# I'm being forced to spank it in public **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 19, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652 "2005-05-19T23:19:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/61 "2005-05-22T20:19:15Z")
Many years ago, My Guy was a sperm donor. He’s got really enviable DNA, but being gay with no desire to raise kids, decided to let some lucky recipient raise the little bastards without him. He was shown into a little lavatory supplied with a few girly magazines. He asked the nurse whether she had anything else, because he wasn’t into women. For whatever reason, she took that as meaning that he was into animals, and no, she didn’t have anything like that. He had to go out and buy his own porn (sans women or animals), which apparently worked. ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/62 "2005-05-22T20:47:27Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > because he wasn’t into women. For whatever reason, she took that as meaning that he was into animals, That’s just a frightening thought process. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/63 "2005-05-22T22:36:41Z")
> [@SlyFrog](#): > > This thread raises the question (serious for a change) - what do you do at one of the clinics if you are unable to masturbate for whatever reason (religious, physically unable, etc.)? > > I noticed at least one comment said the wife was allowed to help; do most clinics allow this? I can’t comment on the clinic aspect, but I believe that one possiblity (I would assume mostly for religious reasons) is to have the sample collected post-coitus. Now, I have no clue on the logistics of this method. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/64 "2005-05-23T04:52:56Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > I can’t comment on the clinic aspect, but I believe that one possiblity (I would assume mostly for religious reasons) is to have the sample collected post-coitus. Now, I have no clue on the logistics of this method. I believe it involves a condom. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/65 "2005-05-23T13:41:57Z")
> [@kniz](#): > > I believe it involves a condom. :rolleyes: For some people THAT is out for religious reasons – orthodox Jews, I believe, for one. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/66 "2005-05-23T13:50:59Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > He asked the nurse whether she had anything else, because he wasn’t into women. For whatever reason, she took that as meaning that he was into animals, and no, she didn’t have anything like that. Excuse me miss…do you happen to have the recent issue of Ranger Rick? No. Guns & Ammo? etc… ---
**Author:** ![TygerDralion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e19adc/32.png) [@TygerDralion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TygerDralion)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/67 "2005-05-23T18:42:02Z")
> [@SlyFrog](#): > > This thread raises the question (serious for a change) - what do you do at one of the clinics if you are unable to masturbate for whatever reason (religious, physically unable, etc.)? > > I noticed at least one comment said the wife was allowed to help; do most clinics allow this? Would this not theoretically be allowed by most religions, as it IS technically for procreation? Just a thought… ~TygerD ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/68 "2005-05-23T18:55:56Z")
If you do decide to use a public restroom, you may have good luck here: [Banque en Ligne 2021 - Le guide étape par étape pour choisir facilement](http://img240.echo.cx/img240/377/spunk6cl.jpg) (This Rest Area really exists (it’s in Minnesota), and no, that’s not me in the photo.) ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/69 "2005-05-23T20:57:00Z")
While in graduate school I participated in a sperm donor program administered by the Medical College of Virginia. I figured, “What the hell, I’m doing it for free now - why not get paid?” They didn’t provide any sort of stimulating material. You went in the office on the appointed day and there was a brown paper bag with your name on it. In it was specimen cup. The bathroom was across the hall and, this being one of the busiest hospitals in the state, was like Grand Central Station (particularly at lunch, which was when I went). I went in to make a deposit one day and the receptionist said, “The doctor told me telll you that you’ve got great semen.” So, I’ve got that going for me. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/70 "2005-05-23T21:01:33Z")
You know, I saw the thread title and I immediately thought “Hustler Forum Letter Title”. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/71 "2005-05-23T21:13:26Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > So, I’ve got that going for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/72 "2005-05-23T23:40:01Z")
Wow! My second thread to make it to Threadspotting, and it’s about beating off. To update, still haven’t given my sample yet, but I’ve been practicing. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/73 "2005-05-24T00:30:37Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > She had me fill the cup before we came Quite a feat, all things considered. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/74 "2005-05-25T20:22:50Z")
[In a related story…](http://Siddharta.Vicious.swellserver.com/news/top_stories/worldrecord.php) ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/75 "2005-06-13T16:56:56Z")
I happened upon this thread doing a search for parental discipline, but let me chime in. Before my son was born, the wife and I were having trouble conceiving. So we scheduled the same test as the OP. And I had the SAME freaking problem. We had to deliver it to a lab in a time sensitive manner, yet they offered no onsite “facilities.” No one even recommended that I hit the park. NOTHING. Just that they couldn’t accomodate me in any way. Now, I live in the Houston suburbs which is pretty far away. So I was also worried my boys would wilt in the time that was needed to drive to the lab. I had to do my business in the car behind an run down, abandoned motel. All the way there, I was rehearsing what I’d say to the cops if they rolled up. It was odd wondering how many Johns had been serviced in that back alley. Coupling that with the giggling of my wife in the front seat, it was tough to get the job done. But I persevered. That’s what I do! The ultimate irony? It turned out that not only was my count fine, my wife was pregnant at the time… Pain shared is pain halved… ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/76 "2005-06-13T17:41:20Z")
I just wanted to be in tbhis thread because I see it making Threadspotting any minute now… When I got the boys hoses snipped, years back I went to a clinic with Bus Wife. She had to drive me home. Prior to the procedure, I had to produce a sample. This being a clinic that did this on a regular basis, I was led to the wanking lounge. Yes folks, the wanking lounge. Small room with a couch, a nice chair and a selection of the finest porn, Playboys, Penthouses, etc. I was told the wife could go with to “assist”, but that under no terms could I use a condom to catch the sample because of the spermicide. The tech explained that contamination wasn’t the issue, but if they want to count live swimmies, that the spermicide would mess that up. I asked if contamination wasn’t the issue, would saliva in the sample be a problem? Bus Wife informed me I would be going in by myself. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/77 "2005-06-13T17:44:11Z")
Having gone through a very difficult pregnancy that involved a three week hospital stay where I spent the greater part of that time begging for morphine while hooked up to an IV and barely able to stop vomiting, I am amused at what some men consider difficult attempts at reproduction. Very amused because this is one funny thread. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/78 "2005-06-13T18:29:30Z")
Hey! You at least had a towel! ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/79 "2005-06-14T00:27:44Z")
> [@Max Torque](#): > > I just had to do one of these myself, which was a source of endless mirth for my wife. She kept prodding me about exactly what kind of porn I looked at. > > Anyway, the results came back pretty darn good. Apparently, a normal sperm count is between 20 and 150 million; mine was **480 million**. > > You women might wanna keep your distance, lest my aura of virility impregnate you from afar. [hijack] Oh my … hope to hell Florida is far enough ;). Might I suggest to add into your pool of working tools a basal thermometer and a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, if it’s not there already. ~M ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652/80 "2005-06-14T00:29:47Z")
I just wanted to say love this thread, although I’m staying well away from **Max Torque** now. _holds up crucifix_ Back! Back, I say! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-forced-to-spank-it-in-public/304652.md?page=3)