# I'm discouraged! (I thought I had made a new friend.) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 23, 2014, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043 "2014-02-23T23:16:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/61 "2014-02-25T20:38:42Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Um, “…who knows what could happen if we ‘hit it off’.” = sex? > > :dubious: > > I mean, I guess it \*could \*mean that… but that’s not what I meant by it. Bullshit. It may not have been strictly sex you were after but your intentions with this girl were based totally on her sexuaI attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/62 "2014-02-25T20:58:18Z")
Could we not beat up on the OP? He has awkwardness issues, and has explained he has a hard time writing comprehensively. Small nuances may be misconstrued. Nitpicking isn’t helpful. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/63 "2014-02-25T21:10:25Z")
I was referring to dates, a relationship… I guess you could say everything that comes along with that, which could include a physical relationship… but no, I didn’t even think about sex when I wrote that. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/64 "2014-02-25T22:23:41Z")
There’s something confusing about the OP that I’m not sure I understand: > [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > There was a \*\*beautiful girl \*\*I emailed … > > \ > > To my surprise, this **gorgeous young lady** responded. > > \ > > Later on she expanded her profile. We’re very different. > > She’s a little **younger** , she’s from France, she’s **black** , she’s educated, she’s catholic, and she has a son. She’s also **5’10"** , (I’m only 5’5" and in my experience, most women don’t date men that are shorter than they are… jerks!). Did you see a picture of her initially, to surmise that she was a beautiful girl and gorgeous young lady? If so, why were you later surprised that she was younger, black and 5’10"? If you saw no picture initially, what did you use as your basis to describe her as beautiful, young, and gorgeous? ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/65 "2014-02-25T22:31:15Z")
FTR, I have no problem talking about sex. **Ambivilad** ’s post says: “You sound like the definifion of “Nice Guy”. You only wanted to be “friends” with this girl because you thought she was hot and you were hoping to get in her pants.” That’s just not true. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/66 "2014-02-25T22:35:13Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > There’s something confusing about the OP that I’m not sure I understand: > > Did you see a picture of her initially, to surmise that she was a beautiful girl and gorgeous young lady? If so, why were you later surprised that she was younger, black and 5’10"? > > If you saw no picture initially, what did you use as your basis to describe her as beautiful, young, and gorgeous? Yes, she had a picture up right from the start. I knew she was black and guessed she was younger. I was surprised that she was THAT tall when she expanded her profile, and I learned she had a child and was catholic after that. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/67 "2014-02-25T22:41:44Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > FTR, I have no problem talking about sex. **Ambivilad** ’s post says: > > “You sound like the definifion of “Nice Guy”. You only wanted to be “friends” with this girl because you thought she was hot and you were hoping to get in her pants.” > > That’s just not true. :rolleyes: So you would just as likely have clicked on her profile and initiated conversation if she were plain looking or flat-out ugly? ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/68 "2014-02-25T22:43:18Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > So you would just as likely have clicked on her profile and initiated conversation if she were plain looking or flat-out ugly? I was attracted to her if that’s what you’re asking. Edit: I \*think \*I know what you’re asking. If I just wanted to be friends, why did I click on her instead of someone plain?? Like I said: “…who knows what could happen if we ‘hit it off’.” Meaning, I might have had a shot at being more than ‘just friends’. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/69 "2014-02-25T22:52:22Z")
Oh, and good looking girls often have good looking friends, so… even if we were ‘just friends’, I might have been included, or introduced to people, in her circle. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/70 "2014-02-26T15:25:56Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Yes, she had a picture up right from the start. I knew she was black and guessed she was younger. I was surprised that she was THAT tall when she expanded her profile, and I learned she had a child and was catholic after that. Zoomed out far enough to see the halo, eh? ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/71 "2014-02-26T16:17:40Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Zoomed out far enough to see the halo, eh? Heh. I really wish I could show you all her picture. She’s SO pretty, it’s tragic she’s the way she is. ☹ **Bob Ducca** Thanks for the advice! I’ll try my best to present myself in a good light, and let my driving limitations and SSD issues come up organically, trying not to make them out to be a big deal. I don’t feel comfortable lying… but if the opportunity comes up, maybe I’ll tell a fib or two. I do like the; “I’m between jobs right now” tactic. I won’t feel guilty because it’s true. As far as sex is concerned, seeing that it’s all some of you guys seem to think that I’m thinking, I’m not looking for casual sex. My medication really doesn’t help my sex drive. That and I’ve had very limited experience with sex/making love. If you look at my history on these board, you’ll see that I even started a thread a while back asking; “ **Is sex overrated?** ”. Three things: 1. Maybe I’ve been with the wrong partners. 2. As mentioned, my meds. 3. Having sex too soon in a relationship can lead to drama. When this gal and I texted each other, I definitely got the impression that she’s not looking for sex until a relationship’s been established. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/72 "2014-02-26T16:25:57Z")
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=660299&highlight=overrated](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=660299&highlight=overrated) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/73 "2014-02-26T17:56:51Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > 1. Having sex too soon in a relationship can lead to drama. And you base this opinion on what? ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/74 "2014-02-26T18:05:50Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > And you base this opinion on what? Well, a past experience. ☹ Just be aware that I said it \*CAN \*lead to drama. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/75 "2014-02-26T18:38:00Z")
Yeah, but waiting too long can lead to romcom. Which is much worse. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/76 "2014-02-26T18:41:39Z")
I don’t know… How long are we talking? I know each situation’s different, but generally, how long do you wait to have sex? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/77 "2014-02-26T18:43:49Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I don’t know… How long are we talking? I know each situation’s different, but generally, how long do you wait to have sex? No set amount of time, but there should be a sexual energy/chemistry between you. There should be the aura of “we’re waiting an arbitrary amount of time but at some point we’re definitely getting it on.” ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/78 "2014-02-26T18:47:26Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > No set amount of time, but there should be a sexual energy/chemistry between you. There should be the aura of “we’re waiting an arbitrary amount of time but at some point we’re definitely getting it on.” NICE!! :D:cool: Is it three dates? I keep hearing that, but it sounds like it would be too soon for me. Edit: I was responding to the post you edited. About you and your wife. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/79 "2014-02-26T20:08:37Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > NICE!! :D:cool: > > Is it three dates? I keep hearing that, but it sounds like it would be too soon for me. > > Edit: I was responding to the post you edited. About you and your wife. Heh, yeah… I decided she might not like me sharing certain info since there are a few real life people that know me on here. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043/80 "2014-02-26T20:10:51Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Heh, yeah… I decided she might not like me sharing certain info since there are a few real life people that know me on here. :X My bad! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-discouraged-i-thought-i-had-made-a-new-friend/682043.md?page=5)