# I'm being stalked by a Battleship.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [September 18, 2008, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178 "2008-09-18T18:15:37Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/1 "2008-09-18T18:15:37Z")
I am pretty sure I haven’t upset any countries…
There was one in St Tropez when I was there. Then it was in St Maxime when I was there.
Then Liverpool.
Now Douglas!
I am not kidding.
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### Author:  [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/2 "2008-09-18T18:28:21Z")
Its the French again lad, stiff upper lip and all that.
England expects all.
declan
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### Author:  [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/3 "2008-09-18T18:32:27Z")
You know what you did…
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### Author:  [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/4 "2008-09-18T18:36:27Z")
If the battleship follows you into the produce section of the grocery store, then you know you’re really in trouble.
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/5 "2008-09-18T19:04:08Z")
Q: How do you know whether there’s a battleship in your refrigerator?
A: By the hull marks in the butter.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/6 "2008-09-18T19:07:55Z")
Does the battleship have escorts? If not, perhaps you’d best consider moving into an old torpedo boat, just to be on the safe side.
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### Author:  [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/7 "2008-09-18T19:52:34Z")
Or you could just call up your neighbors and form a phalanx, which is apparently kryptonite to battleships.
Well, it works in Civ.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/8 "2008-09-18T19:56:51Z")
Are you sure it’s the same one? I don’t mean to offend, but they do often look quite similar to one another.
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### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/9 "2008-09-18T20:09:31Z")
It’s probably a destroyer or cruiser. Wikipedia says the last battleship was withdrawn from service a couple of years ago.
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### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/10 "2008-09-18T20:19:59Z")
F 22
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### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/11 "2008-09-18T20:36:42Z")
Let’s hope she is just stalking you, and never actaully has sex with you. That could hurt if you don’t have one hell of a lot of lube.
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### Author:  [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/12 "2008-09-18T20:47:06Z")
Maybe you’re being followed by the ghosts of Jutland? Or perhaps the _St. Vincent_-class dreadnought, HMS _[Vanguard](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Vanguard_(1909))_, trying to get just one last cruise in…
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### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/13 "2008-09-18T21:39:15Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#):
>
> F 22
Doesn’t it only go up to 10? 😕
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### Author:  [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)
#### Post date: [September 18, 2008, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/14 "2008-09-18T22:01:37Z")
Pfft! At least it is just stalking you. A friend of mine got _shot in the face_ by a battleship just a few months ago. Bled like a stuck pig.
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### Author:  [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/15 "2008-09-19T00:15:46Z")
> [@Muffin](#):
>
> Let’s hope she is just stalking you, and never actaully has sex with you. That could hurt if you don’t have one hell of a lot of lube.
For all we know, when one barrel was done, they’d just shift him along the turret to the next barrel. And when he got to the last one, they’d just hit carriage return… :eek: 😃
When they’re tired of him, they’ll just make a [Tomahawk](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/aa/USS_Cape_St._George_(CG_71)_fires_a_tomahawk_missile_in_support_of_OIF.jpg) sock-puppet out of him and send him on his way.
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/16 "2008-09-19T11:47:56Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#):
>
> For all we know, when one barrel was done, they’d just shift him along the turret to the next barrel. And when he got to the last one, they’d just hit carriage return… :eek: 😃
>
> When they’re tired of him, they’ll just make a [Tomahawk](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/aa/USS_Cape_St._George_(CG_71)_fires_a_tomahawk_missile_in_support_of_OIF.jpg) sock-puppet out of him and send him on his way.
rotflmao
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### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/17 "2008-09-19T15:20:25Z")
> [@Autolycus](#):
>
> Doesn’t it only go up to 10? 😕
Yeah, I posted way too fast.
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/18 "2008-09-19T15:47:39Z")
If you would just hand over the Gem of Tiamat as I asked you to, that battleship would just go away. I mean, yes, I WOULD use the GoT to destroy most of Australia, but I don’t see how that’s any of your business, frankly.
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### Author:  [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/19 "2008-09-19T16:01:17Z")
All of those locations you’ve been are out of the way places on the edge of the pegboard, where battleships are typically hidden.
Visit more common places, like Newark or Fresno, and you should only bump into subs and destroyers there.
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-battleship/464178/20 "2008-09-19T16:03:48Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#):
>
> All of those locations you’ve been are out of the way places on the edge of the pegboard, where battleships are typically hidden.
>
> Visit more common places, like Newark or Fresno, and you should only bump into subs and destroyers there.
But then I’ll just have to send the monkeys. Nobody wants that, not even me. If Lob would just hand over the damn gem, everybody’s problems would be over.
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