General Ripper was right. Somebody is putting something it the water in this country and it’s causing problems. Probably not fluoride, but whatever it is, it’s having a very real effect. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2023, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/4 "2023-06-10T23:48:13Z")
Meh, not enough hatred, whining, and blaming people for bad things based on conspiracy theories. It’s much more positive than the kinds of speeches she prefers. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/5 "2023-06-11T00:22:55Z")
I can’t quite do the stream of unconsciousness necessary to do her justice. I guess I could have at least added the old “the American people won’t stand for it!”, whether it’s apropos or not. ---
**Author:** ![Dandan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@Dandan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dandan)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/6 "2023-06-11T00:30:00Z")
NM, read something wrong. Dan ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/7 "2023-06-11T00:34:16Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > I can’t quite do the stream of unconsciousness necessary to do her justice. You’re just not insane or evil enough, consider it a compliment. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/8 "2023-06-11T00:36:20Z")
No, you read it right- it didn’t make any sense to begin with 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/9 "2023-06-11T00:51:54Z")
> [@Dandan](#): > > NM, read something wrong. You read this: > [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > I can’t quite do the stream of unconsciousness necessary to do her justice. I guess I could have at least added the old “the American people won’t stand for it!”, whether it’s apropos or not. as “stream of consciousness”, didn’t you? I did and was about to post when I proof-read the post and saw that @Son_of_a_Rich actually used the word I was going to “substitute” (stream of **unconsciousness** ). ---
**Author:** ![Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mundane_super_hero/32/6304_2.png) [@Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundane_Super_Hero)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/10 "2023-06-11T01:02:53Z")
Needs more “threatening people who disagree with you with guns”. ---
**Author:** ![Dandan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@Dandan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dandan)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/11 "2023-06-11T01:05:12Z")
Y[quote=“Monty, post:9, topic:985299, full:true”] > [@Dandan](#): > > NM, read something wrong. You read this: > [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > I can’t quite do the stream of unconsciousness necessary to do her justice. I guess I could have at least added the old “the American people won’t stand for it!”, whether it’s apropos or not. as “stream of consciousness”, didn’t you? I did and was about to post when I proof-read the post and saw that @Son_of_a_Rich actually used the word I was going to “substitute” (stream of **unconsciousness** ). [/quote] Yes, yes I did, and a multitude of thanks for baring my…whatever that was to the ENTIRE STRAIGHT DOPE - I - VERSE! Your friend, Dan ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/12 "2023-06-11T01:20:52Z")
> [@Mundane\_Super\_Hero](#): > > Needs more “threatening people who disagree with you with guns” Isn’t that the _other_ MAGAlady? ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/13 "2023-06-11T01:22:17Z")
I think they’re both ammosexual. ---
**Author:** ![Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mundane_super_hero/32/6304_2.png) [@Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundane_Super_Hero)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/14 "2023-06-11T01:24:58Z")
Google Search: [![](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/111/0a1/abf6e3ddd8f39b4a67743e04e6cc214844-marjorie-taylor-greene.rsquare.w330.jpg) ](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/111/0a1/abf6e3ddd8f39b4a67743e04e6cc214844-marjorie-taylor-greene.rsquare.w330.jpg) [![](https://cdn1.opensecrets.org/news/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/08142254/majgreen.png.png) ](https://cdn1.opensecrets.org/news/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/08142254/majgreen.png.png) ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/15 "2023-06-11T03:25:16Z")
Well, how else is she going to shoot down the space lasers? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/16 "2023-06-11T03:31:34Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > Well, how else is she going to shoot down the space lasers? - How about with a ground laser? Or maybe leave it to the Space Force to do their job. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/17 "2023-06-11T03:47:47Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Or maybe leave it to the Space Force to do their job. Getting put back into the Air Force where they belong? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/18 "2023-06-11T03:49:55Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > How about with a ground laser? Or an ASSAM. (Anti-Semitic Surface-to-Air-Missile) ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/19 "2023-06-11T04:00:51Z")
The greatest trick the Jews ever pulled was convincing the world their space lasers didn’t exist. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2023, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299/20 "2023-06-11T05:05:50Z")
I’ve wondered about that; do we just keep this extraneous branch of the military, or do we fold it back into the Air Force where it really belongs? I admit I haven’t been keeping up with that as much as I should. But it seems like the billions spent on Space Force could be better spent elsewhere. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-auditioning-to-be-mtgs-speechwriter/985299.md?page=2)