# I'm being stalked by a crazy person. What can I do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232 "2004-06-25T20:31:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/1 "2004-06-25T20:31:29Z")
Doesn’t really seem mundane or pointless, but here it is. As I’ve mentioned on here before, at work I moderate a small, general interest message board. There was one poster there who was being a bully to everyone else, so I banned him. He kept writing me nasty e-mails; nothing overtly threatening, but with a definite undertone of “I’m not going away.” (I saved all the e-mails.) Frankly he was beginning to worry me; it became clear that he wasn’t just some cranky old man, but a genuinely crazy person. Figuring he’d shut up, I let him back on the board when he promised to shape up, and the other moderator banned him about two days later for being a jerk. He sent a few e-mails to the other mod, and then stopped; the last one came about a week ago. Today I got an e-mail from him on my home account. He’d apparently googled my name, and found a site that’s got a picture of me and a friend (I’ll call him Dave), with our names and my personal e-mail address. This is the e-mail he sent, with names deleted (sorry for the language): > [@](#): > > Hey [my name], > > Dave is cute, does he give good head? J I bet he does, just look at that long neck, bet you get WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY on down in it. Are you still bored without him? I’d venture to say that you go to [Dave’s home town] all the time, don’t cha? > > [Link to the photo] > > Oh by the way buddy, found all this and more in the public domain. > > Not sure if I like that or your two faced shot better? [link to another photo of me that was on-line at the mirror project] So tell me [my name] honey, was that the bathroom Dave licks you clean in after you erupt in joyous climax after climax? HAHAHAHAHAHA, Lord you’re one sick liberal geek my friend. I’d ask what kind of pictures you took of that sickness but it scares the crap out of me just thinking about it. > > Word of warning my un-fair friend, I’ve got high powered attorneys just like [my employer] has. You spam me or do any other type of electronic shet to me you will become homeless son. Trust me on that. I’ve alerted Dave to save any e-mails the guy may send him. I’ve also called the police to ask about my options without giving any names; they told me that harrassing someone via e-mail is a federal crime and I can have him arrested (I know his name and he’s in the phone book), but I’d really rather not escalate this anymore than necessary; I just want him to go away. I’m going to talk to some of the higher-ups at work and see if I can talk to any lawyers there as well, but I figured someone on here might have some experience/advice along these lines. I’m leaving this job in a month, and I’d really hoped to be able to leave this guy behind when I do, but he’s apparently determined to make this personal. Advice? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/2 "2004-06-25T20:36:11Z")
That’s pretty scary shit, dude. Have him arrested and do whatever you have to do to distance yourself from his reach. I’d be pretty frightened. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/3 "2004-06-25T20:42:14Z")
Have him arrested. I know you don’t want to take this to the next level but I don’t think you have a choice. And if this guy doesnt’ do something bad to you he may do it to the next moderator that displeases him. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/4 "2004-06-25T20:47:19Z")
What the others said: have his butt arrested. If you don’t, there’s no reason for him to leave off harassing you. And best to do it now, while you’re still in the job that resulted in this, so it’ll be easier to pull the evidence together. But until it’s a matter of legal record that this happened, he’s got no reason to quit his harassing behavior; it’s just you and him, and he’s not afraid of you. So get them cops and prosecutors on your side. That’s what we pay them for. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/5 "2004-06-25T20:52:42Z")
Christ, man, have him arrested now! That’s just scary. ---
**Author:** ![stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/6 "2004-06-25T20:56:11Z")
Yeah, getting the law involved at an early stage if it seems that something might happen is a good idea in this case. The police are there to help _prevent_ things from happening, too. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/7 "2004-06-25T21:02:27Z")
Don’t fool around with this sort of crap - have him arrested, ASAP. Even if he’s just being a wang a visit from the police could go a long way to making him rethink his bone-headedness. ---
**Author:** ![Hedda\_Rosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hedda_rosa/32/1204_2.png) [@Hedda\_Rosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hedda_Rosa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/8 "2004-06-25T21:14:03Z")
I manage a large online community, and I agree with everyone else, you must get law enforcement involved right away. I also think you are smart to consult with your company lawyers; keep pushing until you get concrete help. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/9 "2004-06-25T21:17:45Z")
Just want to echo the others to convince you to have the guy arrested. The guy’s trying to take it personal, so you’ve got to retaliate in full force. The only reason not to do it would be if you think you’re over-reacting, but you’re not. It’s like the police told you: harrassment over e-mail is a federal crime; the dude is breaking the law. If he’s just a prick and a bully, he’ll get scared out of pulling that shit with you and other people. If he’s truly disturbed, you’re much better off safe than sorry. It’s not just going to “go away,” and you shouldn’t have to change what you’re doing when this guy is the one with the problem. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/10 "2004-06-25T21:25:25Z")
I had a similar situation. Someone wasn’t happy I fired her mouth-breathing Neanderthal of a daughter. She ended up coming into my store and assaulting me. You damn right I called the cops. The did a no-booking? arrest, where (as far as I understood it) they just informed her she was considered arrested 😕 without having to go in and informed her that she would have a court date. The daughter’s brilliant solution was to call and leave a threatening message on my voice mail. Hello!? Evidence! (didn’t matter because the investigating officer flat-out LIED to me. He claimed, verbatim [cause I’m not about to forget this shit!]: “Someone can threaten you all day long, but the police can’t do anything about it until they actually _do_ something.” He was about as professional as my assailant in handling the case. :mad: ) Her mother’s brilliant solution to this was to picket outside my store in the street and yell out that she’d be back every day until I’d “drop the charges”. :rolleyes: What a glorious day it was when I made her cough up restitution. : evil smiley : People are crazy, have him arrested now. ---
**Author:** ![stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/11 "2004-06-25T21:33:18Z")
> [@](#): > > I’d really rather not escalate this anymore than necessary; I just want him to go away. I think it’s clear that he will not go away without help from law enforcement. Taking matters into your own hands would be escalating things any more than necessary. Contacting the police would at worst be erring on the side of caution, and at best be saving you from further harassment or actual harm. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/12 "2004-06-25T21:57:12Z")
I agree with notifying the police/company/lawyers, etc- these kinds of people thrive on the silence of their victims. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/13 "2004-06-25T23:37:51Z")
OK, I’ve spoken to our corporate attorney, and he was pretty helpful. He’s totally non-tech-savvy; his first question was, “What’s a message board?” so I had to back up pretty far, but we got up to speed on it and I told him what’s going on. I also showed him a bunch of the e-mails, including today’s, and he wants to have the guy arrested as well. This weekend I’ll do some homework on whom to contact to get all this rolling, and we’ll do it first thing next week. I’m in the middle of moving, planning my wedding/honeymoon, and preparing for law school, so I’ll just read up on this during my boundless free time. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/14 "2004-06-25T23:41:52Z")
Oh, and thanks for everyone’s encouragement; it’s nice to have some backup on something like this. I’ve got all these nagging doubts saying, “Well, he didn’t _explicitly_ threaten me…” and so on. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/15 "2004-06-26T00:03:11Z")
Well. I’m suddenly awfully glad I live half a world away from most people we ban. Especially considering they might have, you know, guns and shit. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/16 "2004-06-26T01:04:50Z")
We **all** shit, **Coldfire**. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/17 "2004-06-26T02:35:18Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > We **all** shit, **Coldfire**. Yeah, but I’ve got guns. Lotsa’ guns. Maybe we should just get us a little Dope-A-Vigilante crew up and blow this dude’s lights out or somethin’. That’s more fun than gettin’ lawyers involved and all that boring stuff. Whatcha’ say, **jackelope**? ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/18 "2004-06-26T03:27:12Z")
Send him my way. I need more crazy people in my life. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/19 "2004-06-26T03:37:18Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Yeah, but I’ve got guns. Lotsa’ guns. Maybe we should just get us a little Dope-A-Vigilante crew up and blow this dude’s lights out or somethin’. > > That’s more fun than gettin’ lawyers involved and all that boring stuff. Whatcha’ say, **jackelope**? Well, honestly I’m not real eager to get the leeches involved either, but then armed vigilantism doesn’t go over real well with the police… I know! I’ll go put a flaming bag of dogshit on his front porch, ring the doorbell, and run away! That’ll be both instructive and entertaining! ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232/20 "2004-06-26T03:51:58Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > We **all** shit, **Coldfire**. But, I don’t know what’s worse. Getting shot at, or having poo flung at me. Both are pretty bad, you know? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-being-stalked-by-a-crazy-person-what-can-i-do/252232.md?page=2)