# I'm being forced to spank it in public **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 19, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652 "2005-05-19T23:19:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/1 "2005-05-19T23:19:04Z")
The little lady (“Nancy”) and I are trying to have another kid. We have a 4 year old girl, and have been trying for the last two years to have another. Besides one miscarriage, no dice. So, the little lady went to the lady doctor, who probed her girly parts, including her hoohaa and snicker-lala. Ran some tests, that sort of thing. The doctor said, just to be sure, I should give a sperm sample as well. Maybe the little Sidds aren’t up to snuff. But there is a hitch (oh, you knew one was coming). We live in a very small town with no practicing girly doctors. My wife’s doctor lives in a town about 45 minutes away. I have to squirt my boys in a cup and get it to the doctor in under 30 minutes, lest they stop their squirming. The little lady, sensitive lass that she is, tells the doctor this. The doctor suggests that we drive to the city where she practices, go to the park, and jerk off in the bathroom, a la George Michael. I refuse to abuse myself in the bathroom at the park. Especially that park. It doesn’t even have doors on the bathroom. The little lady is becoming increasingly frantic, wondering where I’m going to masturbate. She suggests McDonald’s. We have a friend who lives in that town, and she has suggested asking the friend for the use of her home for a few minutes. Can you imagine asking a friend if you can pull your pud in their bathroom? We’re running low on ideas. I’m considering asking the doctor if I can do it in their bathroom. Or, better yet, in their waiting room. ---
**Author:** ![mittu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@mittu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mittu)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/2 "2005-05-19T23:22:06Z")
I would have thought doing it in the bathroom at the Doctor’s Surgery would be the obvious choice and reasonably sanitary. By the way this thread title is a “Check out the sequential threads on that one” waiting to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/3 "2005-05-19T23:23:17Z")
> [@mittu](#): > > I would have thought doing it in the bathroom at the Doctor’s Surgery would be the obvious choice and reasonably sanitary. So would I. That’s why I was astonished with the doctor’s suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/4 "2005-05-19T23:24:55Z")
> [@Siddhartha Vicious](#): > > Can you imagine asking a friend if you can pull your pud in their bathroom? The only thing that would surprise my friends would be that I bothered to ask them first. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/5 "2005-05-19T23:31:38Z")
There’s something not quite right with that doctor. If you need to give them a urine sample, they normally let you pee in a cup in their clinic bathroom. They don’t make you piss in the alley and bring it in. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/6 "2005-05-19T23:39:08Z")
> [@Siddhartha Vicious](#): > > We’re running low on ideas. I’m considering asking the doctor if I can do it in their bathroom. Or, better yet, in their waiting room. Either way, talk dirty (and loudly) to the cup as you do your business: “Oh yeah, baby! Come on! Take it all, bitch!” ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/7 "2005-05-19T23:47:39Z")
I hear the guys can live for a few days inside your girl, shoot 'em in there and let the Dr. dig some out for testing. Or maybe you can drive her to the Dr. and she can spit them into the cup when you get to the office? ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/8 "2005-05-19T23:51:53Z")
The sperm bank called and said they don’t have a night deposit slot, please stop using the mail slot. Do it in the park bathroom?!?! What color crayon is the girly doctor’s medical license written in? ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/9 "2005-05-20T00:30:03Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > The sperm bank called and said they don’t have a night deposit slot, please stop using the mail slot. > > Do it in the park bathroom?!?! What color crayon is the girly doctor’s medical license written in? Good grief…I think I just wet myself, I am laughing so hard! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/10 "2005-05-20T00:44:08Z")
Rent a room. If cost is a problem, sell tickets and rent a room. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/11 "2005-05-20T01:58:22Z")
No real doc would want you to give the sample anywhere but in the office. That sounds VERY strange. Does the doc look anything like Ashton Kutcher? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/12 "2005-05-20T02:03:02Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > No real doc would want you to give the sample anywhere but in the office. That sounds VERY strange. I have to second this opinion! Specimen collection should be done at a doctor’s office or other professional facility. Any doc who recommends masturbating in a public restroom needs to be reported to the state Medical Examining Board. QtM, MD ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/13 "2005-05-20T02:24:57Z")
> [@mittu](#): > > I would have thought doing it in the bathroom at the Doctor’s Surgery would be the obvious choice and reasonably sanitary. > > By the way this thread title is a “Check out the sequential threads on that one” waiting to happen. Well, when I found it, “Wow A Magic Penis” was right underneat it! ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/14 "2005-05-20T02:27:15Z")
Eeeep! Lab Tech! It was a Lab Tech and not the doctor! I honestly thought it was the doctor. After I saw a **Qadgop** chime in to this thread, I read his post to my wife. Turns out she either told me wrong, or I heard wrong, but it was the Lab Tech and not the doctor who suggested that I wank in the park bathroom. Still, funny story, though. And still pretty strange that a Lab Tech would suggest milking the ol’ love stick in a public place. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/15 "2005-05-20T02:32:41Z")
Dude! You’ve been PUNKED! ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/16 "2005-05-20T02:42:22Z")
No no, it’s: Dude! You’ve been SPUNKED! ---
**Author:** ![Lola\_Granola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Lola\_Granola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lola_Granola)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/17 "2005-05-20T02:49:26Z")
_Hijack_ > [@Otto](#): > > No no, it’s: > > Dude! You’ve been SPUNKED! Ow! OW! laughing… to… hard… can’t … type… You are a comic GENUIS!!! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/18 "2005-05-20T03:04:12Z")
And to think my first thought – okay, my SECOND thought – was that this thread would be about corporal punishment since the mouse-over preview discussed children. Instead, the only thing being pummeled in this thread is diocesal officials. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/19 "2005-05-20T08:28:13Z")
Mua Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/20 "2005-05-20T12:42:35Z")
> [@](#): > > So, the little lady went to the lady doctor, who probed her girly parts, including her hoohaa and snicker-lala Being a guy, and a layman, I’ve never been able to locate the _snicker-lala_. Where is it? Seriously. I think I know what a hoo-haa is, but I have no idea what a snicker-lala is supposed to be. And now that’s going to drive me nuts. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652.md?page=2)