# I'm being sexually harassed! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 20, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303 "2003-11-20T14:16:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Matchka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Matchka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Matchka)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/21 "2003-11-20T23:08:19Z")
C’mon, baby! All you need is love! It’s the Blue Meanies that are making the workplace hostile!! 🙂 Others in the workplace have complained? Get them in bed with you (metaphorically speaking, of course), it will make it harder for her to turn the story around should she choose to do so. Your boss is blowing you off? Take the boss down too–maybe you’ll fill the power vacuum. \>; )= From what I’ve seen, you can’t do “too much” when it comes to supporting sexual harassment policies in large companies. If that means you identify a management type who isn’t following the policy, then you’ve identified a source for a potentialy massive litigation against your company. Your boss’ boss would be pleased to know of such a risk in the ranks. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/22 "2003-11-20T23:09:45Z")
Give her a bum fuck, borrow cab-fare then fire her the next day. Problem solved! 😃 * * * She told me she loved me like a brother. She was from Arkansas, hence the Joy! ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/23 "2003-11-20T23:21:02Z")
Good god, **gatopescado**. ---
**Author:** ![MrTuffPaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MrTuffPaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrTuffPaws)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/24 "2003-11-20T23:34:40Z")
Damn, gatopescado. You know how to handle a situation. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/25 "2003-11-20T23:41:52Z")
Well, I am a lawyer, and I work in employment law, so let me second **Otto’s** excellent post. Check your company’s harassment policy–the first step will most likely be asking the harasser to stop, or, if you feel you cannot, telling her supervisor and asking the supervisor to talk to her. You seemed to have done this, if only informally. It is, as many have suggested, a good idea to document this, as well as the type of actions that are making you uncomfortable and the frequency of them. The policy should also tell you what your options are if the harrassment continues. Try to go through each of those steps–again documenting who you talked with and when, and any response. In addition to the EEOC, your State may have an agency that deals with discrimination claims. Keeping track of what is going on as it is going on is the best documentation–each day or once a week write down any actions/comments that you believe were inappropriate, and include how it made you feel/how it is affecting you (you’re nervous, irritable, feel like you want to quit, hate coming to work, get nausea, etc.) If another co-worker witnesses anything, ask them if they would be willing to write down what they saw. This may be tricky if you are the supervisor, so make sure they know you are not ordering them to do anything. If they won’t write anything, or if you are uncomfortable asking them, write down the incident in as much detail as you can–this way, if months pass before they are asked about it, the details may help them remember the incident. Finally, make sure you protect yourself from a counterclaim–don’t tease or flirt with any employees, and discourage it among all the employees you supervise. Granted, in most workplaces a bit of flirting may be taken as good fun, but you can’t be seen as engaging in or allowing any type of behavior that you find inappropriate in her, so this may mean being hyper-sensitive until this is resolved. As much as possible, deal with this woman only when another supervisor or co-worker is around. Keep all conversations with her work-related, at least as much as possible without becoming openly hostile towards her (saying hello, goodbye, etc. but don’t talk about what you did over the weekend). Hostile workplace harassment is all about respect, and women can be just as disrespectful as men. Good luck with this and feel free to e-mail me if you think I can be of any help (email address is in my profile) ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/26 "2003-11-21T03:07:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by And that’s the bottom line \* > \*\*What makes this situation a little bit different is that I am male and I am being harassed by a female at work. I am also her supervisor. Some people might think this is flattering but I do not. This woman is more than twice my age. I am in my early 20’s and she is in her mid 50’s and not particularly attractive. She is constantly rubbing my shoulders ( in which she usually comes up behind me and says you look stressed) and cracks sexually explicit jokes and comments to me when no one else is around. I have told her this behavior makes me extremely uncomfortable but so far she doesn’t seem to have listened. > I’m pretty pissed off because I have complained to my store manager (also a female) but she hasn’t done anything about this. What should I do? I’m afraid If I complain to someone else they’ll just laugh it off because this sort of thing doesn’t seem to be taken seriously. Should I bother complaining to a higher-up in the company? Or will it just be ignored like my other complaints (I’m not the only male that has complained by the way)? Doesn’t zero tolerance with sexual harassment apply to men and women? Or am I crazy? \*\* IANAL, but… All of the Sexual Harrassment seminars and mandatory training I’ve been to, say that it’s both ways. And over the last 10 years of my career, I’ve seen more than one woman get into trouble for doing similar things. One was a manager of a division with approximatly 15 employees. A male tech turned her in for sexual harrassment after having to listen to disgusting filth from her aimed at him, one too many times. She was first suspended without pay, and eventually let go. If your supervisor won’t do something, take legal action. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/27 "2003-11-21T06:20:23Z")
**Bottom Line,** one very good bit of advice I’ve seen here boils down to the word “document.” Very important. If it ever comes to legal action and you have kept records, that is very much in your favor. Document the date, place and time each time the harassment occurs and anyone else who is present. Document what your response was, document the times you bring this up with your supervisor. Document everything. You probably don’t want to be too quick to file a complaint with the government. This might make you very unpopular with your company, in which case this woman’s actions will be the least of your troubles. But if you go over your boss’s head and you have ever incident in writing, you stand a better chance of getting action. I had something similar happen, except the woman was about my age but higher up. And she was in a position to retaliate, which she tried to do. Fortunately, she left not long afterward, so I never had to do much to defend myself other than point out that the things she was saying weren’t true. When sexual harassment laws were first written, there was some controversy over whether men were even protected by them. Several court cases later, it’s been established that men are. But rules and awareness vary from place to place. You still might face a skeptical audience on whether men can be harassed or whether you should be “enjoying” it, etc. So pick your battles wisely. Is it worth going over your superior’s head? If it is, just make sure you’re prepared – document everything. ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/28 "2003-11-21T06:22:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by belladonna \* > **So if she was a hottie you wouldn’t mind?** That’s kind of the point of mutual attraction vs. harrassment, is it not? ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/29 "2003-11-21T17:26:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Give her a bum fuck, borrow cab-fare then fire her the next day. **MY EYES!!** **bottom line** is my brother, dude. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/30 "2003-11-21T17:45:15Z")
No word from **Bottom Line** yet. Sigh. I hate it when we never know how things end. ---
**Author:** ![TVAA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TVAA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVAA)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/31 "2003-11-21T17:51:38Z")
On a lighter note, did anyone else think of the medieval peasants’ scene from Monty Python? “Help, help, I’m being harassed!” ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/32 "2003-11-21T17:52:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Beadalin \* > \*\ ***MY EYES!!** > **bottom line** is my brother, dude. \*\* Well…um…let’s just hope he’s not also your supervisor. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/33 "2003-11-21T18:00:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by And that’s the bottom line \* > \*\* Doesn’t zero tolerance with sexual harassment apply to men and women? \*\* Speaking only from personal experience, no. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/34 "2003-11-21T18:43:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrTuffPaws \* > \*\*Damn, gatopescado. You know how to handle a situation. \*\* You should see me with kids! MAD parenting skills, ya’ll! 😃 * * * Never kiss an animal that can lick its own butt. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/35 "2003-11-22T04:50:07Z")
By \*\* Otto\*\*" “I also echo other posters who find it a bit creepy that the relative attractiveness of the harasser plays some role in whether or not this is harassment.” Harrassment =“Unwelcome sexual advances”. Maybe he wouldn’t find shoulder rubs from a 23 yr.-old Hottie unwelcome? Just sayin’. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![laigle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@laigle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laigle)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/36 "2003-11-22T05:01:08Z")
It’s time to go Dilbert on her ass. You’re the boss. Make it clear to her you can twist her waking hours into a hellish nightmare of administrativa. And then hope she doesn’t have a kink for masochism. ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/37 "2003-11-22T05:14:26Z")
Um, hey OP: You’re the boss. She’s sexually harassing you. So why haven’t you fired her ass? What’s the problem? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303/38 "2003-11-22T15:58:15Z")
The OP has requested for this thread to be closed, as the woman described has been disciplined. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-sexually-harassed/214303.md?page=1)